It's been snowing all night, so.... 8:00 I made a snowman 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman 8:15 So, I made a snow woman 8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead 8:22 The transgender man..woman..person asked why I didn't make one snow person with detachable parts 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple are white 8:31 the Muslim gent across the road demands that the snow woman wears a burqa 8:40 The police arrive saying someone has been offended 8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that snow woman's broomstick needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role 8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction 8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up, I am asked if I knew the difference between a snowman and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and I am called a sexist 9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices...my children are arrested.
An elderly man walks into confession and says.. “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.” The priest said, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father… I'm Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “I’m telling everybody!”
"Are you allowed to wear that turban instead of a crash helmet?" I asked this Sikh. "Yes, " he replied. "You're an idiot then. You will be killed. " I said. "No I won't, " he answered, "I haven't got a motorbike. "
I met a girl in a club earlier and told her she was like my little toe. She said, "Why because I'm small and petite?" I replied, "No, because I'll probably bang you later on the the table when I'm pissed."
A MAN told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me what is wrong with me.” “Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re lazy.” “OK,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
Forgot about this ! Paddy read that a third of people could expect to die in their own bed. Since then he's been sleeping in the spare room.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.... Cost me a bloody arm and a leg. Don't ever let 80s star Paul Young leave a hat at your house. He'll try and claim your property. Americans, build the wall on the Mexican side, and call it "foreign aid".
A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments. The door opened and a man entered. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," he began. "I have stolen." The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary. The next time the door opened, a woman walked in. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner." The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady, "What does Father John give for a blow job?" "$12.50 if I take me teeth out."
when this quite hefty, very plain looking old cow type woman came up behind me, grabbed me by my arse and said, "You are very cute. Have yo got a phone number?" I said, "Yes. Have you got a pen?" She said, "Yes, I’ve got a pen". I said, "Then you 'd better get back into it before the farmer misses you".
