Naked And Afraid

For those of you who don't know, there is a show called "Naked and Afraid" in which they take two strangers, a man and a woman, drop them off in some God forsaken jungle or desert with only one tool each of their choosing, a map and not a stitch of clothing. The goal is to survive for 21 days and hike to a predetermined extraction point.
Pretty cool show.

So who do you think would make a good pairing for Naked and Afraid?
Name the couple, the location, what tool each would choose, and the outcome of the show.

it can be celebs, fictional characters, HF members, but has to people the community here would recognize.



I'm gonna go for the brass ring right off the bat and go with;

Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton in the African Savanna

The Trumpster chooses as his survival tool his cell phone so he can Tweet about Hillary.........too bad there is no cell phone service where he is headed.
Hillary chooses some industrial strength foundation makeup, heaven forbid the camera got a shot of her zombified pallor.

It goes ok for about 48 seconds until Donald begins talking.........
after two hours in the African sun Hillary's makeup dries and hardens locking her face in a morbid "Jokeresque" grin, and Donald is still rambling on and trying to Tweet.
After another 26 hours of Trump's incessant moronic rambling Clinton commits suicide by running into a pack of hyenas. They all get the runs.
Donald continues to ramble on about his self importance for the remaining time and would have won, but he complained about the lack of room service and then he stepped on a thorn while hiking out, filed a lawsuit against the producers and we have to wait at least another two years before we find out if he finished the challenge.

 

Me and Christina Ricci

I would bring the biggest bottle of alcohol
She would bring a lifetime supply of the pill.

 

I had no idea what that was so I googled her and her forehead is startlingly large. I'm sure it could be used for survival, somehow.

 

Naked and Afraid season 7
Starring:

GLENGLEN__his item..... a Toaster
and
Morrow__her item ......bag of Coffee

Location: Maldivian island

Outcome of the show:

Day 1: Meet and Greet. Morrow looks at Glen's huge twig and berries, Glen looks at Morrow's sweet Strawberry Creams and a beautiful peach.

Day 2: Glen wants to make shelter on the beach. Morrow wants to make a tree house shelter. They do rock , paper, scissors. Morrow loses and is pissed.

Day 3: Glen builds a hut without a woman's bathroom. Morrow doesn't like it, storms off, tension builds.

Day 4: Morrow's pissed about no bathroom in hut, she builds a tree house right over Glen's hut. Glen's happy as a clam he has hut to himself.

Day 5: Morrow tells Glen that his rather large twig is distracting her, and offers to weave Glen a pair of knickers made out of green vegetation. Glen wears it proudly and begins to itch like crazy. Morrow is giggling next to a huge patch of poison ivy. Glen is pissed big time.

Day 6: Glen watches a beautiful sunset from his doorway and feels water drops on his head. Glen can hear Morrow giggling from her tree house bathroom.

Day 7: Glen is pissed from sleeping in a wet hut, and goes and makes a knife and fish hooks out of the metal shell of his toaster. Morrow is needing some of her coffee NOW! But has no cup.

Day 8: Glen is giggling as he chops down Morrow's tree house. Morrow is pissed.

Day 9: Morrow has no choice but to move in with Glen . Morrow takes over the hut. Glen can't figure out how the hut he made became Morrow's hut. Glen's pissed.

Day 10: Morrow needs to drink some coffee bad. Morrow wants to make a fire. While Glen sleeps, Morrow cuts off most of Glen's hair for fire starter. Glen wakes and is pissed.

Day 11: Morrow wants to make a coffee cup out of the remaining metal from Glen's toaster. Glen says no , it's HIS toaster! Morrow's pissed. Glen hides Morrow's coffee

Day 12: While Glen is sleeping/dreaming rubbing his junk, Morrow sneaks away, makes a cup from remaining toaster metal. Morrow is all smiles, not only getting away with making the toaster cup, but also from seeing Glen's sensual rubbing and moaning.

Day 13: Glen is pissed his toaster metal is missing. Morrow is pissed can't find her coffee, Glen is now giggling.

Day 14: Morrow hides Glen's knife and fish hooks. Glen wants his knife and fish hooks and can't find them. Frustrated , Glen goes for a walk-a-bout. Morrow snickers.

