need advice about curiousity

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by kidswillbeskeletons, May 12, 2004.

  1. i currently have a boyfriend, and have been with him for about 2 years and I initially adored him, every last detail about him was perfect, but then recently, he's been really turning me off. he doesn't do anything for me. since I dont enjoy our sex together, he has decided that he doesn't have to touch me or kiss me in the those places he once did, becasue he thinks sex is the only way to give eachother pleasure, that is the only way meant for a man and woman, so he thinks. so, as you can all see i am very frustrated with the situation. and lately have been having curiousity about the same sex, femminine girls that are attractive have always been alurring to me. i am very femminine myself, and am attractive. i do not have any masculine tendencies, although i can sometimes be bitchy. does anybody have any advice on this subject, does anybody have/had a boyfriend that you and him had this problem? what does one suggest i do, take my female curiosity a step further? break up with my boyfriend and try another man? I'm really frustrated and also scared to loose my boyfriend becasue he's a wonderful person but just bad in bed.
     
  2. jungee

    jungee Member

    Hi and welcome :) you seem to have a couple of problems. a desire to explore a female to female relationship, and a current relationship which is unsatisfying...they're separate issues, because its possible to be perfectly happy with a man, and still have those feelings for the same sex.

    so my suggestion is being honest with yourself about those feelings; and also then be honest with your boyfriend about it when you're ready. maybe the reason why he's withelding certain pleasures to you is because he doesn't understand you or know what you're going through? it's still wrong for him to willingly do this, but sometimes people can act like that out of frustration. so just see if he can be on your team in your questioning and support you in your desire to explore same sex. if your relationship doesn't improve then consider a time out from each other to each live whatever you want at the moment.
     
  3. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    i think earlier in you relationship, his cuddlin and kissin was a way to convince you to have sex, now that your comfortable with eachother and he knows you wont turn him down, he dosent see the need for it anymore. some people are into foreplay and romance, and enjoy the closeness of contact, somepeople aren't. you really cant make someone be something they're not though, but you can bring it to his attention. also, form my male mind at least, guys dont mind when you experiment with other women, but they do when you try other men.
     
  4. neckienoo

    neckienoo Member

    You should try talking to your boyfriend about ways the two of you can better you sex life. If he's an awesome person, don't just do away with him! As far as your curiousity explore it. . Anyway, I wish you the best.
     
  5. Cryptoman

    Cryptoman Member

    Are the two of you monogamous? Would he object to you experiencing something outside of this relationship with another woman? It could do wonders for you...you never know!
     
  6. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    Yeah, but it also has the potential to ruin any chance of healing the current relationship. He might get jealous or want to join in and she gets jealous, it can get tricky. Some people can do it, but it's not for everyone. Just consider the consequences before taking this leap.

    I think you should first focus on your current boyfriend. You're not happy with the way things are. If you want to try to work things through with him, then you might want to put the other issue on the backburner for right now. I'm not saying it's not an important issue. It is. But your boyfriend is going to be a factor in that anyway and you're already displeased with some aspects of the relationship. I'd be afraid you wouldn't truly give him a chance if you had the possibility of finding those intimate moments in another person's arms. Before exploring your sexuality with another partner, it might be wise to explore it with your present partner. That is if you want to try to save the relationship. If you're ready to move on, then that's cool too.

    If you want to try to work it out, this is just an idea of how to approach his sexual performance. Tell him what you liked about your lovemaking in the past. Focus on the things he doesn't do anymore. The intimacy. The closeness. Let him know you miss that. This way you're expressing your concerns and desires to him by telling him what you liked about him rather than what you disliked about him. Less chance of him getting too touchy or defensive. That and he might have that stuck in his head the next time you guys are getting friendly.;) I dunno. Just a thought.
     
  7. After thinking about what to do, I decided I would talk to him about this. So he and I have decided that I need to be alone to think about what I really want. I am alot younger than he is, which is one reason I am unsatisfied with this relationship as it is at present. I havne't had alot of opportunities to see how other people are because I am constantly with him. Which makes me angry towards him, and maybe is contributing to why our relationship is disintegrating. He knows this. And I am making effort to spend time with other people. Friends and going out to social gatherings. But yes, we are both monogmous and and I have never felt it in myself to be any other way. He and I discussed the possibility of me being bisexual, and he and i both agreed that would complicate the relationship much more and it would eventually end very badly. So, I am taking the advice and giving myself alone time, well away from him, to think about what I really want from a relationship. As I am still very young and naive.
     
  8. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    For being "young and naive", it seems like you've thought this through in a mature and wise manner. I wish you the best of luck in your personal explorations and discoveries. Take care.

    Mono
     
  9. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    aw man...you sound EXACTLY like me, dude.
    I recently ended a semi long (6 mos) relationship w/ a younger guy...he was 16...i thought i fell in love with him at first sight....maybe i did..i still dont know what love is...but he was a great person...like my best friend. but we only had sex three times...in six months...now i'm a very sexual person, and this bothered me. he wasn't very affectionate, or wild or passionate in bed. after he came, he'd immediately get dressed, smoke, and whine about his heart beating all fast....whatever...i think he was just inexperienced and nervous....
    your bf problems sound similar....he cant please you, so his ego is bruised and he's withdrawing from you. no rejection is better than any rejection...that's how my bf was. we fought so much about our sex life...mostly me bitching about why we didnt have one! after the fighting...we never had sex again...we drifted apart...broke up over the phone...and its awkward when we see eachother.
    my advice, talk to him openly about it. express your caring and concern about the issue. suggest some options, try different things in bed. if he truly has withdrawn from sex, or has changed...maybe there's something else going on...my boyfriend was hangin out w/ other chicks....
    Also, i consider myself bisexual. I had always been somewhat attracted to women...and during a semi-threesome, i hooked up with another girl...and it's fun. I let her know it was my first time w/ a girl, and she just took control, lol, showed me how it was done. I dont know how you should go about exploring your curiosity b/c i didnt have to go after mine very much...she just kinda came to me. Now at bars, im the one hitting on girls and grabbing their booties as they walk by, lol. i dont know what they think of that, lol, but i have fun. Um....i dont know...try flirting with a chick, just talk to her at first, then flirt if you like her. all girls like girls, they're too pretty to not! i'm sure you'll find your way....and with the bf....problems come and they pass....live and learn
    pm me again if you wanna talk further.
     
  10. butterfly

    butterfly Member

    Most men who are good in bed are the ones who've been taught.
     

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