Obsessed by sister in law

Hello,

I am writing to get real advice on how to stop being attracted by my sister in law - or at least be less obsessed.

For context I’m 58, been married for almost 30 years. I love my family, even though there’s up and down with the wifey. She’s 4 years older than me and is quite vanilla/not as much into sex as I am. Her youngest of 4 sister has moved back to our town after a divorce roughly 4 years ago. She’s 51 now as she’s just over 10 years younger than my wife.

We’ve obviously been close to her to support her morally with the children etc since she moved back. I always found her hot, she’s younger than my wife etc so no big deal.

But in the months following her moving back up to ours, I started feeling a tension between us and a connection. And she’s really good looking. Anyway, I started having an erection next to her (obviously hiding it). And it started with me wanking thinking of her once. Then twice. Etc. It became more than an attraction, but a real obsession. I started wanking over her photos, even created a wank bank folder. I’m thinking of her multiple times a day. I’m ashamed but I even think about her while making love to my wife. I thought it could be a phase. But it’s now almost four years that it’s been going on - with the intensity of the obsession just growing. I now edge looking at her photos. I added in my wank bank photos of her in swimsuit (sometimes by cropping family photos). Almost every time I’m intimate with my wife I’m thinking of her, closing my eyes and just imagining that I’m with her.

it is so bad that earlier this week while I was making love to my wife, I used my sister in lawl name just before ejaculating. It has of course made my wife mad.

Basically I don’t want to risk my marriage for that fantasy but at the same time I can’t stop thinking about her. I thought time would help but made things worse.

any tips on what I could do to either be turned off or at least not be as obsessed and thinking of her every time I’m horny ?

Thank you

 

Yeah you're in a pickle....

 

Go into a deep, dark forest and tell yourself, "I will not think about bears."

What'll you do? You'll think about bears even more.

Telling yourself (or being told by others) to stop obsessing over her will never work.

There are a couple of things here. Second one first:

You are already risking your marriage.

Calling your wife her sister as you're fucking her has indelibly put that possibility in her mind. That can only get worse. Remember the bear example above? You've upped the odds you'll do it again. And your wife now has the same bear thing in her mind.

And where do you keep your SiL folder? Because you have incentivized your wife to look for evidence. Could she find it?

And about that first part:

You imply (obviously sexual) tension between you. That implies you think it's in both directions.

Why? Has your SiL given you any real indication that she might share your feelings? If she has, and it's not just your hopeful imaginings...

Then perhaps you should just try to fuck her. From where I'm sitting, a discreet affair seems like the safer course for you, as you're only going to keep convincing your wife that you already are. But be damn certain about whatever it is that might seem like a mutual attraction.

If an affair is absolutely out of the question, you néed to tackle this problem at its roots. That's gonna necessitate some help from a pro, not an internet forum.

But be careful. Not only are bears about, you've set bear traps on all your possible paths. Don't step in one.

 

A spot of bother, indeed!

 

Stay Strong

 

I should prolly include another possible solution:

Confess everything to your wife. Make it clear there is no affair but that her sister has gummed up your thoughts.

That could resolve everything. Or it could fling an especially large amount of dung into the fan.

Only you know your wife.

(This reminds me of the story "The Lady or the Tiger" by Stockton, with your odds being about the same.)

 

Sorry I’m not sure why everything went into the quote bubble - only the first part was a quote

 

Well it’s really too risky. I’m not ready to loose my wife and my family. And let my fantasy destroy everything.
I’m more asking for advice of what could change things - either/and an excuse and what kind of gift or experience would be best to apologise for saying “I’m close to coming, (her sister’s name) and ejaculating in her straight after that. It’s really trash and I realise that that’s why I’m asking for help/advice.

but telling her it is a fantasy is awful she’ll feel bad, maybe feel old as well as it’s her younger sister. And I don’t want her to feel disgusted of me or bad because of it

 

reposting as I wrote the previous time within the “quote”.


I hear you but I already have the bears around me that’s why I’m asking for help. But I agree with your analysis, although I’m desperate at this stage.

I’m not 100% sure she’s actually willing to have sex with me. But we share the same humour, are really close (text often), and when we’re in public/with family we exchange looks that make me think there’s a connection. And we’re quite open with each other sharing our problems etc.

What makes me think that it’s a maybe more than just being close family members, is a few things but that maybe I’m over interpreting because I’m myself indeed into her. But for example she often says to my wife that she’s lucky to have me, sometimes speaking generally (ie an husband with a good social and financial position etc) but she also says physical things like “ handsome and looking that younger than his age” etc.
It could be general courtesy but always found it weird.

