my step dad called me a whore

He doesn't sound like he is worth meeting halfway to anywhere imo. His whore comment disrespected her and her mother. She has a full college schedule, that is plenty productive at 19. You did the right thing by leaving, I went through this when I was 19 and my mother called me a lot too and she also cried. The problem was that she was worthless when it came to drawing a line for my father and his abusive behavior.

Go be your own person and keep working toward your goals. That household will only scar you in ways that will take you years to truly sort out... and in the end history will just repeat itself there. Be cool to your mom but stand your ground and be done with the issue.

I've been in your shoes, you will be alright and your future will work out, just make the best effort you can to better yourself and learn to be resourceful.

 

Let me ask you one thing, Are you a whore? If so then you know why he said it, if your not then just brush it off your sholder. No need to get upset about it.

 

She didn't say that, she said this:

... most people i know at college only go for a few hours at most each day ... for their particular classes.

It's not about whether people are worth meeting halfway ... worthiness is irrelevant. It's about taking just a little share of responsibility for this situation the OP find herself in with a view to making the situation a little better ... for herself.

 

yeah everyone that lays in bed is a whore, didn't you know that?
i'd tell the dude to fuck himself, he isn't your father, and if your mom doesn't feel the same way i'd just tell him to get out of your life. if someone is going to disrespect someone in a way like that, they deserve some disrespect right back.

 

And this attitude will solve what exactly?

 

I was thinking along these lines....Since when is being a whore NOT a job? And a bed is a whore's workbench.....give him your best dirty look, and tell him he can't afford your retainer.

 

his attitude did what? made her upset. if he's going to make someone upset he should get treated the same way.

 

War never changes

 

I know, right?

I can see from your comment that you are a fan of "eye for an eye." What if his abuse does not stop at name-calling? What if she gets him really mad and he starts throwing punches? Does anyone really need that? Everyone agrees that he shouldn't get away with this, but starting shit only makes things worse for everyone. Maybe you get all kindsa joy out of picking fights and kicking ass, but not everyone operates that way.
How about getting her kicks in later in a more productive way? When she's established herself with a degree and a job with a beautiful family that she helps support? I would say the best way to get satisfaction out of this situation is sending a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Season's Greetings card every year with pictures of your gorgeous family, big beautiful house and sexy car(s) every year...

 

You say worthiness is irrelevant but lucky for me I get to decide that for myself and I don't agree. Some people ARE a waste of time and energy.

I don't see why she would want to share the responsibility of him calling her a whore, that is uncalled for. 19 and in college, I'd say she is on the right track for now, he could have found a better way to communicate any gripes he had against her but he opted for the asshole route. Does he sound like a guy that can be reasoned with to you?

 

If he's a hispanic -uneducated migrant, you could become the subject of some serious macho bullshit.I believe intemperate name calling is assault.Next comes battery.Stay away from both those fools.And fuck PC.

 

i am a fan for eye for an eye but if it doesn't make it any better i'd just blow it off and not dwell on it. if someone said that to me, especially someone that isn't important to be i wouldn't get upset and i'd take it lightly, that's why kind of person i am. but if he did make me upset i'd probably say something back hurtful, but that's only in the circumstance i was hurt by something someone said, which normally i'm not.

 

I wasn't refering to him calling her a whore i was refering to him wanting her to get a job.
As far as the 'domestic' they're having, they're both responsible for it. He should know better, particularly since he's a few years older ... but then some 25 yr olds aren't even 'adults' themselves. This situation won't get better until someone decides to be mature about it and takes some CONSTRUCTIVE action.

 

I got chills from reading this. When I was 18 my mom let a 21 year old illegal from Mexico move in. He had visited our church and gave a sad story about how his landlady had told him the only way he could stay in his trailer was to have sex with her. So my mom offered him a free room for a week or so. I was house sitting and he was supposed to be gone before I got back. He ended up staying for months. My mom talked to my boss (who also went to our church) and got him a job with me. We started fighting all the time, he was very quick to anger and missinterpretted things a lot (prbly the language barrier had a little to do with it). He threatened me and my little brother with violence. When I told my mom she brushed it off as me overreacting. He called me names, destroyed my things and told lies about me at work. Finally after a real big fight, he went back to Mexico. I thought it was done. About a month later my mom said he was coming back. I told her it was me or him. If she let him move back in I was gone. She said that was my choice, but he was moving in. She said he had nowhere else to go and he was living in his car. She felt sorry for him. So I moved out and he came back. After somethings happend (I can't remember what) some of the ladies at church sat down with my mom and told her that she needed to focus on her children more. I may have been 19 at the time of this sit down, but my brother was only 15 and still at home. That is when I found out that they were married. I was so devastated. My brother seemed to be getting neglected in this whole thing and started getting in trouble at school. I called my dad and he took my brother to live with him. My mom eventually moved to Mexico with her husband and things started getting bad. Since he was back with his friends and family he was never home and had many girlfriends. My mom hid this from me for a while, she knew how I felt about him and didn't want to get into anything. I moved to Mexico to be with my mom. She finally kicked him out and we moved to where we are now. They are still technically married, but as far as I know, she hasn't had contact with im in a year. But she does still love him. I don't know about your mom, OP, but my mom was always wonderful, still is. I love her very much and I don't think that she was a bad mom. She fell in love with a man who was very good at manipulating people. That may be the case with your mom. She was lonely and he offered her something that was missing. My suggestion to you is to clearly tell your mom how your feel about her husband. Don't get emotional, she'll prbly just think you're overreacting. People become blinded by love. If you love your mom, then try your best to keep a good realtionship with her. Do your best to move somewhere else and let your mom know that if she wants to see you then her husband cannot be around. Eventually she will see his true colors and she will prbly be hurt. She will need you for support. Even if she didn't give it to you when you needed it, be the bigger person. Keep a good relationship with her. You'll regret it if you don't.
I'm sorry for the long post. This just really got to me and it's a long story. I hope things turn out for the best with you and your mom.

 

I suppose I am just not as optimistic that your strategy will work with this guy. Not that I don't agree with your methods.

 

Hi there, Sounds like you're in a real tough situation, noone should ever feel unsafe in their own home. =( Is this an isolated incident or does this prick have a history of verbally abusing you? Does he talk to your mama like that too?
Check around in your community and see what resources that have for victims of domestic violence, Even if he doesn't physically assault either of you- Words can still be very painful.. ((( hold your head up high sister )))

 

Tell her to kick that sorry motherfucker out, then you will come home. You are doing the right thing by continuing your education. Don't let him or anyone derail your goals. Can you stay somewhere safe, like at a family members house? Your mom is showing you no loyalty by letting this happen. I hope the best for you...