My Secret Hot Affair (First Ever for Us Both)

We don’t have anywhere to share this so WTH I’m going to here with her permission. I’m changing names and a couple details that don’t pertain to the accuracy of what has happened, but the story is true and we think wild but also really pretty cool how we found each other. I’ve been told I’m good with words so hopefully this reads well. I’ll post a segment at a time as I’m on vacation and have time alone here and there...

I loved her so much. She was everything I thought I’d ever wanted and the girl I found at such a young age. We were together for years before getting engaged. In addition to getting along on everything and having the same values and direction in life, without having sex before marriage we both clearly seemed we’d be sexually compatible as well...or at least I thought we’d be. We got married! We were both so well known and parents also...the wedding was huge. Hundreds there from all over. It was beautiful and fun.

That night we walked into our hotel room beginning our sexual life and I got a cold sweat as I realized she didn’t want to have sex. I chose to justify it for the reasons she said (I’m tired, we’ll have the whole honeymoon, etc) and I wanted to be a gentleman. By the end of the week I realized I had miscalculated a huge aspect of our relationship. And it would prove over the first 21 years that nothing I’d do would ever make a difference in that area.

Because I was so loving and committed, I refused to believe any aspect of a marriage couldn’t be fixed. So I set out for years to try and work on this aspect. It probably would never be what I’d hoped, or even what I figured the worst case scenario could ever be, but we could at least get better right? I read books, articles, talked to good friends who could keep it out of the ears of others. I was a hopeless romantic. I’d write notes, leave flowers, write poems, buy little gifts, be tender but also try being aggressive. I’d try to talk and listen, try to yell and show anger. I pleaded for counseling, but that was never an option to her. She refused to talk about sex. I Always kept my body in peak physical conditioning (I’m 44 and legit 6.5% body fat and ripped as hell)...Nothing ever took. We started a family...the only time she’d ever end up showing any interest in sex. Otherwise she didn’t want anything to do with oral sex, refused to let me touch her pussy or her touch my dick. No lingerie, not a single different position but her on top (I’m large and she was intimidated). She’d lay motionless usually and wait till I was “finished.” She HATED sex. It was her duty and she’d get out of it at any chance she could. At one point we went 18 months without sex. I tried to see if she’d budge. One night I snapped and she was shocked and simply said “I thought you didn’t want it anymore and since we have our three kids we didn’t really need to unless you wanted to.” Crushing.

I’m a very passionate, competitive and intense person, but also EXTREMELY sensitive. I coached HS soccer at a local school and was very well known as a coach and family man. I poured myself into that and a benefit was that it distracted the one huge hole in my life. I NEVER crossed any kind of line with female athletes in HS. EVER. I’m actually a huge female rights kind of man. I love helping to craft men and women into strong future leaders. But we are also human and sometimes find another person attractive. There was a younger girl Jennifer. I thought was so sweet and quiet, but fun as hell and competitive. We clicked as coach and athlete. I wanted hard workers and she loved to work. Our strategies and philosophy always matched and she had zero attraction to me (she admits today). I actually wasn’t “sexually” attracted to her at all. She was just cute and I respected how fit she kept herself. She valued how fit I kept myself as a coach. But she also saw I had many other athletes I gave attention to also. And I made sure no one could see favorites. So even now looking back she has NO idea I found her a cutie. I’d always look forward to seeing her at practice because I enjoyed her friendship. She always looked forward to the end of the school day to see me. I always kept her on her toes and made her laugh, but we also knew we both wanted to WIN.

Her trust and respect for me led her to one day talk to me about how she felt she was gay. I walked with her in that journey which was hard for awhile with family and a few others. She fully came out and had a girl friend. Jen and Susan began a long off and on again relationship that proved to be far from healthy. But after HS I lost track of Jen as she sort of spiraled downward in many ways and took her path into adulthood.

Meanwhile, no changes in my marital issue. A young woman came onto me at one point and my wife found flirtatious messages from me to her and her to me. A huge blow up occurred and I severed that young woman from my life. You’d think maybe that would wake my wife up. It did nothing. Then I finally told her I was gone. I physically left one night and slept at my office. She finally got the hint and we went into counseling. She had a female and I had a female and then we all four met. Both counselors agreed it was the worst case they’d ever dealt with. They admitted I’d done anything they could ask but pleaded with more patience. They challenged her big time. “You can’t just take steps...you must take leaps.” They gave her tough love. But I warned I had been in this place countless times and it never lasted. I’d try one more time...small changes for weeks led to no changes again. There I sat...hopeless...

One day I got a new membership at a fitness place in town. I had retired from coaching (parents suck...they’ve ruined sports)...and went to a back room to stretch after finishing cardio and who ever would’ve guessed...It was Jennifer...

 

Mmmmm things are about to take a turn in your story

 

Still married I presume. Jennifer came along and has provided that missing part of ones life. I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did. Learn from the flirtatious messages experience and cover your tracks explicitly. Enjoy the time you and Jennifer are having. I suspect a large age difference of at least 20 years. That may become an issue, It may not. Take your time with this and don't rush into Jennifer's arms just because she is providing you with sex. Your description of her lifestyle away from you lends me to believe she has a lot of emotional issues in her head. Before this advice becomes valid though we need to hear the rest of your story. Looking forward to the next post.

 

Excellent advice and insight Barry.
Yes, no rushing in her arms, never know what is lurking beneath the surface if she had issues still not resolved

 

Part 2 (info here might answer some initial concerns or thoughts but love all your input so thank you!)
We were somewhat shocked to see each other. We had passed at local stores a few times or seen each other from a distance and always smiled and said “hey!” But nothing major. She had been hip deep in the relationship with her first girlfriend for a long time that was NOT healthy (she agrees now). That woman made her a worse person but by the time we had met at this fitness club that relationship had ended and she had had a couple more sexual encounters with women but at this point was simply focusing on finishing school, and working while living at home.

