Needing some help.. :(

*support vibes*

 

Thank you so much everyone.. *hugs all*

My only problem when I leave is weakness. I constantly want to believe he'll change and give me the attention I deserve, but then when I come back (moron!) things slowly degenerate to back to what they were.
*sigh*

 

yea i went back to somthing that id left cause it wasnt workin twice cause i told myself i had so much invested n such , but it just got worse n worse .....ya just gotta turn the page n go forward ....

 

Mhmm totally been there. It's kind of like an addiction. Maybe it would help you to think of it that way.

 

white ginger - that's a pretty good idea. The only thing that drives me nuts is he screamed up and down (not literally) when we were split up about how much he missed me and loved me, etc..etc.. Boy oh boy, shit really changed when I came back.. I mean, it took less than 2 months for it to go back to the way it was, if not worse before.

What really pisses me off is that I will sit on the couch watching tv (which I hate) waiting for him to get done with the video games and watch tv with me (just for us to do SOMETHING together) and what does he do? Either play on the computer or brings his PSP over to the couch. Of course, yeah, he's sitting with me, but he's not "there."

I swear, I keep talking myself in circles. *sigh* I know that it's best to end it, but I hate hurting people.

 

It doesn't sound like you hate hurting yourself, babe.

 

Don't do it because you got advice here, don't do it because someone else did it. Do it because you know it is the best thing, the right thing to do FOR YOU.

And once done, resolve yourself that it is, in fact, done and there is no going back. You've made it clear that he won't change no matter what he says he will do, so don't you change your mind.

I was a single dad for many years and dated quite a bit. I wish I had a dollar for every woman I met who went back to her hub because he promised to change and she already KNEW he wouldn't. I could probably buy all of you (yes, all 17,000 of you) a drink. You truly don't know how well you can swim until you jump in the water.

 

No offense to anyone, but I dont think anyone who doesnt have extensive experience with long relationships or is not married, should not be trying to give advice.

 

Well, if it makes you feel better, I've been married for 12 years and have managed to have only 3 "fights" during that time. If the man has been confronted with what he is doing and doesn't change his behavior, then he's gone and is just hanging around because he doesn't have to work at it any more. He's already gone - like you said Albin0 - Maybe you SHOULD move on?

 

I've been in a somewhat similar situation where the computer was more important than me and the sex wasn't that satisfying. You need to stop faking it, when you stop faking it he will make more of an effort to make things better sexually. Sex is a huge part of a relationship and if you guys get that underway maybe you guys can start to figure out how to solve some of your other issues.

As for leaving him, you really don't want to or otherwise you would have. If you feel there is something to be saved then try because marriage is a lifelong committment.

With all of that being said, I hope things work out and that you guys can find whatever it was that made you happy in the first place.

 

Well how do you know that some of us weren't married or in long relationships?

 

and what's wrong with getting another perspective on it? All I really said was to follow Hackers advice and if that doesn't work, if the guy doesn't change then it's time to seriously consider leaving. I don't think anyone in their right mind would recommend staying in a relationship that is causing her pain and anguish and the guy is not willing to change his harmful behaviour at all

and i do believe that was a double negative hon

 

Honestly, I never really wanted to get married. I mean, when I think back, I can't remember WHY I did in the first place.

Even when I wasn't faking sex wasn't ever really that gratifying. I mean the one nice thing about him is that he has a vasectomy so I don't have to worry about getting pregnant. (I don't want kids!) It's just hard to hurt someone, and I've never been the dumper before with anyone, only the dumpee.

 

really!

you deserve a man who will worship you as the goddess you are

or a woman

*giggggles*

i'm with Therefore.... life is too short to settle.

*hugz*

 

Talk to him about it and tell him if he doesn't change you leave him. But don't ask for drastic changes unaccomplishable.

 

Ever heard of divorce? lol... anyways. You are not only hurting yourself by staying with him if you are unhappy, but him as well. If your relationship is based on a lie, then you need to change that. I wasn't married or anything, but I just got out of a relationship similar to yours. I felt much better after we split. I'm back to my old self again.