I'm a 23 year old woman dating a man 15 years my senior. We've been together just over five months now and our sex life seems to have vanished! The first couple of months weren't bad; we'd have sex maybe three times a week? But now I'm lucky if it's once every three weeks. He's come up with lots of excuses when I try to initiate sex. Just this morning his excuse was 'I've eaten something dodgy and don't feel well.' It's not like we've been together years and just got bored of it, it's only been five months and the problems started about three months in. I was worried it was an age thing but I've dated guys older than him and they've been up for sex everyday, sometimes twice a day. Anyone have any ideas? P.S - I honestly don't understand him. Just two days ago he was texting me telling me we would have a great sex session the next day and that never happened...
I was wondering if people could give me ideas on how to approach the subject... Obviously ultimately I'll take to him.
sounds like a fair excuse. if my bowels were acting up, i would definitely not want to squirt out a poo during sex.
So it could be that his sex drive has just dropped off. It could also be some problem in the relationship too. Would you be happy continuing the relationship even if his sexual performance stayed the same?
I'm honestly not too sure. We're perfectly compatible in every way except the bedroom. For me, that's an important factor as I'm young and it's still relatively new for me. But I don't want to give up on a relationship that almost perfect in every other way
How is his general health? Is he under a lot of stress? Any body weight changes? Is he always tired? I ask those questions because I can kind of relate to him in a way. My girlfriend is a lot younger than I am, and I'm around your boyfriend's age. I have noticed that my sex drive has gone way down lately due to a number of things. One is stress, definitely. Another is from slowing down of my metabolism which basically resulted in weight gain over the couple years. Plus I've been busy with work and my brain hasn't really been able to shift from the work mode to rest mode. There are a couple of other reasons as well. But it's not that I'm attracted to my girlfriend any less, at least in my case. I don't know your boyfriend but maybe he's been the way he has due to the fact that he's experiencing some of the effects of ageing. I know I certainly have been, lol. At any rate, it is absolutely important that you two communicate. Have a discussion with him in regards to your concerns, but without making him defensive about the situation. All the best, ::TheAT::
Boy, am I glad to hear off you Alternative_Thinker. There's nothing better than hearing off someone who's in a similar situation. He has things on his mind regarding work I guess but those things have been happening since before we even started our relationship. He's been exercising for an hour everyday so his weight has actually gone down. That was another concern of mine. He can make time to exercise for an hour every day but couldn't find 30 minutes to spend in bed with me. I've been thinking for a few weeks now of how I can approach the subject without causing more issues. I don't want to make him feel guilty or like I'm pushing him or anything like that.
If he feels like you are criticizing him for not performing, that could make things worse. Maybe one thing to do is try love bombing him. Just hit him with a lot of appreciation and positive vibe. Don't try to initiate sex. If his sex drive picks up, then relationship factors may be an element. Maybe sooner or later you could talk him into giving you oral. Less demanding on him physically. From the perspective of chinese traditional medicine, it's especially bad for men to ejaculate during the winer time. Just throwing that out.
I'm not quite 38 yet, but I can tell you that when I hit 30 my sex drive started to go down. I used to be up for constant sex. I had a live in girlfriend when I was 25 and that's all we did, all the time, for six months. Once I got older, it started to drop little by little. It's very hard to explain what that's like to someone who isn't experiencing it...but I'll try. You think "loss of sex drive" and you picture this awful, depressing experience where the person is given the opportunity for sex and something in their brain just doesn't fire and they sadly mope away from it thinking "Why oh WHY don't I want the sex???" The truth is that it's more of a priorities issue. As I got older, sex just got less important. It's not sad or depressing at all, I just don't give a shit about it the way I did when I was 25...or worse, when I was 18. As you get older, I think your brain just starts to see less value in it. When I hit 30, I started passing up opportunities for hookups and even legit dates in favor of running my business and making money....and to me it's not sad, it's exactly what I want to do. Now if I had the same offer from the same girl when I was 25, I would have quit my job and run seven red lights to get into her pants. It's possibly just an age thing. I would recommend, in all seriousness, dating someone younger. And in reference to the part where you said "you've dated guys older than him and they've always been up for sex," bear in mind that all men are different. Just because his libido isn't the same, doesn't mean there's something -wrong.- Hell...it might even mean that he has something more to offer you than the other ones did.
