Neediness - the ultimate attraction killer?

I've read in dating advice articles that neediness is the ultimate attraction killer. But when I see surveys written, and compiled responses to the most unattractive personality trait a man (or possibly a woman) could have, nobody seems to say that it's neediness.

Looking back, I've killed off my earliest relationships and courtships by being too needy. Wanting her around me all the time and being obsessive. But on the other hand I've been not needy enough, and never conveyed what I wanted in our interactions. In the end she had no idea I was even attracted to her or saw me as a potential lover for that reason.

 

There's a difference between needing someone, as in wanting to be around that person because you're in love, he/she makes you feel good, etc...and becoming possessive/controlling/clingy. I think that the latter is unattractive, for sure. I've been with those types of guys before my husband, and while it feels flattering in the early stages of dating, it's really just a sign of bad things to come in the near future. I also look at clingy people in general, as being that way with everyone. They usually don't feel secure in themselves, and just need someone...anyone...to be in their life. That's been my past experiences from dating clingy guys.

 

I come with needs, wants and desires. If you can't handle that, you need find another home girl to bounce to.

 

Same here as the post above. I too, have needs, wants and desires.

I don't cater to a woman 24/7, I love her. Might even spoil you a bit if you make me feel like it!
You will have your space, and I will have mine. And then we'll meet in the middle. I'm not a demanding person, actually quite independent.
Don't keep troublemakers for friends. That's a dealbreaker. Treat my kid well, she will do the same, if she connects with you. If not, just be nice to her. She's seen a lot in life.
Keep in mind, that I do have needs though, just like anyone else. A good Cheeseburger or Pizza, a joint and some good romance. I like Romance. Sometimes a few goodie pills would be nice too.
If you're cold in the intimacy department, find the door. And just leave...there's 7 Billion people in the world, it won't come crashing down tomorrow if you leave.
I like to work on my cars sometimes. Let me.

 

Everything with 'too' in front of it can be an attraction killer. Depends on the individual that has to put up with it and the gradation of (in this case) neediness if its THE ultimate issue.
I mean is being prone to cheating less of an attraction killer? What about incontinence Well, if the other is needy as fuck maybe.. So as usual it depends on the details of the exact situation. It can obviously be a serious drag though

 

I agree with Asmodean.
Attentiveness is nice, neediness is something else.
I like feeling needed, as does my wife. I like to know that she depends on me. However, I also like that when she works on a Saturday once a month (Bank) that she chooses to take the half day in the morning rather than the afternoon when I am here. It is good for people to have alone time.

 

Neediness in a relationship can turn a needy person into becoming a psychic vampire just sucking what ever life is left in a relationship.
You feel so drained after being with this person for any period of time as you have given up so many attention units to this person that you need to get away to recharge your batteries.
It' becomes all about me, me,me , and eventually there is no we and you feel like you need to escape the psychic cage that has been constructed around your soul.
It's usually the narcissistic psychopath that possesses these traits and ties your soul into so many knots that you can't see where the exit sign is so hopefully you never have to deal with individuals like this and if you do, run don't walk to get away because there's no helping these people as they will use you until there's nothing left to use.
Now this is an extreme example granted but I'm sure that everyone here has had an encounter with a personality like this.

 

It can be really exhausting knowing another person depends on you for their happiness. I much prefer someone who will be fine if I wanna disappear into my own thing for a few days

 

I'm pretty awful at relationships and haven't been in one in some thirteen years or something. I don't miss it. But I was just thinking about this girl I used to know who was sort of like that. She seemed really desperate when I hung out with her. Like she needed to hook up in order to feel okay or something. I purposely didn't do anything with her for that reason. Not that I was very discriminating at that time. I was 16 and 17 before she finally had a child with someone and was officially off the market. These days I realize more and more though.. you've gotta take what you can get sometimes!

 

I don't like needy people. I find it to be very unattractive. We all have needs, and that's fine. But when someone needs another person to complete who they are as a person? Ugh...

I find things like independence and confidence--even cockiness--to be incredibly sexy. Neediness is the anthesis of that.

 

We are a long time married couple and a bit old school. That said, we are independent of each other and allow each their on space. We also do a lot together. We live in a very remote location. We are a monogamous couple,so when it comes to sex,we even give each other space to masturbate alone as well. We have plenty of sex together because there is not much else to do where we live. We have no sexual secrets and stay nude for days. I will say as far as neediness, sex is at the top of our list. We both crave it. We will both stop what we are doing to satisfy the other sex appetite.

 

Exactly. I like this reply. I was just having a discussion the other day about this with someone ...Some people make you feel tired and want to go to sleep and not do anything.....they are sucking the life right out of you and everything....Yes, psychic vampires....Other people make you feel happy to be alive. Those are the ones to be around.

 

nobody tells the truth about what they are or are not attracted to. i don't know if it's because they want to give the "right" answer rather than the true answer, or if they're really just not self aware enough to see the truth.

i know the cliche answer for women is "i'm most attracted to a sense of humor." ok, then why are no stand up comedians married?

i struggle with women because i'm too sexy.

 

I'm too sexy for my car

 

Same. Should be like, a thick country girl getting outta my truck.

 

This is so true. I think a lot of it is self unawaredness.

I think this is where my problem was in the last relationship I had. My neediness and clingyness was out of selfishness. Gotta be a bit more altruistic.

 

It’s a fine balance! Always give space, and always show a little love. Make the other person want you by not always being there.

 

Have you ever met a stand up comedian? They're usually pretty sad people. Being able to write a joke and stand on stage and deliver it isnt the same as being funny and affable on a personal level

Look at Louis CK for example, what a sad sack. His stand up can make me laugh but I bet he's as dull as old dishwater on a date.

 

I'm a narcissistic cycle path.

 

While I agree that no girl wants a guy who is just fitting her into his calendar of other girls, a guy with no other interests, hobbies of a job can soon become a millstone and a bore.