New here. Never thought I'd be searching for help like this. Sexual help.

First. I am not a shy person so coming here to discuss this should tell you I am troubled a bit.

A few particulars. In my 40s. Divorced over 10 years. Have always been selective in my partners. Educated, clean, professional, discriminating, selective.

G/F of a bit over a year now. First woman since my divorce that I have more in line with than the others. Professional, no kids, stable life, good lifestyle choices, etc etc. I very much enjoy her in my life for lots of reasons and sex should be part of the big picture.

I am bit older than her and have had more sexual diversity and I guess kinkier things than she has experienced. She has been much more conservative in her experiences. All openly discussed in the beginning and with her whole hearted pleasure to learn more from me and my experiences.

So let me cut to the chase. There are 3 things that are problematic that don't seem to be going away, and I am trying to figure out how to approach them.

1. My partner is pretty unique as women go as she is not multiorgasmic. She is like a man, climax once and then enter into an over sensitive refraction stage. That last the rest of the day at least. Where this become problematic is that if she reaches climax during intercourse, she becomes to sensitive to continue. Leaving me often with either stopping my quest to climax or just taking care of me myself.

2. I enjoy a healthy round of deepthroat sex with my partner. I won't demand it all the time but there are times that I need it as it brings me the best orgasms. In my past partners, I have always found women that enjoy and even crave it. So I am used to it being available and not a drama to discuss. If I am particularly stressed, or etc. its the best form of release I personally have. I never needed to discuss this with my past partners as they seemed to get it. And they were happy to accommodate me. My partner asked me what I liked (as we all should) and I responded with this as one of my list. She said she didn't have any experience there but was willing to learn. I responded with I will be a patient partner and help in any way I could. I have taught others how to and I'd happily help if I could. She has pretty much pulled away from this and has openly said she just can't get there in her head.

3. We are size mismatched. I have never regretted being large until now. It has been a steady challenge trying to figure out how to enjoy some sex acts that I have taken for granted in the past. She is pulling away sexually if I am in full erection. We have found that if she doesn't, my size results regular bruising of her bladder, or cervix and she simply can't take the pounding on her G-Spot. In the past these areas have always resulted in heightened responses, here it is just the opposite. I am so afraid of hurting her that I get anxiety if I want to thrust. So we have sort of reached a compromise of sorts. If I climax a lot, I don't get as erect as when I hold off. Because of this we can find a few position that are pleasurable for her, then she climaxes and then Problem 1 takes effect.

To add to #3, if I am not fully erect then I often can't thrust wholly as it causes my penis to bend if she zigs a little and I am zagging. So as a result semi erect sex is causing me pain in the process by a penis that bends violently at times when it should be rigid. Shes needing me to go faster and I'm afraid I'm going to have a sudden bending that will be painful. It has happened 3 times in the last year. With resulting scarring in my penis that is setting me up for Urology visits for peyronie's disease. She is a physician and has already seen the effects of these mishaps and feel horrible about her being the cause of this.

She feels horrible and in-adequate and I am trying to reassure her that I won't pressure her into anything.

But what this has done is allow her to simply back off of any of these areas. She doesn't enjoy getting over the pain I cause her from sex, she has pretty much given up on the deepthroat aspects Now it has simply turned into excuses as to why she won't go there. She has even said she is willing or prefers that she introduce a more capable woman into our bed to provide me with more fulfilling sex. While having had threesomes in the past, this would NOT be a reason to have them now. There is no way in hell I will win if she feels inadequate in bed and another woman can manage me better.

I thought after a year we'd work this out, but I find that we are both having a a difficult time trying to discuss this. I have no intentions of leaving her over this, but I am feeling like I will always be in a halfway sexual outcome here. I have never cheated on a partner and won't now.

Any insights on how I can handle this?

 

You could always try chatting on a few other threads on here to take your mind off sex.

 

I am not seeking help in any other areas. Searched online and found this site based on the search of my concerns. Its what I came here for.

 

Disclaimer - I'm not a therapist or counselor of any sort but the way I see it you have three options:

1. Continue with the status quo.
2. See a sex therapist (jointly) to see if you can work out your issues.
3. Say you're incompatible sexually and move on.

The ball as they say is in your court.

 

Response 1 makes more sense than Option 3 to me. It would be cold hearted to kick anyone to the curb simply based on sexual differences. Maybe in my youth but it was easier to find suitable partners then. More selection.
Option 2 I have no problem with if we could both find it in our schedules to support it.

I came here seeking practical experience from similarly situated. And lobbed the ball into this forum to see if it will be practical.

 

This.

If you don't like the therapy idea, I don't know how to help you. Most people who come here for this only want to be told that it's ok to continue doing what they're doing.

If you want help, get help! It's as simple as that. There are clinics if you can't afford it, so don't think you can't get help.

 

As stated in my above response. I didn't say I wouldn't support therapy sessions. What I said was the difficulty in finding 2 schedules (hers and mine) to accommodate them. The issue isn't money or believing that therapy can't help.

And I came here seeking help so it is as simple as that.

 

1) Even though her post-orgasmic crotch is too sensitive to touch, the oral option does remain. I also wonder if she becomes extremely sensitive from an orgasm from oral sex. There are many many options. You orgasming before her from intercourse and then providing an orgasm via manual or oral stimulation is only one of the many options.

