Need a reality check

In a relationship for last three years and I use the term relationship loosely but to give a quick idea of what its like the relationship exists solely in his apartment I drive around an hour to see him every weekend and I stay there. We don’t leave to do anything because he is afraid he will bump into people from work and have to “explain” me, now I know he doesn’t have another girlfriend or wife but he says he has an anxiety problem and that’s why he won’t explain me to people.

I understand that because I would have similar issues but its beginning to get me down lately because there are no signs of any changes and I resent him.I have depended on him hugely for support and friendship the last few years as I don’t have any close friends at all so the idea of letting him go is difficult to come to terms with even though its probably for the best.

He has been telling me for the last two years that he wanted to find a job elsewhere so we could be a “normal” couple and a year later nothing has changed. I know I'm an idiot for sticking with him but I feel I've invested too much time to let him go now even though I don’t trust him. For instance he has gone to his parents for the weekend but has disappeared stopped texting and no idea where he is now and it's making me worried.

 

more information required. what's wrong with you that he would have to explain, specifically regarding his job? are you unattractive? much older? much younger? work with him? work for him? he works for you? he works at a gay bar and his employers would be shocked to see him with a woman?

 

are you an arab and does he work at a uranium refinery?..

 

Or perhaps he works for Tylenol....?

 

Fix'd

 

"NSA" ain't just pher ze pheds.

 

No one ever believes me when I discuss what the relationship is like I guess that’s how ridiculous it is....

 

Run, Lemon, run!

Seriously, what kind of relationship is this?? I think you need to reevaluate your worth, get some self respect and get out of it, before wasting even more of your time with someone who after 3 years, can't 'explain' you (wtf?) to people and just disappears without notice.

 

you have to figure out if the good parts of the relationship make it worthwhile to try to fix.

expressing the fact that you are dissatisfied might be a good starting point.

I don't see why you should have to live in secrecy for fear that someone from his job might discover you and demand an explanation.

in principle, you could go to a relationship counselor.

 

I know it and still don't leave probably cheating on me right now as I wait for him in his apartment and tomorrow ill do everything and cook for him and pretend nothing happened

 

^so it's a typical relationship.

 

just found someones earrings in his apartment and he denies ever seeing them he's been there for 3 years and just seen them now.

 

Maybe he is a priest.

 

This. Big time.

 

Honestly he's really awkward and shy so I doubt he could have another gf/wife just the fact that we are almost in constant contact would rule that out (that night I didn't get his texts was my fault since my phone isnt working properly lately) , that said he could definitely be hooking up with people from work when he's out drinking.

 

so what about having a heart to heart about this?

 

We've had many "conversations" about this and he uses the same phrase every time ive never cheated or have done anything close to it but he gets incredibly defensive, when I found the earring and told him he was extremely angry and when I was leaving he pushed me out..anyway we are pretending everything is ok now.

Just wish we could be a normal couple and I could trust him.