Hey everyone, I have a really big problem here and I'm just wondering if anyone may be able to offer some insight into this situation I'm in. (this may be a long one!) I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I love him to death. He was the first and only person I've ever slept with. In the past we've had times where we've broken up and during one of those times I started messing around with another guy though we never slept together. Eventually I got back with my boyfriend and we've been going strong since then. Still, I was always attracted to and had some serious lust for this other guy. I never acted on them and I never cheated on him. Recently, we've been having some problems so I came to him and pretty much poured my heart out to him as to how I felt about the way things were going. He ignored what I said, saying he didnt have the answers, though in my opinion, he never even tried. He avoided me altogether for a few weeks and to be honest I thought our relationship was over. During that time I started skyping with the guy I had messed around with before and we pretty much had cam sex sessions. I even told him that I would sleep with him when I got back in town. A few weeks later, my bf and I managed to patch things together. He asked if I had slept with anyone during our time apart and I told him no, even though I had planned to. He made a comment like "oh well I think it would be good for you to experience that" I was shocked that he would willingly share me with someone else. So I told him who I planned to sleep with and he got pissed. His reason for getting pissed is that he and the guy have a few of the same friends and he was concerned about the guy talking about how he had slept with his girl. So in other words, he didnt want to look bad in front of his friends. The only reason I even told him about my plans was because I wanted there to be no secrets between us. And I explained to him that if we had gotten back together that I would've cancelled my plans right away. He got pissed thinking I was gonna do it anyways and basically any progress we made was undone. I dont know if we'll ever work through this. The thing is, I dont want anything to do with the other guy other than sex, but I want a future with my bf. We've talked about marriage before and it seemed like he really wanted a future with me too. But now I dont know. Should I just let it go or should I try talking to him and try to make this work?
Just keep in mind there are some questions other people can't answer for you, especially the soul searching type questions. Other people are good at honest self-reflection situations you can't do objectively by yourself. It sounds like there's insecurity problems from both you and your boyfriend, and it seems like your sending mixed messages to EVERYBODY you've communicated in this situation (the other guys, your boyfriend, and most importantly yourself). Take a step back and ask yourself WHAT you really want, and WHO you want that with, and WHY? Is it the fantasy of being married and having ___, ____, and ___, in your life or is it the reality of it that your ready to deal with. Be real with yourself, do not let your mind dwell completely in idealism when it comes to romance, marriage, and all that married live entails (bills, home ownership, jobs meaning time apart, kids)
Umm what? What do you want? The boyfriend you keep breaking up with that wants you to sleep with other people that he doesn't know?
I think a really big factor in this is age. How old are you? How old are the other guys in this picture. I don't think you need to tell who you plan to sleep with. That seems pointless to me that is not romantic in my opinion and telling each other everything seems like a very fantastical version of what makes a good relationship and I think some things are really not meant to be shared if you want to move forward in a relationship. I'd also think about why he wants you to be with someone else. Maybe it's also because he wants to be with someone else. Maybe the two of you have been too serious and you both need some time apart. In that situation, just based on what you've written, I would give him some time. It doesn't seem like his anger or frustration or whatever it is is something you can actually help with. He's upset because of who you chose and that's his own issue to get over, in my opinion.
I have to agree with usedtobehoney here. The boyfriend's allowing the OP to sleep with others, but with conditions, isn't clearly communicated by him causing him to exhibit inconsistent dialogue, emotions, and actions. Perhaps this is a slight disconnect between the sexes here in communication. But I'd say that each individual in this situation needs to do what and scratch the itches that are tempting them rather than suppress them to please the other partner. Or they can let those temptations go and move on, but stop over-analyzing it. If one individual decides on their own they don't want to sleep with another, then that's the conclusion THEY should reach on their own internal dialogue. The boyfriend brings up a good and valid concern that the OP needs to consider, that the guy she considered sleeping with has a big mouth, is she okay with that? Other than that, it really isn't much of his concern GIVEN the fact that he just took the stance that he WANTED her to sleep with another person. NEWSFLASH to the guy, sleeping with other people IMPLIES the danger you're going to meet your fair share of bitches and jerks. It kind of comes with the territory.
hi, I'd suggest have nothing to do with each other.. Both sound like insincere dirty characters. Just my opinion. Where is the true love. Who shares their partner with others so they can get experience.....I'm reall really sorry about that
Thanks everyone for your opinions. To answer a question here, we're all in our twenties. Ive decided to just take some time away from both men to work on my own personal and spiritual development. Thanks again for your insight everyone
