negative additudes about parenting

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by nightmarehippygirl, May 19, 2004.

  1. Levi

    Levi Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I have 2 kids. And sometimes they really get on my very last nerve. BUT I love them very much, of course.

    Quite often when my children misbehave my mother goes off on a long rant about how I need to get my tubes tied. She'll watch the kids. She'll drive me. She says to me (her oldest) that having kids ruined her life. (She has told me this all of my life.) She constantly says that she doesn't know how I can stand it every day. Her visits to my house often end with her acting like she is overwhelmed by my kids and has to leave to escape.

    Some people are just really negative about kids. It's sickening. My grown brothers are rude to my kids, too.
     
  2. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    First lesson. IF you want your parents to realize you are an ADULT, you have to start acting like one, and stop depending on them FREE day care and free rides. By allowing your mother to think you CANNOT get along without her, you are only perpetuating the actions and feelings she has that you have to listen to her and take her advice.

    Yeah, it costs more to PAY for day care, or to get a car and take care of it, but if you continue to let her take care of you like a child and run your life, she will only get worse. The ONLY way she will realize you are an adult is if you stop taking "favors" from her. My dh and I HAD to do this with his parents and mine. It costs some money, but what you will save in sanity is worth it.

    Levi, I like you a lot, but I need to say, you are 30 years old. It is time to cut the cord to your own mama. SHE and you need to realize you can and will get along without her help and constant "advice." As long as you let her "take care" of you, she will feel she still owns you and has the right to try to run you. Break the cord, now. I guarentee you will be glad you did it.

    LET HER ESCAPE! It will do both of you nothing but good. Limit her "visits" and elimiate them for a while if she insists on trying to run you. If she thinks her children ruined her life (what an awful thing to say to one's children) why would you even want her around yours. Lead by example, show her YOU are a good mama, and that you don't need her negativity or her permission to BE a good mama.

    Blessings, peace and strength.
     
  3. Mari

    Mari Member

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    Maggie, I think you misunderstood Levi. I think she meant that her mother would take care of the kids while she was recouperating, and drive her to and from the appointment.

    I could be wrong, but that's the way I read it :)
     
  4. Mari

    Mari Member

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    Kids are like that sometimes. I think it's a game they play to see how long it will take us to pull our hair out ;) LOL

    Perhaps your mom needs a wake up call, and you need to give it to her. Next time she says this thank her very much for letting you know that you did this to her even though you had no say in the matter from the beginning, and tell her that if she feels this way she need not visit for awhile and you won't be able to visit her.

    Kids are not stupid, and they will figure all this out before very long. You'll need to give them extra hugs when they do.

    I hope everything works out for you and your family :)
     

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