need a womans advice

thanks to everyone who responded to this thread. its hard to talk about things like this with people in the real world face to face. I can tell it annoys them but I honestly can't help myself because I feel such grief and I just can't understand or accept what happened. i hate it when people cant stop talking about the person that broke there heart but here i am doing the exact same. so thanks for answering and helping me through this

 

You know if you're still hung up on her, you could always lead the single life (without sex) for a while until she gets back and then see if she wants to resume where you guys left off.

There's nothing wrong with that. But then again if her trip overseas is longer than 2-3 years, that is gonna be hard.

If I were you I'd kinda like focus on getting more hours at work and getting the education/career I always wanted. And in leisure I'd go chill with my bros and catch a movie once a week.

 

Mate, I think she came back a while ago?
Plus if you're 27 and she's 21... LOL your dick loves her. Go spend sometime with a female a few years older than you, let her teach you things in life.

 

^^^ I agree.

Jonboy, I'm no stranger when it comes to stressing over uncertainties myself because my last online ex-girlfriend(not the ex I mentioned in my previous reply) left me with a HUGE sense of uncertainty when she dumped me. It really is a long story but let's just say it took me a while to realize she and I would never get back together...perhaps about five months? So, what did I do during the period of time when I WAS still confused about the whole event? I distracted myself from it all.

She and I used to hang out on a particular website, but I stopped going there after she and I broke up. I overloaded my schedule with work, I worked out every evening, I watched movies every night until I fell asleep so I wouldn't have to think about her. And everyday, I'd go on facebook to announce to my friends that I was doing these things. I think the best thing that came out of this period was that I got in pretty good shape physically, lol. xD Eventually, I was able to talk to her normally again, and now we're back to being pretty good friends like we were before.

It's natural for you to be upset right now. It's only been a week or two since the breakup after all. In fact, "mourning periods" such as this are very important to us. We need this duration of time in order to move on. So, don't worry if you feel upset. It's natural. Just try to occupy yourself with different things and stay productive. And in this case, even if some of those things make you feel like you're being lazy(I mentioned watching movies in my own case), don't worry about it. It's perfectly fine to be lazy at night after a day of hard work.

Things will work out in one way or another, sooner or later. We just don't know in what way exactly, or when, until we actually reach that point where you feel sure about those things. In the meantime, all we can do is to better our (inner) selves. Be well.

 

The OP has stated in his initial post that she's scheduled to be back in three month.

Now, age is irrelevant here in my opinion. I don't know why you're even implying that his love for her is lust, and that their respective age has something to do with it. He has not in any way come across so far, in any of his posts regarding this matter, as if his attraction to the girl was purely sexual. On the contrary, they seemed to be in a very serious and loving relationship before. If anything, it was the girl's pussy that decided it now wanted other dicks.

OP should be with whoever he actually likes, and believes in. He should be with someone who he can click with. Not with someone of specific age groups just because they may be more experienced, or less, or whatever. I don't think one should be overly deliberate about age when it comes to finding one's romantic partner. For example, I didn't plan that my current SO be roughly half my age. It just happened that way naturally.

One learns about things in life by living life and interacting with various people from various backgrounds. One does not need to actually be dating an older woman in order to learn things from her. Conversely, one may also learn a great deal about life while in a relationship with a younger partner. It has less to do with age and more to do with personality/compatibility in my opinion.

 

thanks man you're right. I need to focus on myself. I spent so much time focusing on and pleasing her that I can now use that energy on improving my own life. I'm starting to see things for what they are now. she initiated contact with me yesterday and when I acted happy,friendly and supportive she got pretty upset. I think she doesn't want me to move on because I'm somewhat of an insurance policy to her right now. the conversation ended unpleasantly and as much as my heart still wants her I realize I'm too old to be playing games like that.

 

Hey, Im an old chook. My advice is to have a larger perspective.
Don't hassle her, give her space to enjoy her holiday without guilt or obligation.
Be lighthearted in your correspondence. Tell her you love her, look forward to seeing her when she returns, see how the relationship develops from there.
If you burn your bridges now, what hope do you have when she returns?
Have her best interest in focus, this will be very appealing.
All the best.

 

I take it back, don't have her best interest in focus, have your own.

 

She's so young. If I were in your situation, I'd tell her to feel free from any commitment and experience everything she'd feel like experiencing. And I'd do the same. Life is better lived without the burden of regrets. You don't want a partner beside you who'll be forever thinking "what if."

I'm married and I love my husband. That's the main reason I still think he should have the opportunity to experience and experiment. I'm not his owner and I have no inclination to be the jailer of the man I love.

That's just my opinion, of course, and no one has to agree with it.

We demand people to know exactly what they want and to never change. That's not natural. We evolve, we ask questions, we need to try things. Life is trial and error. Nature is trial and error. One day humans invented this possessive thing, but that's not the only way to live.

Perhaps you're thinking I wanna upset you. I really don't. I'm just trying to say it is perfectly natural for a young person to have doubts, to be curious. Even when we are older, we're still learning about ourselves and dealing with our choices.

I wish you luck in solving your problem.

 

I tried to be supportive with her. another poster mentioned that this relationship is toxic for both of us and they were right. i told her i needed time to cool off and didnt want to talk for a while, but she kept initiating contact and probing me with questions. when I answered kindly and mentioned I was going back to school she scolded me and said she was just looking for a simple answer and things got ugly from there. I accused her of not wanting me to move on and now we dont talk anymore which I think is better for the both of us. you're right though I need to stop being resentful. I just feel like she's not the same person. when she was here she would have never said these things. beforenshe left I told her in a nice way, she could be single for this trip if she wished. and she was very adamant about staying together. I'm just in shock and disbelief.

 

no I dont think you're trying to make me feel bad. this whole ordeal just crushed my soul. its just very confusing because she knew what she wanted three weeks before all this happened and communicated that to me of her own free will. I didn't have much time to prepare for this at all. we just had a really good connection and a strong bond. I know somethings missing from this puzzle and I know she'll never tell me. I'm just worried she's going to want to get back together when she comes home. as much as I want that to happen in my heart, I know it will mean that she just wanted both this whole time.

 

When people are away, or traveling, or in an adventure, or experiencing something totally new to the senses, it gives them a whole different perspective. It's why many of us do trial separations, or leave their present environment .... it provides insight or a whole different view of the life we are leading. I think that is what happen. And as she processes she is communicating the journey to you. In the end, there's nothing you can do. People make their own decisions and figure out what they need/want. If people come in/out of your life that you share good experiences and happiness, count yourself lucky.

 

good point. she did give me a lot of happiness. I think I relied on her too much for that. that's what makes this so hard but you're right.