Day 15: While Glen's gone Morrow makes snare trap with tree limb and toaster cord. Glen comes back and gets caught in Morrow's trap and is hanging upside-down.

Day 16: Morrow goes to see if she caught Glen yet. Glen chewed the toaster cord off his leg, and waited for Morrow to leave the hut. Glen hid Morrow's toaster coffee cup.

Day 17: Morrow's freaking out, no cup, no coffee.
Glen's freaking out, no knife, no fish hooks.

Day 18: Morrow and Glen make deal to return each other's stuff. Morrow is happy. Glen is happy.

Day 19: Morrow finds some scrumptious vegetables inland . Glen catches some tasty fish in the ocean. They both have an amazing dinner together.

Day 20: Morrow picks up the outside of the hut. Glen cleans the inside of the hut.

Day 21: Boat arrives to take Morrow and Glen home. They both decide to stay and live on the island as best friends.

days later......
Morrow lays in bed and wonders where the fuck she's gonna get more coffee.


Thanks NG. This was a great topic to have fun with. Morrow and Glen are great people. I wish the best for both of them.


Cheers Glen and Morrow.

 

BLOODY HELL.......



Cheers Glen.

 

That's so funny, thanks Pete, and Glen

 

https://youtu.be/qldiQYK_6YU

 

Naked and Afraid season 8
Starring:

Spaceman Spiff__his item......"Greenlee" hydraulic cutter and ram


Moonglow181__her item ......The Usborne Book of Famous Paintings.

Location: Phong Nha Ke Bang National Park in the Quang Binh province of Central Vietnam.

Outcome of the show:

Day 1: Meet and Greet. Spiff arrives on time/naked at the meet point. Moon shows up 6 hours late wearing bikini top and bottoms made out of vegetation not to expose herself to Spiff. Spiff is pissed about Moon's lateness. Both of them had to sleep without shelter. Shelterless x1 and Spiff Headache #1

Day 2: Spiff cant wait to use his cutter and wants to construct a fortified shelter out of trees. Moon protests the killing of trees and wants no part of it. Both of them had to sleep without shelter. Shelterless x2. Headache #2

Day 3: Spiff demands that shelter is made in the cave nearby by at the entrance. Moon lectures Spiff to cheer up and get over himself and the whole 6 hours late/bikini/tree issue.

Day 4: Moon finds Cymbopogon (lemongrass) and makes a potent insect repellent for both Spiff and her. Spiff constructs a well made bow drill and has a roaring fire going in 20 minutes.

Day 5: Moon finds a stream for water, but unfortunately finds someone's garbage and pollution floating in it, Moon globally blames Trump and his administration for this. Spiff is blaming himself for coming onto Naked and Afraid and for putting on lemongrass repellent(broke out in hives)

Day 6: Using fire charcoal, Moon creates some parietal cave art inspired by Vincent. Spiff constructs some deadfall traps to catch animals to eat.

Day 7: Spiff is cutting full cords of firewood in record time using his cutter and ram. Moon harvests seeds, nuts and berries for her concocted Vietnamese trail mix......... as she harvests, she also wreaks all of Spiff's set animal traps one by one.

Day 8: Moon is quite impressed about making a cute skirt and off the shoulder top out of more vegetation. Spiff is quite impressed on how well his Greenlee cutter works and how much money he'll make on cutting/selling firewood/converters back home.

Day 9: Moon cleaned the polluted area of a stream and bathed with her bikini on away from Spiffs wandering eyes.
Spiffs wandering eyes are more importantly fixated on looking for some juicy meaty morsel to cook.

Day 10: Spiff sees a succulent wild boar pork tenderloin running around. Moon sees the same beautiful, cute little baby sus domesticus and scares it way to live another day. Looking at all his sprung traps ,Spiff now knows why he hasn't caught anything yet. Headache #3

Day 11: Spiff takes a shit in proximity of Moons area of the stream. Moon sees this and accuses Spiff for being no different than Trump polluting the Earth by taking a shit where someone could step in it. Moon will be reporting Spiff to Greenpeace after the show.

Day 12: Moon uses Spiff's cutter blades to dig holes for her and Spiff to use the bathroom in. Spiff is looking to cut another cord of firewood but cant find his cutters.

