Off topic? Preventing masturbation can work too

Being a keyholder - a wife's perspective

I'm sure I'm not the first woman to get surprised this way, but it was a shock to accidentally find out that hubby was wanking off several times a week. Suspicion became certainty over time. I was both angry and disappointed. I confronted him about it of course. Boy, that was an awkward conversation. I was saying "Look, I'm here. Why do you do it?" Things were a bit cool between us after that. As we all do, I started googling about this habit. Most of what I found was rubbish, fetish sites, all leather and whips. But in amongst all that I did read a few honest experiences of women using a chastity device, or cock cage, on their man to prevent masturbation. I really really wanted to stop him wanking off so I suggested it to hubby. Not keen! Me, not surprised! But we talked about it on and off over a few weeks and he agreed to try it. It took a few attempts to find one that fitted well and was comfortable for him to wear. Men have a veey wide range of equipment shapes and sizes! But finally, we were ready to go. How this works is that the cage has a lock and I have the key. I decide when hubby comes out to play. My first thought was that this would be quite often, but in fact things started shifting as we got used to the cage being there. Hubby got quite adept at making me cum like a firework display. It woke us both up to the fact that he got a lot of satisfaction in making me orgasm and that this was happening because he couldn't automatically stick his dick in me. I was increasingly enjoying this kind of sex and started leaving hubby locked for longer periods of time. As long as I kept him interested, kept things sexy between us, put his face between my legs four or five times a week (yep, I was getting greedy!) he was fine. We did discover that I needed to turn the handle on his starter motor from time to time, like a couple of times a week. I mean that I'd unlock him briefly and pump him close half a dozen times. But otherwise it seemed the more orgasms I had, the fewer I needed to give him, and in fact we were both really happy. Of course I do unlock him still and boy he's ready to rumble then. I'm less bothered about having him inside me now, so yes we fuck sometimes, but I've got very good at pumping him so that it lasts a long time and is, I am assured, amazing. Currently I unlock hubby about every 3 weeks, sometimes 4, it depends on what's going on in our lives. When we started out, hubby got very tense about being locked, but that was because I was unlocking him several times a week and he got fixated on dates and times. Once we got to several weeks or more, that fixation stopped and he was much happier with the arrangement. He lets me decide, and I just try not to forget! There's an adjustment period and I had to put up with a very moody hubby sometimes, but right niw we couldn't be happier. This is the best decision you can make as a couple for a very fulfilling sex life. Men don't need to wank, they just do it because they can. Stop your man doing it, you won't regret it.

 

I think after some woman read this, there’ll be more guys locked up. I can’t take any chances, I’ll need you to delete this post please lol.

 

The cage has a slot at the end so he can pee normally. Once you find a cage that fits properly, it's comfortable and unobtrusive. It prevents erections and he can't touch himself, that's all.

 

There are narrow slots at the side and the bigger slot at the end so he can get soap and water in there. He showers every morning and is obviously able to keep everything sweet smelling. I'd know if he didn't!

 

As one with no prospects for sex, I think I'll forego a chastity device and just keep masturbating.

 

That's sad. But yes, you might as well.

 

I'm a statistician, so another of my motivations with this is numerical fairness. We are both in our 50s. I estimate that in our lives, my husband has had about 6000 orgasms. I've had about 1000. So I aim to catch up on his total. If I assume we have 20 years left of an active sex life and hubby gets 15 orgasms per year (about 1 every 3.5 weeks), he will end up on 6300. In the same time I need to have 5300 orgasms, which is 5 per week. Currently we are on track to achieve orgasmic equality! You cannot say that isn't fair.

 

Seems logical to me. What if it was the other way around? Would you wear a chastity belt?

 

In theory, yes.

 

Has he ever had an orgasm while wearing a cage? Like a wet dream or spontaneous ejaculation?

 

Not so far. I did try to make that happen, I inserted my g-spot wand in his bottom to see if I could stimulate his prostate but I need to look up how to do that effectively before I try again. It's something I might do out of devilment, instead of unlocking him, but not very often. I'm not 'that' mean!

 

Well that’s nice of you lol. I am intrigued by this subject. I do wonder how it would be not having masturbation freedom and how long it would take before it becomes frustrating.

