not being able to have children

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Hipkatmeow, May 28, 2004.

  1. Hipkatmeow

    Hipkatmeow Member

    I went to the gyno recently because I hadent had my period in 8 months... I just found out I cant have children... My whole life Ive wanted to ahve children... All I cna think about is this... I feel like Ive lost a child... just by not even getting a chance to have one... All ive been doing is crying lately... could someone give me some advice on how to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself? thank you.
     
  2. Oooohhhh, sweety, don't cry!! You can still have children!! Have you ever thought of adoption? It's an amazing way to bring children into your home who really need you, without the pain of childbirth! ;) I'm an adoption advocate...I can tell you anything you want to know about adoption, just ask!

    Feel better!
    -Kate
     
  3. akhc

    akhc Member

    have they said u can't have children naturally but need assisted conception? or have they said to you that u cannot have children period?

    I would be very surprised that assisted conception of some sort in this day and age could not help. what condition did they say u had? just curious as I'm a gynecologist as well and I've worked in assisted conception quite a bit (in the UK).

    adoption of course is always an option.. if it's a question of early menopause and your ovaries failing there's always the option of donor eggs.

    don't give up hope. all of us who work in reproductive medicine have stories have couples whom we have told would never conceive who have gone on to prove us wrong. if there's one thing I've learnt it's to never say never.. the chance of natural conception may be low but there's ALWAYS a chance.
     
  4. Tamee

    Tamee naked

    let yourself feel how you feel for awhile, it's ok. To help deal with it, I would excersize a bit every day, meditate. Just try not to let it take over your life.
     
  5. I feel for you. This must be really tough for you. And for the person who suggested jst adopting- part of the pain of not being able to bear children is knowing you cannot continue your lineage, or bring into the world something that is part of you. Adoption doesnt cure this pain for everyone.
     
  6. DiscoDawn

    DiscoDawn Members

    :eek: I think i;m the same way. Im afraid to go to the doctor though. I have no money anyways.

    But seriously, I havent had my period since arounf thanksgiving. I know im not pregnant, I took 2 pee tests and a blood test, and i would be showing by now.
    I would love to try the alternative way, with my eggs(if I have any) and hubbys sperm, and to that artificial insemination thing. See if that works. I would have adoption as a last resort.

    But yeah. Okay.
     
  7. Hipkatmeow

    Hipkatmeow Member

    Thank you all so much! I dont have much support around here so its great to know someone cares! And I have always planned on adopting b urt i still really wanted to be preanant someday... I dont know why I just always had... but as Ive come to learn life doesnt always go as I plan.... Ive gotten throught worse stuff Ill make it through this.

    akhc- Im not sure exactly whats wrong... they told me but I was in shock so I dont really remember... But I do know that its because I used to be anoerexic... and it fucked over a lot of my other organs too... so im not sure exactly whats wrong...

    but thank you all so much for responding!

    and disco dawn... if you need anyone to talk to... i know what you are going through! thanks again!
     
  8. So what if it doesn't have your DNA? It is STILL your child, it can still carry on your traditions, and it can still carry your last name! If your reasoning for having a child is to create a clone of yourself (and I doubt that's the reasoning of the hipkat) your too concieted to have kids! If you want to experience the physical part of being pregnant, that's a different story, but adopted kids are just as much a part of their parents as unadopted kids. It's like that poem:

    "Niether flesh of my flesh,
    Nor bone of my bone,
    But nevertheless
    Still my own.
    Never forget
    For a single minute:
    You weren't born under my heart,
    But in it."
     
  9. moominmamma

    moominmamma Member

    Dear HipKatmeow

    I was in a very similar situation to you twenty five years ago(yes I am getting on a bit!) I also didn't find out the reasons for my infertility except for the connection with previous annorexia, went on my way sadly, expecting not to have any children naturally, and surpised everyone by becoming pregnant at twenty-one.

    Where am I going with this, well don't give up hope yet, go back find out the causes of your infertility do some internet research and see where that takes you.


    best wishes to you

    Moominmamma
     
  10. Hipkatmeow

    Hipkatmeow Member

    moominmamma-Thank you for sharing your story... It made me have a little more hope for some day being preanant.

    and for the adoption adovocates... I have always planned on adopting! And I would always love that child like my own!
     