Day 13: Moon looks and finds more foilage and cording to complete her vegetational wardrobe. Spiff looks and finds that his cutter blades are dull, mangled and bent from what it appears to be from "someone" digging with them ( Migraine #1)

Day 14: Spiff blows up and is a complete A-hole towards Moon for using his cutters to dig holes. Headache #4. Moon is unphased by Spiff's rant because shes has been used to his juvenilistic attitude for years. (Yawns) with no apology.

Day 15: Near starvation, Spiff finds a dead rat , cooks it and makes delicious rat burger. Jumping to conclusions, Moon sees the dead rat carcass and is infuriated about the killing, threatens Spiff with legal action and a formal complaint to the ASPCA.

Day 16: Moon is kicking back, reading her book , relaxing and eating her trail mix. Spiff is kicking back looking at his mangled cutters and back at Moon, contemplating tapping out of this reality nightmare or life in prison without parole.

Day 17: In a rice patty nearby, Moon collects rice and a weird metal object from under the water. Moon returns to the cave smiling with happiness. Spiff sees the metal object and yells "grenade"! Moon screams and throws the weird metal object into the cave. BOOM & AVALANCHE ! Shelterless x4, Migraine #2

Day 18: With small engine repair and scrap work waiting for him back home, Spiff (pussies) taps out of show. A cute Vietnamese woman picks up Spiff in a M151 MUTT . Moon has happiness, she can finally be naked without anyone's wandering eyes on her. Sadness due to no shelter or anyone to talk to.

Day 19: Moon shares a tree shelter with a 3 toed sloth she befriended. Spiff's M151 MUTT breaks down in the jungle. Spiff regrets picking cutters as his survival item for the show and would happily go down on Glen for a bottle of ibuprofen right about now.


Day 20: Moon reads Usborne book to Sloth and shares her trail mix... Spiff and the cute Vietnamese woman driver both work at getting the MUTT running again caused from a vacuum leak under the intake manifold.

Day 21: Sadness is... Moon carries Sloth to extraction point and says goodbye. Happiness is... Moon is on the boat back home and has completed the show. Spiff finally gets home on the 22nd day.

Months later......

~PLANTERS® offers Moon 25.5 million dollars for her
Vietnamese trail mix recipe. Moon Happily accepts.

~Spiff married the cute Vietnamese woman driver. Is happily ever after.


Thanks NG. Again this was a great topic to have fun with.

 

Loc-Nar, that was fucking epic and you totally nailed the personalities ...LOL
fine work my man, fine work indeed...

 

Loc-Nar, that was priceless!

You are something else.

You know you have a gift. You should be writing comedy for television.

 

do me

 

HaHaHaHa Made Me laugh that

 

Was very funny, and well detailed, way to go Pete..x

 

Well done!

 

LOL Pete, that was awesome! Must have taken a lot of time and effort, too!

 

Thanks for the comps. I have scripts and scripts and story boards and casting in my head for movies and theater. Just don't have the time to expose them to the world. I love my gift, but it comes at a cost.

When I can't create with my hands or with writing,(blockage) I get down n the dumps. Thats why I started hf topic poster's block.

I'm trying to go for getting some education in film directing. I have access to some good schools. It's my dream job .....its late in the game for me but I think being wise with my old age can be a benefit.

 

WOW! I was thinking later. He should write a full movie. ....what am i talking about tv shows? you have the talent......and i wish you every luck in the world with it. Your writing here lifted my spirits during a difficult time.....and that says alot.....Not many people can do that. ...so yes, you have a gift.

 

I haven't read this thread but reading the Thread title clicking on it and seeing this post first...

I'm having trouble breathing

 

^^^^^

 

Naked and Afraid season 9
Starring:

Rollingalong__his item......21 joints (producers only allowed him one joint per day of the challenge)


Mother's Love__her item ......10 feet of surgical latex rubber tubing

Location: Kenya's driest regional National Park in Tsavo

Outcome of the show:

Day 1: Meet and Greet. Molo sees Roll and hopes he works as hard as he smokes. Roll was hoping to show off some impressive length instead of his turle shell in the less than seasonal cool early morning breeze.

Day 2: Molo decides to start building a mud hut. She uses dirt, dry grasses and water from the nearby water hole. Molo gives Roll the tubing to go bring water back. Roll walks and finds the waterhole. Figures out that he's supposed to fill the tubing up with water to bring back n fourth. He wishes he had fire to smoke some doobs.

