My sis decided she's a transsexual

... which is kinda interesting. I mean, she has a host of mental health problems (schizophrenia, depression), which shone through about 2 years ago, and she came out as lesbian a about a year before that. She had a partner for a while but they eventually broke up. Anyway I'm not exactly the most sexually normal person either, and I know its a cliche but i do have a bunch of gay friends, and am acquianted with a few transsexuals as well and have never had a problem, in fact I get along with them a whole lot better usually!

But I don't know, my sister bothers me. I think part of it is her health problems, cause it seems a bit like she thinks they'll disappear and her life will be perfect if she becomes a guy, and life won't be peachy just because of her sex change. I was really annoyed as well, cause you have to be in therapy specifically relating to your sexuality for something like a year before you can apply for a sex change, and she got her first hormoney thing about a week after telling anybody anything. I don't know, I feel a bit like she's jumping into it. Even when she was explaining why she felt she was transsexual in an email she said things like "I've always felt out of place" and "Sometimes I've felt uncomfortable"- there wasn't anything specifically relating to gender or sexuality at all, which i thought was really weird.

Also, she told me a few days before she came to see me (she lives in another country). She explained how she felt and everything but the bottom line was she was coming home as a man, whether I liked it or not, it was a bit like she didn't care what i thought and assumed I would be fine with it immediately, I didn't have any time to process it..

So part of it is that i'm annoyed about the way she's acting, she's super happy about becoming a guy, it's all she talks about, which is understandable, but she's totally railroading over my feelings, she doesn't seem to even have considered them. She only told me she was becoming a man so I knew why she looked like a guy when she was home. The other part is that she seems to think shes an incredibly hot guy, and she looks like a guy and everyone thinks she's a guy. It disturbs me she thinks this, for one she has breasts which are very apparent even under baggy tshirts, for another all she's done is had a haircut and got her eyebrow pierced. It just doesn't match up with reality, and I' supposed to accept it and pretend like she looks like a guy etc. I just want to shake her and tell her to wake up.

So yeah, i think a lot of what im feeling is because of the way she's acting, but i don't know if i can really accept her transsexuality, even in the future.. help? anyone have any experiences with this stuff?

 

Seeing as how I'm an MtF, I might be able to explain a few things... First of all, if he said that he's a boy; he's probably right... Nobody just decides that they are the opposite gender... he may have been struggling with this for years; or, perhaps, his entire life.

The akward and uncomfortable feelings he has been experiencing are ones that I can identify with... I don't know how to truly describe the feelings without leaving somebody clueless; it's really hard to describe being in social situations while in the wrong sex... It's like, meeting someone new, and then trying to understand why they feel the way they do about certain things... Men and women vary greatly when it comes to certain dispositions.

Whenever I'm around boys, and they talk about "boy things," I get a sense of... being left out; it's just the opposite with girls. I mean, I understand boy's issues, but, I don't empathize with them...

Who knows what changing his physical sex will yield; maybe he will begin to find peace and ease his problems. The best thing you can do, is be supportive... I realize, that it's hard to accept that he is going to be changing your views of him completely; but... it's better to think of what he has to gain from this, rather than what you will be losing... Is it he who is disregarding your feelings, or you who is disregarding his?

 

it sounds like it would be incredibly difficult to register for you not only because you've been her sister since you were born, but because she's had mental illness in the recent past. i think you're probably doubting her sincerity because of this, would this be right? coz i know that would make me doubt it a bit too.

and it sounds like she's jumping into things too. who knows. but maybe she's been thinking about it for quite some time. perhaps it's been aggrevating her depression and the like. you sound really willing to open up and listen to her though, so give her a chance to let it all out and tell you exactly how she feels. i'm sure it's genuine if she's decided to take such a big step in life.

