i met a guy recently. hes nice, and im very attracted to him. We hung out a few times (nothing physical ever happened), and then he asked me what i wanted out of “this”. I said i wanted to get to know him and he said he cant do anything serious cuz thats not what he wants. And i respect that. So now is where i run into my dilemma. He said we can keep things casual, which i never asked exactly what that means. so.. do i go for it? This casual setting? I dont have much hope of getting married etc, so my reasoning is, so what if i do this? I’ll only be this young once, so why not enjoy myself while i can? I feel like i will miss out if i dont and may regret it later. Because if anything, i can enjoy his company while its there. It could end at any time. the reason i mentioned marriage is because i know that after a certain point, even these scenarios/propositions wont come along again i have been in a similar situation in the past, and although i hesitated at first, i eventually gave in and it worked out. I dont know why im even more hesitant now. But he does make me feel super giddy and i do like that feeling what do you think?
Hi. I would say, if you like him and he likes you, and it's what you both want, then go for it. I would say also, remember this isn't going to be a formal relationship by the sounds of things, but with that in mind. Go have fun enjoy yourself and him. Have a great day.
I think you need to find out for definite if he is single . Going off what you posted and I have read it twice and I cant help thinking he could be hiding something . So my advice would be tread carefully until you can ascertain his status for certain . Staying as friends is cool by the way even if he is in an existing relationship . But you need to know where you stand .
he is single for sure. I first offered friendship when he asked what i wanted but he didnt confirm that. Instead, he said we can keep it casual. That is where i would stand. But i didnt delve i to what exactly that means. Does this at least mean he is (sort of) interested? He wouldnt have kissed me if he didnt right?
It depends what type of kiss of course . I greet most ladies with a kiss usually on the cheek . A few I know really well it can be a hug and on the odd occasion a kiss on the lips but not a snog i hasten to add .But I am perhaps an old fashioned romantic . From what you say he is interested in you but wants your firmly in the friendzone and not a relationship so far . That may change of course as things develop . So for now go along with the friendship side of things and see how things develop. But dont start developing feelings until he loosens his stance otherwise you could get yourself hurt further down the line . Develop the friendship and see how things go .
The kiss was a real kiss, you know, on the lips, and plenty of it i think you’re right.. just go with the flow and see what happens. But i have to be careful with my feelings because if they develop stronger then im stuck. but the reason i mentioned the interested part was because even if we are just friends now, i dont want to end up as just a f*ck buddy either or him thinking im loose or whatever. Although i know he wants to go further
Yes your doing right You hold the cards at end of the day. You have what he wants ,so make sure you play your cards correctly and keep everything on your terms . Now see how things develop and be patient . Some of the strongest relationships are slow burners at the beginning and not all are whirlwind romances that you read about in books. Good luck darling .
He’s the one holding the cards. He knows im interested in him cuz i told him. And he only wants “casual”. So unless he miraculously changes his mind, i wont get anywhere but i am trying to be positive and enjoy him whenever he is around, which isnt that much anyway .. sigh
This guy is scared of commitment. Marriage frightens him to the point he isn't going to take the plunge allowing him a way out if he finds the relationship even hints at turning sour. If only for a brief moment that there is trouble he might bail. Yet he knows a good thing when he sees it. Heavy petting and kissing is long term foreplay and eventually he will be having sex with you. I submit he hasn't as high a libido as most of the posters on this forum so he doesn't need to have sex as much but it is there. Casual means let's keep our distance, have some fun, and remain that way with less responsibility towards each other. It's easy for him as he can use you as an occasional partner for companionship but not become tied to the relationship. Unless he gives in and decides he can handle commitment he isn't going to allow you deep into his inner space. Yes, he wants you as a fuck buddy and date for those times when a female companion is convenient. Otherwise he intends to not be attached to a relationship. That way he doesn't ever get hurt emotionally. But what he doesn't realize is eventually you will tire of being his casual friend and break off the relationship and that will hurt him emotionally as well. Maybe not as bad as getting out of a marriage but hurt none the less.
If you are really unhappy with the arrangement then perhaps it may be better for you to move on and find your prince elsewhere . Otherwise you could be wasting your time with someone like Barry said who doesnt want commitment
but thats my stance, that since this may be the only thing i can get, might as well take it because if i dont, that will make me possibly even more unhappy. i am at a n age, where my youth is running out, and options are running out at an even faster pace.
i think you hit the nail on the head. The way you explained it, makes sense, so thank you for that. It just saddens me that i cant be anything more. Not just with him, but other men as well. It just doesnt work out for me, ever. He doesnt even want to be friends. And not everything needs labels, i understand that. But i feel so empty inside. Ive been meaning to make another post about that issue as well. I dont know what to do with myself.
i meant stuck as in, if i develop more feelings, then im stuck with those feelings and nowhere to let them out cuz he doesnt want a relationship with me
Be patient and continue to socialize with other men. There is one out there that fits with you. I have a dear friend who lost her husband over ten years ago. She became very lonely and in her mid sixties. She kept her social life going though. Now, she has a beau who is a great match for her. It took more than 5 years after she returned to her social life but has found companionship. Patience and perseverance is all it takes. Time as well so don't give up. Change your mindset and look forward to exploring the different personalities other men have to offer. Someday the right personality will pop up and you will connect with him.
Exact situation here. I knew a girl from work just very casually. We were at an active bar where many friends met nightly. She slid into my booth and said, "lets go to your place." I was a bit shocked. I said one more beer and lets talk a bit. I said quote, "I will never marry you nor have kids with you but I think we can have a real good time together. We will probably devower each other's crotches and sleep very well but in the morning there will be no attachment or ownership. We will still be separate and free." She gave it some thought and said OK. By the time I got out of the parking lot my dick was in her throat. I had to pull over and finish. That was the first. Then we got to my place and had sex all night. After that we went back packing, camping, fishing, hiking, running, traveling, long vacations, played out some of our sexual fantasies. The great thing is she loved watching porn. We kept separate homes but I gave her my key. I'd come home from work and she'd be naked on the couch watching porn on the TV. She'd say go take a shower and get over her I've been waiting. Sex crazy but not a nympho thank god. In short we had the best time of our lives. Then 2 years later she said she wanted to marry and have kids. I said I will help you find a guy. No tears at all. Then she walked out and I never saw her again. My opinion go for it it is worth it. No strings brings the best out of people. I peeked at her occasionally on FB. She got married had 2 kids and now divorced.
@just for fun… why didnt you advance anything with her relationship wise? You just didnt like her like that? Only wanted the sexual fun, occasional meeting etc? Or was it something else?
