Well I just wanna say HI. I was doing coke when I posted my last post, I was snorting it, but something happened, something clicked in me and.... well... I didn't enjoy it at all. All I felt was addictions creeping up on me. I quit smoking and I quit drinking earlier this year and I know what these addictions feel like and I thought to myself: Fuck all this shit. I was going fucking crazy anyways... So I did all the remaining coke because I couldn't stop.. then I didn't buy any more. I was craving hard and I didnt know what to do so I just walked into a piercing studio and got my nipples pierced. Pain kinda helped me and gave me a nice buzz so I have decided to start getting high on the chemicals that my body makes. Heavy exercise. I started lifting heavy weights and eating very healthy.... I smoked weed a few times but it does not really work for me anymore... I need a lot. I guess those receptors are smashed to hell... Anyways..Im doing fine! I got some mdma for free and its a big temptation I dont know what im gonna do.. Im craving hard... but I got no time to roll.. Im kinda not that interested in drugs anymore as I have tried everything I wanted except meth and heavy opiates (and some research chems) and I dont want to get into these... I dont have free time to do them anymore anyways. I got a new job at my workplace Im working 7 days a week. No days off. Im gonna post some pics in the bodymod forum.. maybe in teh future. because I wanna get tattooed up and do some scarification/branding when I got time to get it done. I had some beautiful geometric hallucinations and I really want to see some of those inked up on my skin. and Im gonna get the Om symbol burned into my skin. Just to freak out all my co-workers! (they say Im the most fucked up mofo and Im gonna ride the freak out train! breaking taboos left and right!) I got into buddhism bigtime... and the tao.. that stuff (the tao) made me laugh when I realized what it was all about.... felt like a mushroom trip, (just rolling on the floor laughing....) weird experience. Im just sitting around lifting weights, listening to music, I found a nice girl (I hope things works out) Im singing Om Mani Padme Hum when I got some inner crisis... I can kinda fly away from the wheel of Samsara and that buddha dude really is pointing towards nirvana!! Peace and Love For ALL!!
Pretty common for addicts to get addicted to endorphins. Your on a bad road, worse then the drugs. Think about the problem here you need to feel pain or extreme danger. Your going to put yourself in a very dangerous situation chasing this high. I am not joking people who thrill seek like this have similar brain scans to serial killers. I am not saying you are one but be careful you will hurt yourself.
glad to hear that you're doing well. i would take the above advise seriously, but still...i think exercise and piercing your nipples is more healthy than doing coke. stay off the drugs, gendorf. stay safe.
Meth and opiates arn't worth trying. Unless you'd rather be doing those constantly then lifting weights. Good luck on finding a more natural path. Take it easy though.
This put a big smile on my face really happy to hear you're slowing down with coke booze and smokes. wish you balance and vision.