 

He does get frustrated sometimes. There's a win-win though, in that I discovered that burying his face between my legs settles him down again. Something to do with my scent maybe? It works. He's learned how to deal with the frustration and is generally fine. This doesn't dominate our lives, any more than sex does for any other couple. I think it's very healthy for hubby to be less obsessed with ejaculating and getting more enjoyment from other sexual activities. For many women, orgasms are infrequent with sex so this is a good adjustment I think

 

I could ejaculate just from having a woman sit on my face if I haven’t had an orgasm in some time.

 

You're easy

 

This is an interesting topic. I am not sure it works for everyone though. I pursue my wifes **** almost daily and if she allowed me I would give her an oral orgasim as much as she would like. I would be so happy to please her and her alone. I think your on the something with being able to reduce our sex drive by doing oral. But she only wants it about a 10th as much as I do. As such this is a difficult gap to breech for me without masturbation.

 

I can't speak for your wife but I think the majority of women don't have a big sex drive, certainly not the way men do. So there is a kind of unspoken deal between me and hubby, that I will make the effort to increase my desire for sex while preventing him from wasting himself in the bathroom. It's worked, by and large. I do enjoy and look forward to having an orgasm much more now and I'm getting quite greedy about it. Hubby enjoys obliging while he's locked and when I let him out he's full-on caveman, which I quite like too (blush).

 

I ought to make clear that I am not saying there is anything wrong with masturbation. Everyone does it, right. Hubby has an issue with recovery times, which he didn't used to have, so for him wanking off has become a problem for sex between us, hence the approach I've taken. There is an erotic dynamic involved which I think we are both enjoying. Well, I know I am (wink)

 

I don't know that the OP will ever return to HF (last seen on this site 4 days after creating this thread and over 6 months ago at this point), but, as a statistician, you should consider the duration of orgasm in your calculation. Men certainly masturbate to the point of orgasm more frequently than women do (our 30s is the only decade of life in which it's even remotely close), but you should consider that the average female orgasm lasts 24 seconds, and the average male orgasm lasts only 6 seconds.

Intensity is highly subjective, but duration is just as measurable as frequency. You ought to build duration into your model, and give it weight equal to frequency. Orgasm is highly biased in your favor under the model you've created. I'm not saying it's unfair, and clearly your husband is enjoying the arrangement, but it seems less equal to me than it does to you. Consider each one of yours equal to four of his.

Overall, I love the thread - your original posting and your replies to the comments. If you ever do return and see this, I'd be pleased to continue the discussion.

 

What is the BFD with women fretting over their men masturbating? Men are gonna masturbate if they’re happy, if they’re sad, if they lead busy lives or leisure lives, if they’re gay or straight, if they’re macho or wimpy, if they’re starved for sex, or if they’re getting laid every day. Male masturbation is simply part of proper care and maintenance of the physical penis as well as of the “emotional penis” that’s buried deep within the male spirit of every one of us men. When I got married, I stopped masturbating for about 12 weeks because I was getting laid two or three times each day, and I figured that ought to be enough. But it wasn’t. More and more I felt that something was missing. Finally one night around 3am, I snuck out of bed and stroked one out in the bathroom. I felt much better after that — so much so that I made a point of masturbating in the shower every morning after that throughout a marriage that lasted 34 years. That’s in addition to masturbating while watching tv or at the computer whenever I got the chance, and often masturbating in bed while my wife snored away by my side. I sometimes did the latter less than an hour after licking her pussy and jizzing into her veejay. I loved having wild sex with her, which I did often, and I loved masturbating too. Still do. I didn’t fuck her any less because of my frequent masturbating. And in those 34 years, I never had sex with any other woman, despite being sorely tempted on occasion. I attribute my being able to resist to my frequent masturbating. Women should NOT feel inadequate — that they are failing to satisfy — because their men masturbate. Birds fly, frogs hop, dogs bark, and men masturbate. It’s in their nature.

And another thing. I believe LillianT is being naive if she believes that her 50-something husband has only had 6000 lifetime orgasms. A quick calculation indicates that I reached that number before I was out of high school. By 50 I was into the tens of thousands. And as for her goal to catch up — well I thought that penis-envy stopped being a thing when the women’s movement took hold back in the 1970s. If at age 50, she is only up to 1000, that’s her own damn fault. If I were her man, I’d make a point of gifting her with sex toys and with frequent and long cunnilingus sessions. But sadly for LillianT, you don’t get to go back to your youth just to have more orgasms. All those missed opportunities to masturbate are spilled milk now. Hobbling your man’s penis ain’t gonna change that.