2) Deep throating, as in fulling inserting the penis into the throat rather than the mouth, isn't as common as you seem to think. "Pulled away from it and can't get there in her head" is awfully vague. Get where in her head? What do you want her to do that she doesn't?

3) "She is pulling away sexually if I am in full erection." Does that mean that she isn't taking the full length of your penis into her? Well, if it hurts, of course she isn't. I'm curious about your expression "can't take the pounding on her G-Spot". The G-Spot is an area on the side of the vagina to pound on it on would have to approach from right angles to the length of the vagina. One slides across the G-Spot and the phrase "pounding on" is odd in that context.

 

Maybe you should go to a couple sessions regardless of your scheduling conflicts.

It's a two way street and all that... but you can lay out the groundwork with a therapist alone. Then, later she can come on board when her schedule permits. I'm sure her work or your work will permit this. If not, Good luck to you.

 

Someone needs to invent a penis bumper, so the guys with long dicks can pound hard and not hurt the girls.
I would be the first in line to buy one!

 

As for her sensitivity after she cums. I can relate to that! I’m pretty sensitive as well but I can manage to keep going.
I like it better if we cum at the same time but if we don’t, then he will finish off in doggy which is less contact with my clit.
If he cums first, I can still cum if I ride him, I have at least 5 mins before he’s completely soft and I get turned on even more from his cum oozing out because it gets all slimy and slippery for me to slide in.

 

Thank you for a respectful response. To clarify a bit.

1) Once she orgasms in any manner, the super sensitivity is there. She prefers to be untouched until it that subsides.
2) Common or not, it is something I was asked and had experience in to respond. Not every women dopes it I know, but there are more than a few that do not only do so but enjoy the act. It is mental process as much as a physical one. Learning the skill requires that you commit to overcoming the aspects that hold you back. Its an un-natural act for your body to put something down an airway that requires some metal commitment to overcome.
3) We have tried to find positions that work in full erection. So far we haven't found one that doesn't cause discomfort. If I go past the G-Spot while making contact with it as I go past it, its results in her grimacing. It has become an exercise in gentle and controlled.

If I take her in full erection, it results in painful after effects that last anywhere from 2 -4 days. I hate the idea that I bruise or hurt her in the process of sex. So I get anxiety I will hurt her and she gets anxiety that I will hurt her. She is "on guard" and afraid to move much So the compromise has been, try and maintain a less than full erection......etc etc.

She prefers, and I completely understand, the female on top to allow her to control the depth and location. But as she works that, I get harder and she wants to stop as then her trying to keep herself from going down too far results in her trying to hold her self off from complete penetration. Hard on the muscles and hard on the psyche.

 

Glad you can relate. Thanks for understanding. Is there anything you can do to minimize that sensitivity that you are aware of?

I know for me as far as my sensitivity goes, the only way I can prevent it is to hold back on the orgasm. Instead of building up, I let myself climax as soon and as quickly as possible. Lower intensity, lower sensitivity.

I have tried to vocalize that to her but she doesn't seem to be able to manage the intensity. Its an all, then nothing, response.

Please don't ever think I am not grateful for her pleasure because I am thankful for it. I just think she is the first partner I have considered compromising sexually for I guess I can say. I don't know if she is over sensitive or simply smaller anatomically. But I do admit that I find myself throttling back and not feeling like I want to go full force in most of the sexual regards I used to.

She offers me much in the big picture of things, but I am sad to see her get upset that she feels sexually inadequate, so I find myself staring to avoid sex at times now.

 

Regarding sensitivity, Do you mean her clit or the deep penetration?
For the clit, after she cums, can’t you just flip her over and finish off that way? Then it’s less sensitive, less contact on her clit.
As for deep penetration sensitivity, I find certain positions worse then others. Sometimes in doggy position, I put my hand behind me to act as a block or bumper so he doesn’t go in as deep, it kinda sucks and I do think he hates that because he always pushes my hand away. Sometimes if I angle myself differently in doggy so I can tolerate the pain better.
Some days seems worse then others for pain. His cock also curves to the right so that causes pain on whichever side depending on position.

 

Once she climaxes all of her becomes super sensitive. She tries to continue with insertions but its clearly a dodgy environment. She says her whole vaginal area is super sensitized. I have witnessed for instance, that she can take stimulation to say her G-Spot digitally, pre orgasm, but afterwords that same act will prove too much for her. She can reach climax either by insertion or by clitoral stimulation without insertion. Or if in some positions she gets both clitoral and insertion climaxes at the same time.

And I didn't miss your point about cumming at the same time. But that has proven to be a challenge for us. In order for me to climax I need the right friction and feedback. Most of the time my challenge is refraining from that as it may hurt her.

There may be something about the curvature that is in common here. I curve upward. That used to serve me well for natural G=Spot contact during intercourse. But in this case its proving to be not so good. So no matter the position that curve has to be accommodated. I try to shift my angle, but I always get feedback that I hit something, cervix, bladder, etc.

 

I’m not sure what else to suggest except for having her finish you off with her mouth or hand.

 

How often you both manage to cum at the same time? I think the man has to hold a little bit until the woman is about to cum. How do you mange it?