I have no gf anymore Our sex was a mess and stressful Performance anxiety had me and really mentally fucked me up to the point i began to avoid sex and felt anxious and unconfident and gave me intimacy issues. It really got me bad and i felt discouraged to have sex . She felt discouraged and unattractive. I didnt know how to cope with the problem or find help or something to improve the situation. I felt stuck and unhopeful. A really bad way to feel like this because it leads to no solution. I know what should have done. We had few times to have privacy to have sex. I live at home and share a room with my sibling. She had her own ways why we didnt went to hers. I watched porn and masturbated instead of trying to find ways to improve or atleast enjoy it. Just to get off. Now i feel lonely yet i have changed my attitude and behavior towards the anxiety and the erection issues and not making a big deal out of it or acting avoidant or unconfident. I know i could improve and i definetly would but i have nobody with who i could have regular sex. Just hookups Porn and masturbation morally looks wrong for me because of that but i know i a need a release( not with porn, that is pdf for me, because of other things). Porn is no go anymore. I dont know what is right and what is wrong and i just feel stuck on masturbation and sex. I want to get rid of performance anxiety for good. What to do? Can quitting porn might help?
Watching porn and masturbating is not bad. Of course, if you are not overdosing with it. In my opinion more damaging to your libido is forcefully trying to sexually desire only one girl and not looking to other girls……and besides, forceful abandonment of masturbation will also decrease you sexual performance abilities…. You can watch porn and masturbate, but try to do it so that each masturbation session is not longer than 30-60 minutes. And to check, if you are not overdosing with porn, time after time (2-3 times a week) try to masturbate without looking in computer screen. Use only your imagination and your hand and see if you can get erection through this kind of masturbation. If yes, then you can watch porn and it won’t damage your real sexual life. But, if there is a problem to get erection while masturbating using only your imagination, then you have to completely quit looking at porn at least for 1-2 weeks. Regarding to performance anxiety - please, read my comment under this post - https://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/480170-what-causes-men-to-not-be-able-to-perform/
The OP hasn't been here for almost 3 weeks, but in case you come back and look at your thread.... Performance anxiety is more common than people think. Trying to figure out why it is happening is not always useful, and more cases than not - it is simply a mental block that is self caused. In other words, the cause IS just that...performance anxiety and nothing else. And what works better than anything else no matter what anyone tells you - is communication. Telling your partner right up front is a HUGE stress relief. And in some cases that alone ends the cycle. To boot, many gals appreciate the honesty and naturally are attracted to the willingness to make yourself vulnerable. If not, then she wasn't worth it anyway. One night stands is probably not in the cards for you. Men who have PA generally have issues their entire lives with any new partner. I am one of them. I have been living with the same woman for 8 months now, our sex life is awesome. We have sex 4-5 times a week, I have an "issue" maybe once or twice a month. Other than that...we are great. You can get past this. Now...masturbating. Masturbating can exacerbate the problem. Particularly if someone prefers it over sex. I highly-highly recommend stopping completely until your problem improves. (Once you meet someone new...your alone now...so have at it)
For the most, I am with the last two comments as far as watching porn is good, but contrast to it being good, it can also be bad leaning more to dependency of only getting an erection to masturbate. I have been in this situation as well. Not for that long, but I have come to find out that fore play helped me out so much. What I mean is it started from the time we woke up till we both arrived home from work. We would both get undressed and just explore each others bodies from 30-45 minutes. Running our fingers over our bodies while doing gentle massages. while doing this, I would fantasize making love to her, while we both explored our bodies. When it came to massages, I believe this was very erotic for the both of us. When it came to massaging our genitals or breast, it was a very hot and erotic feeling. Even if no intercourse proceeded this, in which some cases it did, it assured me of getting an erection. This went on for a few days and after that, all was good. But I do believe having that confidence is the key. I had a real self esteem issue as well because I felt that I couldn't please my woman. It also helps if she is supportive of your situation when going through this. iamjust me, I totally agree with you about your statement of having a new partner, especially with one night stands can be hard when getting an erection or pleasing the woman. With one night stands, at least with me, sometimes my mind wonders about her last partners and if I am good enough to be close to what she had or even better. But this is where confidence comes into play.
