No Sex For 10 Years

The title sums it up. I'm a 31 year old guy, the last time I had sex was with some slutty housemate. After that I have just not been interested in sex. I want to know what people think because first of all I know it is not normal. Although people don't have sex 24/7 every day of the week they will still have sex a lot. And in nearly any culture it is not normal to simply not have sex for hardly any reason. To me it just feels like I never really got to the point where it was ok to be with a woman. Yes I went through a lot of bad Sh** growing up but that was honestly a million years ago. I don't get why everyone finds it so easy to have sex. Having sex with random people the first few times was so boring and building an honest connection with other people is so hard. I have been alone for so long that I barely know anything about sex. That will probably make some people laugh. How screwed up is that.

 

It's okay.

Some people can have casual sex and enjoy it; others want it to mean more. There's nothing wrong with either.

 

I think it's weird that people have sex so easily too. It seems like a fortean task to me. Supposedly science has proven that people who have sex like once a week or something are healthier than average, but I don't really buy that. Frankly, I think people who have a lot of sex are unintelligent.

 

Aw...Come on, now. That's a horrible blanket statement to make.

 

Don't worry.

Firstly I would say that sex should be something to have when you want to have it, not when you feel pressure, guilt, or shame.

There are monks and other professional spiritual seekers who are deliberately celibate. In the eastern traditions, combining celibacy with a regular meditation practice is considered a critical part of making spiritual progress. It's not always the case that not having sex is a bad thing.

There are some people who are not having sex because they are having trouble finding a partner. There are some people who are not having sex because there is something emotional or traumatic keeping them from having sex.



Both could be an issue for you. Whether it is related to your not having sex or not, getting therapy to deal with your negative past experiences might be good.

A simple approach might be to write down everything about your past negative experiences in a journal. Then you could try reading it over and over again, until it no longer bothers you. When reading it no longer bothers you, you can then burn the journal.

I know that in some places there is a thing called "sexual surrogacy". The sexual surrogate has sex with you as part of therapy.

I don't know how widely available it is, or what you would have to do to qualify.

 

Yes, I have since come to the realization that there might be people with a meaningful, quasi-scientific evaluation of their sex lives. But I don't think it's intelligent to say that human beings are universally "sexual creatures", as in human beings universally have, or want to have, sex with random strangers, and then to implement this approach to life as if it were a genuine philosophy towards life.

 

Okay, un-doublespeak please.

Are you saying that you don't think everyone who has alot of sex is ignorant?

 

Well ignorance is pretty universal. I'm ignorant of what it's like to have a lot of sex. So what I'm saying is that I can't possibly say that knowing what it's like to have a lot of sex isn't valuable information in some way. And so long as someone is cognizant of the fact that they're collecting valuable information that is meaningful to their lives, I don't have a problem with it.

I also can't blame someone who collects sexual partners like a giant spider collecting victims in its lair, indifferent to their needs and desires, consuming their emotions like so much tasty blood. Their psychological need for sex runs to the very foundation of their being.

It's only the people who have lots of sex but never integrate their experiences in a meaningful way that disgust me, and there are a lot of people out there like this. Maybe the majority of people, who are just monkey see/monkey do. People who had sex for the first time because they were horny, got over the teenage horniness, and continued to have sex because "it's what I do."

 

Some people like me just never got the memo at all. It would be nice to have meaningful sex, but meaningless sex is still attractive to me, just that I never really got that far in my head to go out and work out what it was all about.

..no, I don't think it's that important. If you think of the stereotype science geek, then maybe, but I am sure that there are plenty of intelligent people who are still just as able to have a sex life.

Yeah I've always felt that sex is something extremely pressurising and getting over the basic fear of it has been hard. And no lol I know that there are monks (in western as well as eastern cultures) which pursue celibacy as a sacrifice to god. However, that is definitely not interesting to me.

But THAT doesn't bother me. What I know now is that other people really think that not having sex is weird, and that you are a) mentally 'different' in some way or b) in the closet/bisexual. No, I don't care what others think, and it doesn't bother me, but a part of me now has started to wonder if I should, because I have waited most of my life, and the friendships, relationships or sex hasn't come naturally. So it's up to me to change that.

And yes there have been some bad events in my life, but not any different from what most if not all people have to go through. I would have preferred to have lost my virginity to a like-minded partner instead of sleeping around with extremely horny girls who wanted sex from just anyone. That is not supposed to be mean, a lot of guys are like that as well.

Ouch, you are not helping dude, lol. Actually I was really scared of women for a long time, I couldn't even speak to them. At one point as a kid I watched some sci fi horror thing and the guy died during intercourse. So for some time I thought that sex could kill you.

Theres a lot of bitterness and vile attitude towards women on the internet too. Particurarly some groups who I won't name. They are filled with people like me who are frustrated about sex and turn it into some kind of issue. When it is in reality based on the individual him or herself. Sex isn't complicated though although to me it is still really scary for some reason. That isn't normal or healthy.

Again I can relate to this. A lot of my old friends knocked up their girlfriends and they kept having kids. At the time I thought "Why not just use a condom?" "Oh man it just feels better without one" "But you don't have a job!" "Ah man who cares" Most of them were in/out of school and didn't have much in the way of work. So yes a major thing that scares me out of sex completely is children. What a horrible thing to admit.

 

Only 10 years?



I'm not seeing the problem here...

 

Did you ever think that some women are actually an alien lifeform that looks like a vagina which disguises itself as a human, and it sucks your soul out through your penis when you have sex with it?

 

LOL no! But that could be how how my dad feels about his ex wife it would explain a lot

 

I like getting 10 years worth of sex per day.

 

The more you fuck, the less intelligent you are. See, that's how come I don't fuck.

 

Do you eat a lot of acid, newbie-one?

 

No wonder I got so wise in my 15 year marriage that I served him divorce papers this past week!

 

... back in the hippie days

 

Yeah I must be dumb as dog shit or something by the more sex you less intelligent you are logic. But that's cool. At least my legs are quivering. Mmmmmmmm

 

The phrase "fuck your brains out" isn't meant to be taken literally.