Day 3: Roll has gone a little over a day without smoking a doob. Hes cranky, tired, and needs a nap. Molo constructs a bow drill with sticks and some of her hair that she braided. She's starting to get a little cranky as well, she made fire by herself.

Day 4: With fire blazing, Roll thought it would be good time to get blazed too. Smokes doob #1 and #2. Roll gave #3 to Molo. Molo rolled her eyes and tapped her foot at only getting doob #3. Roll squeamishly handed Molo #4. Molo smiles.

Day 5: Roll went on a walk (smoking #5) doing some math in his head and came up with the answer, if he keeps sharing joints with Molo, he'll run out before 21 days. Looking around for Roll, Molo did some math to, she figures she can do this challenge by herself.

Day 6: With hunger setting in, Molo constructs a sling shot with a Y stick and rubber tubing. Roll goes for a doob #6 walk and finds a couple of ostrich eggs. Momma ostrich see Roll by her eggs and kicks his ass trying to run away with them. Egg fail

Day 7: Molo goes out on an all day hunt with her slingshot.
Roll spends the day with doobs #7 and #8 then takes extra long nap.

Day 8: Roll sleeps in, recouping from yesterday's labors. Molo woke up early to cook the two birds she killed with one stone from her slingshot. Both had a great meal and smoked doobs #9 and #10. Molo sneaks doob # 11 and smoked it later.

Day 9: Molo is up early and constructs a hunting bow made out of a strong walking stick and her rubber tubing. Roll is frantically looking for doob #11, says fuck it and smokes doob #12 then naps.

Day 10: Molo starts early morning hunt with her new bow and sharpens some wood arrows she finds along the way. All alone in the mud hut, Roll has some early morning wood to rub out. Smokes doob #13 after he finished.

Day 11: Molo has an awesome hunt. Kills a large gazelle with her bow and arrow, butchers the meat, tans the hide. Roll went for a walk smoking doob #14 and #15, he misses Captain terribly.

Day 12: Roll enjoys another awesome meal, and smokes NO doobs, Roll is painfully rationing. Molo uses the gazelle hide to make a top and some shorts. She also easliy made Roll some underwear with only a 4 inch piece of hide. The rest she's using as a cape/blanket.

Day 13: Getting tired of laziness, Molo leaves mud hut to go on another hunt with her bow/arrows, sling shot, and bow drill for fire, a possible overnighter. Roll sat watched the hut and fire. Didn't smoke any doobs. Waited for Molo.

Day 14: On her way back, Molo takes a nasty fall and sprains her foot. She can barely walk. Unable to move other than crawling, Molo gathers kindling and builds fire to keep predators in the near distance away. She also has her bow and sling on the ready for protection. Night time falls and Roll is worried. No sign of Molo.

Day 15: Daybreak, Roll sees the smoke from Molo's fire miles away. Roll grabs his walking stick and tubing with water. Molo sees a pack of salivating hyenas circling her position. Roll finds Molo holding off hyenas with sling shots and yelling. Roll arrives in the nic of time. Molo piggy backs Roll all the way to mud hut.

Day 16: Roll tends to Molo's foot and also gives doobs #16 and #17 for pain relief. Molo has first day of rest since challenge started.

Day 17: Roll leaves Molo with doobs #18 and #19 then goes out hunting with sling shot. Molo tends to her foot and feeds fire. Roll comes back empty handed for food but brings back wood to make crutches for Molo.

Day 18: Molo wants to build her crutches to specs and for Roll to go on a hunt without her. Roll happily comes back with snake kill. Both had a great meal together.

Day 19: Molo covered the entrance of the mud hut with her gazelle cape. Roll and Molo spent most of the day in the mud hut together. No cameras allowed.

Day 20: Molo packed up all her cool stuff she made: the sling shot, bow drill , crutches ,bow and arrows. Roll packs his last doobs #20 and #21, never did find doob #11.

Day 21: Roll and Molo(using her crutches) walk five miles to extraction point. Helicopter picks them up. Molo and Roll hug, high five and smoke doobs #20 and #21 together for the ride home.

Months later......

~Roll regrets the entire show and experience, except for day 19.

~Molo is now in talks with the Discovery Channel for her own show called "Survival Off the Grid" tales of self sufficiency.