I am having memories of some shit that happened during the 1980's. I was about 6 or 7, as is my best guess. It was summer swim season and early in my youthful career of swimming. I remember being in the locker room as a kid during summer swim season. It must of been one of our first summers in swim team. We had a couch and as it turns out he was openly gay. Not saying all gay guys are child molesters (spoiler alert), but this one turned out to be. This couch wasn't much older than 18. 4 of us were in the locker and we always took our sweet time getting out of showers and getting into the parents cars (usually vans). One of our buddies left and 3 of us were left. The gay coach came in and said something. I don't recall a great deal, but it was something assertive. The 3rd boy left sorta shocked and us other 2 remained, also shocked. I remember very little but shit went pretty bad. I remember the coach asking me why my dick wasn't getting hard. I also remember saying I had to go to the bathroom. I remember hiding in the bathroom then hiding in the shower. The other boy came into the shower and he had jizz on his hands from his ass. I remember the coach yelling at me to get out of the bathroom. The other boy said it hurt, I knew what he was talking about. Later, the most fucked up thing, he said I should try it. Years later the other boy tried to have sex with me. We were too young to have sex. There is no way young kids are going to understand that sort of thing or be able to do that. My mom knew about the boy playing games with me. From my memory my Dad knew about what happened with the coach. Dad's brother, my Uncle was second in command at the City Police. I remember talking to my Uncle at the Police Station about what happened. I think I was too young to transfer the details I now know means rape. I remember my Uncle saying that the other boy said nothing happened. It's the most fucked up thing to remember shit from the past. Nobody can do anything about this because somehow City employees and everyone has statue of limitation protections. I don't know why the other boy didn't say what happened. He tried to do it to me and I now worry he will do it to other kids. I haven't been friends with him since he wanted to play little faggot. Sorry for those that are gay but I am not! I have pride in being smart enough that when I was young and stupid I didn't get a dick in my ass. I think more went on then I can remember, I suspect some but I know I didn't get a cream pie in my ass. It's just so fucked up to think about. We were very young!
Repressive memories can be a bitch, can they? Anyho, so you won't be alone on with this story I'll share my experience. I'll keep it short becuase I suck at telling stories. Between the ages of 7 - 13 I was sexually assulted by a family member, who would live with us on and off due to his own hardships. I had no recollection of the events transpired until I was 13 and once again he came to live with us. As soon as he moved in I started acting out at school and at home. I became irritable and depressed. And I kept having these sexual dreams and daydreams. It wasn't until he told me to sit on his lap, so we can play our game that it all hit me. Other stuff happened, but it's not really here or there. And that is my story. I would hate for you to have taken all this time and effort writing this story to us, and no one replies. So, this is my reply to you.
I was drunk and had to tell someone. The other boy never walked right again, even through high school. Other guys on the swim team thought he was gay in high school. I'm afraid the other boy thinks he is gay or bi-sexual. I remember being yelled at when the thing happened. The coach's father was also a coach, in fact he ran the summer program. I remember threatening that my Uncle was a cop. Seems my Uncle couldn't do anything. I don't think back then I knew to talk about the details I observed. What's a 6 or 7 year old to know about jizz? Obviously nothing at all. This might of been when my behavior issues started. When I no longer trusted authority figures. I don't know why the other boy didn't want to talk about what happened. I guess that's for him to figure out. I gotta admit I woke up a bit paranoid about this. I've tried to tell my mom when I was remembering things. Seems Dad didn't want her to know, I don't know why. So my mom has always been a little naive. But she's the one that brought up about the other boy and his games years later with me. I do recall Dad talking to me about those games. He said to stay away from that boy. I don't think Dad or I pieced together that it was the same boy I'm certain was raped. All and all fucked up shit, been through to much fucked up shit. Good thing I know a bit about psychology and I think I can help myself. I'm tired of getting into trouble. Been off probation for almost 4 years. That's the longest I've kept my nose clean since I first landed in hot water. It's the repressed things that make life hard. Not sure what else I don't remember, hopefully it's the good times!
Everyone has different coping mechanisms. The other boy that played those games with you was repeating the cycle of abuse he got by the swim coach. I'm not making excuses for him, but I'm just guessing. I'm sorry this happened to the both of you. And I hope now that you remember what happened you can get the proper help to get over it. Same goes for the other boy.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. The other little boy was probably just too terrified to speak up, which is so unfortunate. I wish I had more to say, but I'm hear to listen if you need that.
I've heard of catcher and the rye. No I don't know how to type very well. Writing isn't something I went very far educationally with. Never finished a semester at any form of college.
Bud D and aoabai, I'm so sorry to hear that these things happened to you. Doing some kind of therapy or a survivor's group might help with this. A therapist might have some more information on where you could report child sex abuse. It may be hard to get a conviction, but you might still find it worthwhile to report it, if only for your own peace of mind. Bud D, do you think telling your mother about what happened might make you feel better? Aoabai, do you think telling any family members would help? The system could be a lot better about screening out people like this from having access to children, and I wish it was.
I mentioned Caufield, becuase you instantly reminded of him, Salingers writing style, in that first post. Slight of build, smaller in stature than other guys, the tough guy routine, especially at 17, smoking the cigarette between thumb and index finger cos it looks cooler. Always over compensating for being smaller than most guys. Imagine the incident you mentioned had never happened. But your general attitude to assigning certain characteristics to guys as not masculine even effeminate or gay, or even the need to rebel against authority figures so you feel, appear more masculine....What if all that still happens. If the incident had never occured, but you still ended up talking and acting like that. What does that mean? The incident happened, so its easy to put focus on, lay blame. But what if, especially the resisting authority figures part has nothing to do with that, and you were always going to end up rebellious regardless of whether or not the incident happened. First post is a bit over the top, you said ass and dick a few many times. I know its a lot more about that Holden Caufield thing. Tell people the story, and you have to go along with what they say, theyllnfocus on the sex crime. But what if, since you werent actually the victim, what if, what really pissed you off the most, is the Uncle not doing anything becuase at the time you were small of build, slight of stature for your age....uncle didnt do anything becuase there was a reasonable chance you yourself were going to end up queer anyway. I dont say that to intentionally piss you off, although I know it probably will....but then if it does, then I know it is more about a life time of being littler than most guys...far less to do with your pedo coach
I know I'm not gay. The coach tried shit with me and I can't recall exactly if he did touch me. I just out smarted him and the other kid really got a raw deal. I think I am still pissed that my Uncle didn't do much. I don't know if he made a report or not. I wonder today if the police didn't do much because it was a city employee on city grounds. That's a huge lawsuit waiting to happen. Unfortunately statue of limitations has expired. They do that because peoples memories fade. I really don't want to worry about it anymore. I also think it was bullshit that I had to be the one to speak up and the only one to do so. If memory serves me correct, I was basically told to forget about it.
I have stuff to get off my chest too. I hate my parents. They're lazy and unattached. My childhood wasn't too bad...I was beat some and sexually abused by my dad and brother. My dad still tries to fondle me sometimes, even though I'm 40. I'm expected to take over his business (which I hate). I don't like this job, but it's the best thing for my family. I've never told anyone any of this. My parents were always so disconnected and self absorbed. They still are. My mom is so medicated and stoned, she can't even drive any more. I can't wait till they're both gone. I love my wife and kids, and I treat them the best I can. They are so dear to me. I feel bad for hating my parents. Some people have had worse parents, I know. But I can't stand them. They've always been full of shit.
