NOT the mama

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by busmama, Jan 7, 2005.

  1. busmama

    busmama go away

    Am I the only one who ever wishes that for 1 day I could not be the mama???? I am so tired of refereeing, and cleaning up and hearing the dreaded....Maaaaaammmmmaaaaaa!!!!! I don't think I've had a day to myself for 11years, lol. Not only do I have 3 kids of my own, but 2 totally out of control children who need me and 3 adults to mama too. I am tired, I feel guilty, I do not want to teach reading today, I do not want to see the latest art project, I do not want to cook 3 meals. I want to lay in bed and read a book, but I have to go now and make sure everyone is dressed and no one is eating paint or anything like that.
  2. artful_dodger

    artful_dodger Member

    No, you are not the only one.

    Can one of the adults spell you for a day, so you can get some time to yourself?

    And, you didn't mention that you do, but I think it bears saying: do NOT feel guilty for feeling this way. You are a person as well as a parent. Sometimes, you need the time, space and air to tend to yourself. It's not selfish, it's human.

  3. busmama

    busmama go away

    My hubby tries his best, I'm sure. I just needed to vent. I am having a real hard time with the 2 xtra's. I am not willing to leave my kids with their mom, obviously, but somehow I have become mama to her kids too. She is working, but she never was one to pay her kids any attention, therefore they are out of control. They have no concept of respect for others, lieing is a bad habit they learned from mom. One is 7 and I have delt with 3 yos with more maturity than she has. I feel awful saying its only the 1 child, after all she's only a child, but she makes my life a living hell some days. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I don't seem to be able to deal with her. I have other adults who tell me they could never deal with her at all. I guess I have always felt that all kids just need and understanding person to love them, being a severly ADHD kid and adult I often can identify with that kid no one likes. But this one isn't ADD, just really annoying. The other kids inthe neiborhood won't play with her at all, so she spends all her time crying and whining to me. If they do decide to play with her, she will complain that she doesn't like the game, video, toy ect.. they want to play and come crying because she didn't get her way. Her brother has done really well in the last 2 monthe with us, and even he doesn't want to play with her. I have had to stop her from playing with my youngest daughter (5) because she always talks her into doing something stupid that they are not allowed to do. But its hard to take care of a kid you don't want playing with your kids, and wrong I think to keep a child all by herself all the time. So I'm stuck in situation where I either deal with the constant rule breaking and disrespect for others, or I could keep her in the house away from all the other kids in front of the Tv all day, but I just can't bring myself to do that. So its a constant battle. I am going away tomorrow just my kids and hubby and I to see a friend, so I will get a little break.
  4. busmama

    busmama go away

    Lovely idea, but if I had a nanny, I would need a job!!
  5. RyvreWillow

    RyvreWillow Member

    don't underestimate "mommy time". I'd always roll my eyes when someone told me i should just leave the kids with my husband for a little while, while i took a long bath or something, but i recently started going to the park and running (all it takes is 1 hour a day) and i already feel better about things. Like, to just get to take a breath of air that is yours and yours alone is a beautiful thing sometimes, hehe.
  6. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Lifetime Supporter

    are the extras steps or fosters?
    if fosters, there COULD be resources to spell you snce DDs are involved.
    Do you folks travel constantly or do you spend a while in each place? do you ever have a multiple family toime where the various couples could take turns getting a break?
    and why do you mama adults?
    "I'm too old to be running round/wasting my precious energy."--Tracy Chapman
  7. BobbinBecca

    BobbinBecca Member

    Yeah busmama everyone feels that way sometimes. :)
    I too am wondering what your situation is, if you're on the road somewhere, if the house you speak of is the bus or a regular-type house. My two kids' neighbor comes over often, she's 8 now and sounds like a tamed-down version of your charge. She likes to goad my kids to do things they shouldn't and lies to cover it. Now, I've found that giving her responsibility really helps her. Can you believe this girl likes to help me clean? Have you tried that with her? Being 7 - 9 is tough on a girl she's too young to babysit and too old to just "play house" so she's frustrated. I think she's playing you because she wants your attention so bad, he he she's prolly jealous of ya!!
    Anyway, try giving her some responsibility like cooking and cleaning and helping your youngest tie her shoes and stuff. Tell her you want to trust her and give her goals.
    Then tell her mom and your husband and all other adults involved how you feel. My hubby just won't believe me really if I tell him I feel stressed-- he just thinks it's a part of the mothering instinct. Ha. It's not until I tell him specifically, I need a break, I want to do such-and-such at so-and-so time and I want you to take care of the youngins while I do it so I don't go crazy and kick you when you touch me in bed. :)
    Sister, I can't wait to meet you and yours, perhaps as the snow thaws or at the national. Things are really shaping up for us to get going on the road, we're getting a hard-side camper for behind the van and saving up dough and supplies for the kitchen. I hope we get along well and will help each other out Rainbow mama style when that time comes! Hold on, be strong!
  8. hippieken

    hippieken Member

    man you said it sister!!!!!! i'm a stay at home dad and feel the same way......please help us.....we need a break!!!
  9. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member


    The dreaded "MMMMAMAMAMAMMMMAMAAAAA!!" just as soon as you have sat down on the toilet, gotten a repair person on the phone (after trying for three hours on and off, or just stepped into the tub (which you haven't seen the inside of, except to clean in two days.....)

    That, my sister, is why God invented DVD players..........

    I hope you get some Busmama time.

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