need your opinion!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by lylelovette, Sep 4, 2013.

  1. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    this guy i have been dating for about 2 months has a big framed picture collage of him and his ex gf (i'm guessing) in his room. it kind of threw me off because this individual and i get along very well, we've had our deep talks about what we want, from the vibes i get and thinking back on our talks and recent experiences, i see this relationship progressing day by day.
    but that picture just made me stop and take a few steps back.

    we're not official, so i dont see any reason to bring this up but is it just me that finds this weird or is it just weird in general? I'm not too sure how to go about this.:ack2:

    WOLF ANGEL Senior Member - A Fool on the Hill HipForums Supporter

    Honesty - Ask and you will get an enlightening response (even if it may not be the one you want)
  3. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    thanks, thought of this too. communication is key. :D
    Good day to you.
  4. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Yeah, I agree. Talk to him about it. You two aren't officially in a relationship which means he's perfectly free to have in his room any picture featuring his ex-girlfriend at this stage. Things between you two might be headed into a romantic direction, but that doesn't mean he's ready to completely let go of his ex... Just curious, when did they break up?
  5. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    You are guessing that its his ex-girlfriend.

    Perhaps if you found out more about this guy, like if he has a sister, it would be easier to figure out where things are going.
  6. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    The only reason i made anything of this was that he got bothered that i didnt want to hold his hand while we were out. My reason for not holding his hand was because him and i arent official and we were in an area where some of my family members friends work at and in my mind i dont want anyone to open their mouth to my family about seeing me holding someones hand (they all think i'm still with my ex). i wouldnt want to have to tell them about this person i'm currently dating that he's not my boyfriend. my family is very old fashion so if i'm not assured anything in this relationship then i wouldnt want to put myself in that type of situation. i would gladly introduce him to my family but when the time was right and i knew that we'd actually be looking into a relationship. All he said to me was "i dont know how you see yourself with me when you dont even want to be seen with me that way." Which in all honesty, is not true cause i really do like the guy but after seeing the frame multiple times and after having him tell me that i'm just thinking to myself, What if this guy isnt over his ex? i really REALLY dont want to put myself in that type of situation. I've already experienced that once before and its not a fun ride.
    and i'm not quite sure when they broke up, but if i have to guess i'd say more than 6 months ago.
  7. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    i've gotten to know him very well and know that he doesnt have a sister. i'm certain its his ex gf because its a full collage of different pictures, some which they're kissing, etc.
  8. Any tongue?
  9. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    i'm not quite sure. i wasnt really focusing on studying the full collage of him and his ex gf.
  10. *MAMA*

    *MAMA* Perfectly Imperfect

    Take the collage down from the wall and beat him with it.

    I'm kidding. On a serious note, why not just casually ask him about it? You don't have to be awkward about it, just ask.
  11. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    sadly i think there would be women out there in the world who would've done that. :rofl:
    I am pretty open with him, so it would be easier for me to just ask.
    I just wasnt sure if it was just me that found this strange.
    and i havent asked mainly because i might be scared of what his answer might be..
  12. *MAMA*

    *MAMA* Perfectly Imperfect

    I personally would find it a tad strange. Everyone has a past though, and maybe he's reluctant to let go of his. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have room for you in his life.
  13. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    I understand. Might be cause i see and go about things differently though.
    i've had him over my house before and i made sure that i had everything that was ever given to me by my ex or pictures of us, were taken down.
    In my mind i wouldnt want to lead someone on and then bring them over to my house with a collage of my ex AND its next to my bed.
    If he was just my friend and it was nothing more than that i would not care about what i have in my room.
    i'm aware that females read too much in between the lines and over think things but i'm sure it would bother him too if he saw that.
  14. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

    Its a little weird but it might not mean anything. I dated a guy once who still had a couple of pictures up of his ex girlfriend and I knew for a fact he was over her because we were friends for a long time before we dated. When I brought it up he didn't seem to realize he still had the pictures up. He laughed about it and took them down immediately.

    so its possible he just hasn't gotten around to taking it down yet. I would definitely just casually ask about them.
  15. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Just talk to him about it. If he's over her, then he's over her. If he isn't, then he isn't. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It only means he's just not ready to let go of that aspect of his past just yet. And if you two are still not official, then the bottom-line is that you really can't do much about it if he's still not over it all. I don't know about him, but if it was me and IF I was in a long-term relationship until, say, six months prior, then those six months alone wouldn't heal me enough to let go quite yet. But that's just me, though. I've been known to drag it on for years myself, but he isn't me. He might have a completely different reason.

    As for things that my ex gave me... I still keep them. I no longer have the pictures on display but I still wear the ring she bought me, and I still have the teddy bear she gave me. I love the ring, it's a piece of jewelry, I think I have every right to keep it and wear it 'cause it's a fashion statement more than anything else now. And the poor teddy is INNOCENT. He's cute, and he is NOT my ex. He's a teddy bear and he's handsome, I have every right to show him off NOT because he was given to me by my ex but because he's a cute teddy bear.

    Lastly, I think it's a bit unfair that you'd make an issue of this collage thing but you wouldn't allow him to hold your hand in public? Sure, I understand what you're saying. It's always difficult when you're from an old-fashioned family and you don't want them to find out stuff. But if you're reasonably serious about this relationship, then you "stick it to the man" and be proud of who you're dating. If you can't do that, then don't make an issue of his still having his ex's pictures around his room.

    Sorry if I come across as being too harsh. I'm drunk and I'm just letting out my thoughts without putting them through too many filters at the moment. I DO wish you and this guy the very best. Talk to him. Tell him what's up. See what he has to say. Peace.
  16. lylelovette

    lylelovette Guest

    no worries :) i'm open to any opinions on this topic.
    i comprehend what you're saying, i think we've all had something given to us from someone that meant something at one point. they're just objects that are not doing harm.
    I'm not really making an issue, i had seen this collage several times before and it didnt come to mind up until the incident with me holding his hand.

    HONESTLY, i enjoy this guys company very much and i didnt question that at all, until he got me thinking and i realized he was right. I shouldnt really care who sees me holding his hand, etc. if i really want him.
  17. His Eden

    His Eden Queen of Mean

    Why not just ask him about it? If he had a painting or picture on his wall that you found interesting, would you be wondering about it, or asking him who the artist was, or other questions? Maybe he made it, and keeps it because to him it is art, not because it is pictures of him and his ex. Perhaps a friend made it for him and that is why he has it. Ask....

    My husband has pictures of his ex, and I don't really care. I have an entire wedding album full of pictures of my ex, and my husband doesn't care. He has a past, so do I. We are both secure enough in our relationship with each other not to worry about pictures. They are memories, many of which helped shape us into who we are. Perhaps it is just us, but we would worry more about pictures that were hidden than those that aren't.

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