Name changing

How did he survive? easy, his dad got custody of him when he was 5.
She didnt even bother to show up at the custody hearing. What a gal, huh?
Then she moved to australia until he was 13 and never called. Then when he was 14 she moved back to the USA and suddenly demanded to see him and his brother every summer. (he lived in MI, his mom lived in AZ)
this is why he doesnt bother to argue with her. He feels absolutly no connection to her as a mother........he even went so far as to say if she died, he really wouldnt feel anthing. he sees her as some half crazed aunt.

yeah, i had an inkling of this when we were dating.... after he told her we were engaged, she sent me a whole box of stuffed pigs. I took it as an insult until aaron told me to just ignore it, that she always sent people weird suff and there was absolutly no hidden meaning.

i dont think that ill have any problem with drawing boundries once aaron and i have kids. Right now, im just trying to keep the peace. Im one of those people who doesnt care if my boundries get walked all over, but if someone tried to walk over my children's boundries, there would be hell to pay.

the only reason my MIL wants me to have kids is because aarons brother just died last month (he was a Marine, same as aaron). She called me up a 3 AM and said,"can you do me a favor?"
me;"uh-huh"
dontia: i want you to have a baby boy and name it jordan
me: no, im not naming it jordan
donita: yes you are
me: isnt it a little late for this discussion? i need to sleep
Donita: but you said you would do me a favor!
me: the gender of the baby really isnt up to me. Good night.

at this point i put down the phone, without hanging up, and went back to bed.

 

Oh, boy, Adeela. I don't envy you. Good thing his daddy raised him. His mom sounds scary. It is OK to be really laid back, as I can tell you are, but people like this womyn are soul suckers. You are more than willing to stand up for your to-be-children (good for you!!!!) but you have to stand up for yourself, too. You did a good job on the phone with above conversation. Keep up the good work.

You deserve to be respected as an adult, and even if she won't respect you, she needs to know you are an adult. Keep up the good work.

I am sorry about your Brother in Law. Losing someone is hard for anyone.

Good luck. You seem like a strong womyn!

 

I am not sure that she was able to get any info from them when she called. But I do know that when she would go to his doctor appointments she would grab the paperwork and put herself as the emergency contact. We had to go to each one of his doctors and change that. My husband has a hard time standing up to his mother now (unlike before we were married - they would fight like cats and dogs, but she was usually the one to start the screaming matches), so he basically ended up doing whatever she pressures him to do. The woman is crazy. Both my hubby and I have cells, and she will call his cell, leave a message, then call my cell and leave a message. It is really annoying. Believe me though, I do screen my calls.

 

I wonder what would happen if all "womyn" stridently insisted on keeping their maiden names and passing them onto their children. Imagine 2 future spouses coming from such families, each having dual/hyphenated last names before getting married. Then they marry and both dutifully take on 4 last names, passing them onto their kids, who grow up and take on eight last names when they get married. The number of names would hilariously keep multiplying exponentially with every generation!

 

this has nothing to do with the subject. first, we're not talking about all women, i don't know where you got that idea. no absolutes. just one woman, and the choice she made, and that choice doesn't involve ridiculous lists of hyphenated names. a pairing is not a list, and it isn't going to grow exponentially, that's silly and you are trivializing an important manner.

what are you saying? in the past, men "stridently insisted on keeping their names", and not only that, they forced the wife and children to take his name.. so if it's wrong for a woman to suggest she add her name to her children's through a hyphen, how is it alright for a man to erase her name, if the woman doesn't want it? (<-- that's a hypothetical question, i'm not looking for rhetoric). are you saying we should shut up and take it and be submissive? give up our identities? are you asking us to imagine women in the future being able to do what men in the past have done? HA! oh wow... but seriously, your reply was really ignorant and inappropriate. i shouldn't have even replied, since i'm sure it was just meant to offend and contentiously provoke.

 

Ok, then how about all men who get married, take their wive's names? that would solve the problem

 

Fortunately, it's not really such an "important matter" to most women, or we'd be facing the truly comical situation I've described. Then we'd have people dropping dead during wedding ceremonies, as the names are recited:

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/tv-series/sketches/fc-06/johann-gambolputty.html

 

I think name changing is starting to become an important matter for women. American names are generally pretty short compared to some cultures.

Lots of couples now are mixing their last names together, there's a thought for you and your husband. My husband and I have been discussing the name issue recently also since so far we have just kept our same names. I don't want to change my last name, so we are thinking about changing his to mine. There is just no good mix to put together of our last names, and I don't want my kids to have to hyphinate.

Huck, why are you here trying to antagonize? Don't you have something better to do with your time?