New Short Story

Discussion in 'Writers Forum' started by SunshineTheAngryHipi, Jan 30, 2005.

  1. Hey all. I just finished a new short story and thought I'd share it here first for an honest review. I know there are some spelling errors i didnt catch, but i dont have spell check and i dont think any one here really minds. Enjoy.

    The Parable of the Life of Dave​

    (A.K.A. Imagine: No Idiots)​

    By Ochs(Sunshine the Angry Hippie)​

    Let me share a story with you. It has a moral, but you'll like it still, I swear! It all went down something like this...

    Dave was happy. It was Tuesday and Tuesday is always a happy day for Dave. But this was an extra special kind of Tuesday because Dave could wear the T-shirt he bought the day before (which happened to be Monday). Dave put it on, made sure to shut off his stereo because Ted Nugent scared his cat, and proudly stepped out the door for all to see his new shirt.

    It was a dandy of a shirt. There was a big yellow smilely face in the middle. Above it there was the word IMAGINE and below it read NO LIBERALS. How Dave loved it. Not only would it upset all those uppity blue state types, but it made fun of that hippie-dreamer John Lennon. As Dave liked to say, "If you hit two birds with one stone, you've just saved ammo."

    And so Dave set out on his daily walk though suburbia, walk that would soon become an incredible journey. On and on he marched, passing the various residents of the Shadey Grove Gated Community. He never liked the name, it sounded to much like 'commune'. Dave had other things on his mind though, like how the world would like his new shirt. And most indeed did like it. Dave could always tell by an approving chuckle or nod. Sometimes though, he would find an actual libby. Dave didn't like how they had infiltrated his gated community, but when those leftists sneered at his shirt it made him happier that anything else.

    Dave decided to take a rest from his Surgeon General's recomended daily exercise. He found a nice tree to rest under, thinking himself lucky, as it was the only tree known to exist in Shadey Grove.

    "Golly!" Dave said to himself,"I sure wish I really could make a world with no pesky liberals!"

    "Perhaps I could be of assistance.", came a voice from above.

    "What?! Who said that?" pondered Dave.

    "Twas I, my fine sir.", answered the voice from behind the leaves in the spruce Dave was resting on.

    "Well who might you be?"

    "I'm a Magic Elephant, and I've come to grant you one wish."

    Dave knew it must be real when he saw the elephant in the tree because drugs are illegal and Dave respected laws.

    "I do have a wish for you, Magic Elephant.", Dave revealed, "I want the power to get rid of the liberals once and for all!"

    "Your wish is my command." the elephant told Dave and promtly dissapeared.

    What a fine Tuesday it had been for Dave. With his new powers he would change things. Now people would be on time to stuff, they wouldn't always be complaining, and everybody could own a guilt free Hummer to drive forever and ever.

    It was time to get to work. As soon as the Magic Elephant had gone, Dave found himself standing in a line of people streching as long and far as the eye could see. To the right of Dave everybody looked kind of like his type o' regular guy. He even recognized a few of his drinking buddies. To Dave's left though, he did not like what he was seeing at all. Their hair was longer. There were a lot of minoritys. Some were poloticians, movie stars, and others Dave had seen on TV. Dave thought they all smelled wierd, like he had always imagined a socialist would.

    "It's time all of you went away!" Dave yelled at them.

    One by one, starting on the left end, they diapeared as Dave laughed and laughed. But when there were only two left, someone spoke up.

    "Wait, Mr. Dave!" she shouted,"Spare me! I'm no liberal!"

    And so dave decided to make sure. They got to talking about all sorts of wild things, and agreeing! Dave was glad he didn't make the mistake of smiting his new friend.

    "We do need more gun control though." commented Dave's new freind.

    "Are you nuts?! We need less!", yelled Dave, and then destoyed her.

    Dave looked over at the one remaining person to his left and asked,"How about you? Are you some kind of hippy like that crazy woman?"

    "No way!", said the stranger, "We don't need any more gun control. It's fine just the way it is."

    "Fine the way it is?! Don't you listin at all?! Real men hate gun laws!",and Dave smited the last of them.

    "Finally, my work is done." He said as he turned to meet his conserative brethren.

    But Dave noticed something strange at this point. They were all scowling at him!

    "What's wrong fellas? I just took care of the entire left wing of society, ya know."

    "Why Don't you take a look at who's on the left now?" the crowd answered, "We did, and we don't like your type!"

    Dave then relized his mistake. He had made what he thought would be a world where every one agrees, a world without liberals, but didn't pause to take his own shirt's advice and imagine one first, without thinking what the word liberal really ment. Dave also relized that he was the most hard-line liberal ever to live, and it was all his fault. And so, that last thought proving to be just too much, Dave exploded.

    *END*​

    Post Script: If your the kind of person who hates foreiners, any of those Jesus-exempt religions, or just have a thing for short sighted thinking in general, you can buy the above mentioned shirt or others like it at www.thoseshirts.com.​
    I hope you enjoyed that and some feedback would far out!​
     
  2. sharon

    sharon Member

    Your story flows well and although it has a pretty heavy handed moral, it is well worth a read. I hope you continue to write as you are talented at pacing the story and painting the picture but would recommend that you choose a less moral centred story in the future or maybe even one where the moral isn't as emphasised.
     

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