And even more when we’re alone - for example when I am there to help her with her electric system or to fill tax forms. As I mentioned we’re sharing a lot about our issues etc and talk a lot. along the years she for example mentioned a few times how she was missing having a man, how platonic her life was.
This summer for example she complained that she hadn’t seen a man for two years. I mentioned I also didn’t have sex as much as before, that my wife now wasn’t as much into sex as she used to and even less so into foreplay. And she laughed said something like “well it’s not comparable, for me it’s been two years of only having a penis like yours at disposal” and laughed again.
But could have been a crude humour of course as we’re often laughing at everything including sex.
/ and just a way of saying she didn’t have sex at all.

And then again I’m maybe interpreting the way I fantasise about it. So that’s also why I shared/asked for feedback

I am not sure I want to risk it though even if she’s into it - I am worried of either my wife finding out or it feeling good and falling in love or something.

 

Re your SiL: it sounds like more than just conversational talk. A common thing we all do in flirting is employ ambiguities and double entendres. Doing so can keep both parties out of trouble by proving an "escape route". If it were me (an inveterate horndog of questionable morals) I would decidedly flirt back.

However, it ain't me. So...

There's no easy (or hell, even good) way around the use of SiL's name as you're coming. All you can do there is confess (while tossing in some mitigating circumstance, even if you're lying about same) and take your lumps. A gift could possibly help, or may be interpreted as a bauble intended to distract her from an actual affair.

This is where your dilemma parts ways with what an online forum can do. Only you know all the players well enough to hazard a guess about what to say and how to say it.

I will offer, however, that you try to come up with as innocuous a reason as possible for blurting out an entirely wrong name. Perhaps SiL said something you found puzzling, even distressing, and it had lodged in your brain like an unwanted song. Of course, she will likely ask what, and then you'd need to embellish your first lie with additional ones. The fact that she could then just ask sis about it all, makes that whole scenario very risky.

So again, I can only see coming clean as your route to any redemption. Staying silent about it all isn't an option: even if she also chooses silence the original misstep will be festering under the surface.

If your revelations upset things toward disaster, a marriage counselor might help.

Be smart and best wishes.

To all: make damn sure your brain is engaged before you let your mouth open up!

 

A final bit:

Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one.

Marriage is never a sure thing.

The heart is very difficult to deny.

And, if one must take regrets to the grave, then regrets over trying a thing that failed, beat fuck-all over the regrets of never having tried.

 

A final final bit:. (I mean it this time!)

I don't think you're misinterpreting SiL.

 

I

I see. Well my wife is at her parents’ in the country side for the weekend so I have a bit of time to think and have a clearer mind (hopefully). Thank you for your food for thought comments .

 

I mean maybe I am. She talks about sex with me but she’s fairly open about it (the opposite to my wife she’s far more “open” to openly talking about that. Probably a generational think (being born in the 70s vs early 60s for my wife). But at the same time her comments (as mentioned before being around her not having sex or even jokes like when we were in swim trunks at the beach and I had an (unwanted) erection, when I apologised she said it was pleasant to the eye and impressive or things like that. At the same time it’s maybe just a good relations as we’re all quite close with my wife and our children etc.

as my wife is at her parents this weekend with our kids because of the “incident”, my sister in law invited me for dinner so that I’m not alone Saturday night. Not sure how much she knows about the reason why my wife went on weekend. But if I were to go at least I could see what she says and if there’s still signs.

anyway, all of that to say that I should have refrained to say anything - avoids these kinds of issues and troubles

 

And if the dog hadn't stopped to shit he'd'a caught the rabbit.

What's done is done. No point in beating yourself up with what-ifs.

Re SiL: everything you say indicates attraction on her part. C'mon, where is complimenting someone on their dick (especially when accompanied by the other sayings you attribute to her) an innocent thing?

Dinner will, I've no doubt, be a pleasant time.

But if you go you might do well to explain everything to SiL. She might prove to be your best ally. Or fuck you on the dining table. ¿Quien sabe?

Your wife may simply need time and will laugh about the whole thing. And magic ponies might bring me bags of gold.

A reckoning is coming. You need to get ready.

 

Has Lil Sis ever flirted with or poached a boyfriend from Big Sis?

The answer to that could help chart a course.

Or it could tell you to flee to Tierra Del Fuego and take up subsistence fishing.

 

All guys have crushes doesn't mean you act on it

 

Sunday has hit every part of the planet. Saturday has come and gone.

So what happened?

Did you have that dinner? What was said? Or done?

 

it has. But it has been a long day and just got home. I think I’m even more confused in what I want. Family side appart (which I hate and makes me sad) it was my best weekend in a while. And my dick got his best time in a long time. But I’m now even more puzzled and confused. My wife is coming back later this week (Wednesday now normally). Gives me a few days to think things through.

Don’t hesitate to PM if you want details