hi everyone... i am new here, have never posted online before but am really in need of help. my girlfriend of 2 years has broken up with me saying that she no longer is attracted to me and has only seen me for a friend for the past few months and although she has tried to get her feelings back she just can't. neither of us cheated, and she said she doesn't want another relationship for a long time she just wants to be on her own now. i am totally heartbroken. we had our problems but deep down i always thought we would get through it. i have agreed to stay friends with her but it hurts. i can't bear the thought of not being in contact with her even though it's difficult. i am 35 and she was the first woman ive been in love with. i came out as gay about 5 years ago and have only had 2 gay relationships. i left my previous girlfriend because i wasn't in love with her. so now i am single, for the first time in a long time (i had relationships with men before i realised who i really was but it never felt right) and have never really been heartbroken before. i am totally panicking as i have no idea how or where i would ever meet someone else, not that i want to look at anyone else right now. i feel so alone. i have no lesbian friends, and very few friends at all because my ex was pretty much my whole life (mistake i know). i have never been out on the gay scene and i never get hit on by girls as i look very straight so i am told. i just feel so lost and confused. i don't want to jump into anything with anyone but i thought she was the one and now that i know its over i just see this huge endless empty future ahead of me and i am so depressed. i don't know who i am anymore without her. my ex is different to me. she is very strong, has always dated women and has lots of gay friends. she has a strong identity, is feminine but obviously gay if that makes sense, she is used to going out and will have no trouble meeting anyone else, girls hit on her all the time... nor does she have any problem being alone. she is also happy now because for her the relationship was over months ago and she already has her head around it. i am angry with myself for being so weak and caring so much. i don't really know what i'm asking for here, advice, comfort, hope? i just wonder if there's anyone out there who understands how i feel because i have never felt so alone in my life thank you and im sorry my first post here was so depressing!! rachel
Hello Rachel, Huge Hugs!!!! I can relate in some ways as I was married and now I am separated from my wife. My wife was my whole world. I thought I had found my soul mate. I am lucky to say that I am still friends with my wife, because we are still legally married. I have been out since I was 21, and had many gay friends. Since I have moved back to the place I was born. I don't have many friends at all. I am just getting out of a toxic relationship. For me it is over between us. She doesn't know this because she is on vacation with her best friend. Now before we jump the gun here. I haven't heard from her in 5 days or so. No phone calls, emails, or test. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt because it does. It is also confusing since she said she loved me. I have decided I am not going to take it anymore. I deserve better, someday. So here I sit, trying to figure out Who I Am? I am taking the time to figure out me. What I like or dislike? What I want to try since I am now single? Where do I want to go? Its hard when you wrap yourself up within a person. You become a we. Now you have become and I. Hopefully you will find people on here to talk to and become friends with.