 

If that's how he feels, then that's how he feels. How do you know he is jumping into things when he has only just told you, when prolly the case is, he has been embarrassed to say before. I only came out to my Mum this year as liking girls and I told her that I am transgendered. Because I am deeply unhappy with operations and my life is already difficult enough, I will not be asking for an operation to become a man. I am a woman, by the way - and because I opt to stay a woman, I prefer to be labelled as neither he nor she - but your sister, is going the whole hog and you have to respect his decision because that's what they have decided. Do ask your doctor if he/she can refer you to a suitable counsellor because for you to talk through your issues with a trained professional, even just one session, you will surely accept your sister for what he is. He may have mental health problems but do you have any idea how depressed being born the wrong gender makes you? I dream of being my true man self, at night. I wake up and I have huge breasts (I mean seriously huge) and I am so disgusted by my monthlies that I take pills to stop them happening because I just can't deal with them. Imagine how your sister feels, I am sure he thinks about what you think all the time but also he must think about his long term happiness. Your sister will always be your sibling, the person you can talk to (or whatever it is you and he do) and that's a bond that no operation should break, hun.

 

Umm ok.. i just wrote a huge reply but comp deleted it. In order to be eligible for hormone treatment, you have to be in therapy for 2 years specifically for your gender issues, and living as the opposite sex for a year. I know for a fact she has not been living as a man for more than 6 months, further, she's only been in therapy for 2 years, and the vast bulk of that has been for her schizophrenia and depression. I know for a fact it has been sped up.

She is not transgendered. She is very specific about this, she wants to be a man but does not feel she was born the wrong gender, she is by no means transgendered.

It is not only unfair but offensive that she has treated me like this. I have been treating her and her decisions with respect. She has shown no respect to my feelings whatsoever, in her emails, in her face-to-face treatment of me, nothing. She is being extremely self centred and it's a bit hard to explain or show by writing in detail about her actions toward me in the last few months. it's extremely upsetting and as someone who is extremely upset about their own gender, i would hope you'd understand matters like this do affect more than the individual who experiences it, especially when those involved aren't conscious and respectful of each other's feelings. I have done nothing but support her in the last few years and I have never received anything in return. This should be a two way relationship.

 

That's unfortunate about your previous post; however, the guidlines you describe are merely the standard that is suggested... Certain counselors and therapists will bend and break those standards as they see fit for each individual patient; as such standards vary... For example, I will probably have my letter of recommendation to an endrocrinologist within a month; I am turning 18 in roughly two weeks... And, I've only been living as a woman since July.

But, I am so well educated on the process, that I know and understand the reasons behind every single thing my therapist talks to me about; I could just make the stuff up if I truly wanted to. Yet, becaue of my drive to learn so much about these things, I'm fairly confident that I'm not doing this just for the hell of it. I mean, I'm even attending school as a woman... hormones would lower the rise of incidences in which my passability was brought into question. I just want to attend school like any other girl... and, thusly, I seek transition. I've been waiting for hormones for roughly 6 years; my first puberty was not all that enjoyable... Anywho, enough about me.

As for your sister's therapy for depression; his gender dysphoria may be a large cause of that depression. He has been in counseling for his gender issues... He's probably just been talking about them on abstract planes; relating similar situations and concepts to the ones that he is actually trying to deal with, without having admitted to questioning his gender identity... Trans people are smooth like that; we learn to hide pretty well.

Transgender is an umbrella term; and, the situation you describe here, falls under that umbrella... I suppose you should discuss what he actually feels; it would be best to understand his motives.

If he is being self-centered, give him space... If you feel that he isn't respecting your feelings, it's possible that he feels the same way. Also, nobody has to impress another; I am fairly sure that he respects you quite a bit. Just because it appears that he doesn't, doesn't make it so... As for the ways he is acting; I'm sure there are reasons as to why... tell him how you feel, and assure him that it's not his fault. Even if it is; or, at least, split the blame upon the two of you...

I have an amazing comprehension of the consequences caused by my choices; so much so, that I know what affects certain things will have before I even consent to them... I'm going to be brutally honest with you; it's probably something you don't want to hear and may upset you... He doesn't owe you anything; as his sister, it is assumed to be natural for you to support and respect his decisions. I'm fairly sure he does the same things in his own ways; it just sounds like the communication between you two is rather fuzzy.

Talk with each other, share how the both of you feel... Understand one another's stances, even if neither party is tolerant... A trans person's intuition is a funny thing; it leads us to odd places and usually yields hurtful paths. Both of you are going to end up suffering at certain points; you might as well learn to enjoy the parts where you aren't under stress or tension.