NFL Season Starts this Week — Fans, do You ...

. . . pleasure yourself during halftime?

Fifteen minute break in the game, what are your choices? Watch highlights and scores of the other games that day along with an endless parade of commercials? Or do you put on some porn, drop trou, and rub one out on the sofa?

Of course the degree of privacy you are enjoying at the time makes a difference. But when you are watching a game alone and not expecting any visitors, what’s your choice?

 

It’s game time. For me, the two words are “game time” - I’m there for the game. Half time is spent in the kitchen refilling drinks (margaritas on the rocks with no salt, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Coors) & getting more food (ribs, tri-tips, dogs, burgers, potato chips, dip, nachos, tortilla chips, salsa, taquitos, brownies). And a couple of big cans of Bush’s Baked know, the usual stuff. And then there’s the health food: bananas covered with Jif Creamy Peanut Butter. But all of this is just an aperitif — the main course has been in the oven for 45 minutes already: a baking tray filled with a couple dozen Jimmy Dean mini sausages, wrapped in bacon and secured with a toothpick. Then drizzled in dark brown sugar and topped with shredded pepper jack cheese and sliced jalapeños. A dish I like to call a cardiologist’ worst nightmare.

And I do all this while watching highlights from my game and the others that are going on. It’s kind of a religious thing. Amen. There are other variables for specific games, but those are secret recipes for now.

 

I somehow really doubt football season has any real impact on anyone's self-pleasure habits.

 

I have Red Zone and am in a game pool. There is no halftime for me.