  11. renee

    renee Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that buddy.:( Adopt!:D I love babies! lol:p I'm gonna adopt and Asian boy when I'm 25... :cool:
     
  12. I wasn't saying that an adopted kid isn't as 'good' as a child convieved by the birth parents, but what you have to understand little girl, is that being pregnant and having your own child doesnt mean you are concieted and want a clone of yourself. There is within most woman a desire to have children, to carry a life for 9 months in their womb and then bring it into the world as part of themselves.
    Although it's awfull, some woman who are unable to have children can feel as though they have no purpose on the earth and a 'barren'. A diificult thing to understand if you are blessed with the gift of having children.
     
  13. First of all, I'm a few months younger than you...If I'm a "little girl" than what does that make you? Secondly, I said if she just has the desire to become pregnant than that was one thing, but you were talking about passing on leniage. And I personally do not feel that the ability to become pregnant is always a blessing for everyone. I personally have tocophobia (fear of childbirth) so I admittedly cannot understand hipkats desire to have children, nor did I ever claim to. I merely suggested adoption so she would know her other options.


    -Kate
     
  14. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    No doctor can say with absolute certainty "You cannot have children." (Unless, of course, you have no uterus!) Some docs feel the need to discourage and degrade people who have illnesses like anorexia. Does this particular doctor feel you shouldn't have children, in his opinion, because he doesn't approve of your former illness? I know a quite a few womyn who have had pasts with mental illness, addiction ect who were told they "could never have children" because the doctor wanted to play God about who he thought should be able to reproduce.

    Medically, he can't know for sure! Really. When you are older, and partnered, and trying to get pregnant, get a good fertility doctor. My guess would be you WILL be able to have children. Dont' despair now. There is probably hope.

    Just what type of tests and procedures did this doctor do to say, for positive, that you could never have children? Did you have a endoscopy? Did he do Hormone tests? Did he do all 4 thyroid tests? Have you charted your ovulation with a basal thermometer and with ferning equipment? Have you TRIED to get pregnant and had at least a year of failure? Have you used fertility drugs and procedures and still failed? If all these were NOT done, there is NO WAY your doctor could know for sure. There IS hope for you. I think your doctor was messing with your head due to his own prejudices (as in "Womyn who have this illness shouldn't have kids, so I'll tell her she can't have them.")

    Blessings.
     
  15. ArtistofPeace

    ArtistofPeace Senior Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your news. You didn't have your period for 8 months? Ya know...I don't get my period regularly either. I didn't get it for 8 months once...and then I didn't get it for another 11 months once...etc, etc. I always joke that I'm infertile...but shit...maybe I am...lol.

    Hang in there, darlin'. Don't give up hope.
     
  16. bluewoodfloor

    bluewoodfloor Member

    If you really want to go the route of fertility tests,try it. But adoption is a great thing . You still can share the love and dynamics of your family! Being pregnant is not always a great thing. But raising a child with your mind , body and soul can be truly fulfilling! Good Luck!
     
  17. nightmarehippygirl

    nightmarehippygirl LEVI'S MOMMY

    i feel for you. i have also had an eating disorder (anorexia) since i was 12 or 13, nonetheless, i have been told that i should be able to concieve. i have been trying about six months, and am now using a fertility monitor to help figure out when the best time to try is.
    my take on your situation is this...if you are still very much underwieght, you may not be ovulating. as such, you would not be able to get pregnant. that's you body's way of cutting back on the nonessentials. no matter how much wieght i lost, i never stopped ovulating, so this was never an issue for me, but i know that for many girls it is. if you aren't within your target wieght, you should try to get there, to see if your cycle gets back to normal.
    in any case, i would go back to the dr, to find out exactly what your diagnosis is. if you are afraid that you are going to freak out and not be able to remember anything, take someone with you. write down the questions you want to ask...what is my condition called....what exactly is malfunctioning (ovaries, hormones, etc.)...what causes it...are there any treatments...could i get pregnant by utilizing "alternative" methods, if so which ones...
    this is one of those situations where you are going to have to be your own advocate. good luck to you.
     
  18. HipKat, you really need to get a second opinion, maybe even a third opinion. I wouldn't believe the first doctor who tells you this. This statement that you can 'never have children' is pretty extreme if that is what the doc said. Get another opinion.

    I was told once by a doctor, when I was 21, that I had cervical cancer and that he needed to cut half of my cervix away, meaning I would probably never have kids. I went to another doctor and lo and behold, no cancer showed up in the second doctors tests. I don't know what b.s. that first doc was giving me, maybe he just couldn't read the test right. Anyway, if you haven't already, get a second opinion.
     

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