Need Advice- Big Life Problem!!!

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by vivid, Jun 29, 2006.

  1. vivid

    vivid Member

    :& Wow, I got myself into a really bad situation and need some advice... I am legally married to a man who's been overseas for the past year, nearly, and we've done nothing but fight the whole time we've been married. We got married June 27, 2005, and he left the states the beginning of September. We decided on a divorce many months ago, and I got on with my life, ended up moving in with my high school sweetheart, who I've been good friends with, first as merely friends, but then it developed into something more... Now husband is returning to the states in early September, and wants his wife back, is willing to do what it takes, though he's not pleased with my choice to get into a relationship before divorce papers were signed. (Divorce papers were not signed b/c he was out of the country.) I feel I did the best I could, and made all the choices I could the best I could with the knowledge I had. Husband has said some awful, nasty things out of anger since the divorce was settled upon. HS Sweetheart has been nothing but good to me through all of this, even supported me temporarily when I lost my job. I still have love in my heart for husband, and feel I owe it to him & myself to give it one last try, but fear breaking my sweetheart's heart, and fear making the wrong decision between the two... Returning to husband also means moving to Tennesee, then, in a couple years, to the west coast, though I live in New England now. Any advice? Please remember, I already am quite aware I brought this on myself, and this choice is my punishment, please no scolding!
  2. i think that you should stay with your hs sweetheart! he helped you when you needed it most and your husband was a jerk. i think you owe it to you hs sweetheart to stay with him after all the support he has given you.
    and id like to say it is DEFINITLY not you fault in any way. you husband was the one being an ass. and yall were going to get a divorce. its natural to move on! there is no punishment for you here. the punishment should be for your husband. its not your fault for what he did/does now.
    i think you should move on and go with the person who ovousally makes you happy!
  3. MollyBloom

    MollyBloom Member

    I agree with Corinne. Life is not like a movie always, where in the end, all of the loose ends come together in a perfect knot.

    Obviously you will always love your ex husband, and you care about what happens to him. But that doesn't mean that you actually get along with him on a day to day basis. I think that attempting to restore this relationship with your husband, which has obviously never worked, is a very bad idea.
  4. superfly

    superfly Member

    dnt fear any scoldings, no one will! you are just confused and need to think on your own. get away from this routine life, somewhere quiet and analyse the whole situation and you will be able to get a better picture and and clearer head to take a decision
  5. Wasteland

    Wasteland Member

    You don't owe anything to your ex. As you said, you tried to work it out, and it didn't work. Stay with your current flame. Going back will only create more trouble for both you and him.
  6. Grim

    Grim Wandering Wonderer

    I thought about a long, well-thought-out post in reply to your moral dilemna here.
    But I think I'll settle for this:
    Your ex sounds like a douchebag, tell him to die in a fire and move on with your life and your apparent true love.

    Or, con them both out of a lot of money, dump them both and the whole situation, buy a used VW bus, and start life anew on a mystical voyage across the land!
  7. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    same thing happened to me, I had a big response prepared, but decided to go with simplicity

    what he said :D
  8. vivid

    vivid Member

    Hahaha... wow, you guys rock. Love the fire idea at the moment... ;) I've been definetly leaning that direction, so I think it's a hands-down thing at this point. Now, it's just a matter of paperwork!!!
  9. definately stay with the HSSH, your husbands been a jerk to you so he doesnt deserve you back and your HSSH has been loving to you .. let us know how it all turns out
  10. leaf

    leaf Member

    only you know who you love and that should be your choice
  11. gottssunfire

    gottssunfire Member

    just curious... why do you feel like you owe it to your husband to give him another chance? I don't mean that as an indictment against giving him another chance either. If it's something that you feel is important then it actually is. You obviously loved the guy a great deal to marry him, but you guys probably weren't mature enough to handle a year of seperation right out of the gate.

    So you need to figure out if this desire to give the guy one last chance is just out of the respect for his feelings i'm sure you had to have to marry him initially, or if you want to find out if your marriage can recover from a premature transplant of one of the members. If it's only the first one then you would be doing it simply out of pity which will end up making nobody happy. Either way, think long and hard on this... because most people will agree that one divorce in a lifetime isn't that big a deal, but making a habit of them isn't exactly a good thing.
  12. vivid

    vivid Member

    :) Well, I'm waiting on divorce papers. I definetly made my decision on this one, and I'm very happy to have done so. I'm getting on with my life and it's going great. Thank you all soooooo much for your help!!! It was encouraging to have so much support through this.
  13. cheese-wiz

    cheese-wiz Banned

    so your husband wanted your cheating ass back after all that he must be a retard.....

    well at least he is better off without you......
  14. Always listen to your heart darling,

    It will tell you what to do :)
  15. guy

    guy Senior Member

    i take it this person has been fighting the iraqis
  16. louisew

    louisew Member

    Hey there. you poor thing. Let me tell you my story. I was with my x for 4 years, we have a daughter, who is now 4. WE split up two years ago and for the first 16 months i was running back to him (sometimes only in my mind) and we physically tried two or three times. In between these times i was seeing someone else reasonably steady. Finally after two years of being apart i have finally moved forward in a relationship with my new man (the one who i have been seeing for the last year on and off). The decision you make cannot be about the people it has to be about you. If this relationship fell apart with your new man would you wish you chose your husband or would you be happy you left him? I have been holding on so much to my x that my heart wasn't open to new things. I dont think i'll ever stop loving my x but i can finally say that i wouldn't take him back. The decision needs to be about what makes you happy not who makes you happy. The new man has the potential to end up just the same as your husband's relationship with you did so remember that. If you can still talk and laugh with your husband, make love, laugh, cry and respect each other go back. That doesn't come along every day. Good luck. Lou.

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