Our friendship picked up immediately although different in our topics because she wasn’t a teen anymore...she was 24...I was 44. We caught up in convo discussing how I had ended my coaching career (she had heard), and she was getting back into top shape again, and that was it. Now I will admit, she looked beautiful. I had remembered her as this little cute girl and now she was a full grown woman and she glowed. I was proud of her hard work in school and her job...the path she was on. I encouraged her and she appreciated it as she always admired me and the role I played in her life.

I saw her a few days later at the gym and half because I wanted to not workout alone and part because I admit, she was a cute gal I asked “hey what do you think about us working out together? I’ll design our training like when you were in HS and whenever we can we can spot each other and challenge each other...”

She admitted awhile later she was mixed between feeling it was a little weird (married man, former coach, 20 years older) but she also knew me and trusted me and knew we got along so said “Sure!” I made up a program and we got to it. We didn’t workout EVERY day together, but as the weeks passed it became that. And it was NOT flirtatious at all. We chatted like mad. Made each other laugh, challenged each other, and were pumped whenever we each accomplished something. We also competed with each other and we both admit now...wanted to impress each other but not sexually or attraction wise on HER side (yet).

We had both gone thru some traumatic shit in the previous few years and our listening ears and words of advice and encouragement seemed to hit the spot on each other. We were quickly changing from “coach and athlete” to “peers.”

Eventually some very low level flirting occurred. Occasionally, I’d cross lines a little in my mind with her, but she’d always say “it’s totally ok I’m flattered by the attention just know it is NOT mutual.” She respected me as an athlete and fit person but had no attraction to me. Hell, she liked women and we’d talk about that sometimes. She knew all about my struggles in my marriage sexually also and she’d listen and encourage when she could, but just felt bad for me. It went on like this for a year. My flirting eventually became normal in our relationship and she would eventually tell me “IF I was ever into a man, your body would be the ideal body I’d want...but I’m not into men. Just respect any athletes fitness and hard work.” I’d always be bummed but understood and was flattered. One time I touched her arms in a sensual way at the gym and she made sure I knew “nice try but again...it’s not mutual so don’t do it again.” Lines were firm. But at this point I’d literally tell her flat out she was hot, I was attracted to her and wish she’d be into me.

One day she was finishing a set of squats and I was spotting her from behind, and after she racked the weight I leaned toward her ear and whispered “god I fucking WANT you.” I didn’t think in a million years anything would matter but she admits something about me saying it that close and in her ear flickered something inside her. She went home and heard that in her head often and it made her think for the first time about me sexually. It made her pause. But I had no idea.

Weeks went on and flirting continued. We’d message about our weekends more often. More conversation occurred outside the gym. But all mostly causal convos. Sometimes the flirting would happen more and she’d admit she loved the attention. Eventually I made a play and set up why I think it would be awesome for us to have an affair. Shockingly one night she listened and asked questions and seemed interested a LITTLE. My heart raced and I thought I had a chance. The next day she texted me “I slept on it and just to be clear it is a hardcore absolute NO. I never will. I pondered it seriously for a few minutes but no way.”

I really did once and for all feel it was over. And I felt it was awkward now because I had over extended myself and it fell a part. I stopped messaging her nearly as much and it went a lot more quiet besides just working out as talking about working out. After a few weeks she made it clear she missed the flirting and attention and wanted me to continue BUT that’s it just flirting. I felt she was a tease but I was so into her so I did again some and we chatted more often again and were close again. We had established boundaries, talked it out, and valued our friendship and respected each other. We both knew nothing would ever happen... or so we thought...

 

Eventually one night I was messaging her and asked her “why would you not meet me?”

we started walking thru all the pros and cons. The up sides and down sides. Eventually we were convinced that although it was possible since she’d never been with a man that she might not like it at all, and just found my body great but not sexually, all the other concerns weren’t as bad as she had thought. So we decided to dive in...

I had a key to a very private place we could meet. We said the time and we’re messaging even right before. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. Almost got cold feet. But I was standing inside the door and she walked in. I locked the door behind and we walked into the room and chatted briefly and then I took her arm and pulled her to me and we kissed. We went SO slow.

That first time was a lot of messing around. Eventually I went down on her but has never done it to a woman because I had not been allowed to. I wasn’t that good because as she told me after I didn’t keep doing what I was doing consistently enough for her to really settle in.

the first time was ok, nothing major...but we both liked it and she agreed to meet and try again. And THATS when the doors blew off. There was NO awkwardness walking in that time and we dove into each other. I tore all her clothes off and ANY sense of embarrassment was gone. She said later she’d never felt so desired and sexy. Never had had such confidence in her own skin and get this...I was every bit as good or better going down on her than any woman who had.

We’ve been meeting about once a week or so for months. A few times in she lost her “virginity” to me and I was so honored and she felt so safe. She loves how respectful I am of her body and her whole being. We are trying EVERYTHING we can think of together! Nothing is taboo. She’s sat on my face, I’ve played with her asshole, we are getting very physical and can yell and scream all we want to there. She gets so hot with his into her I am. The last time we meet she got two orgasms and was exhausted. It is a blast.

we knew we might get attached and we are. But we both know coming out together would bring shit tons of pressure on us both and rob us of the happiness we have in private. So we will keep it right here.

Neither of us could’ve imagined this would work out SO well. Our friendship is better, our training in the wtrm is better, and the sex is AWESOME.

we agreed that IF by some miracle we’d run away, which we don’t want to, I’d be fine with her having flings with women when she wanted and then be us and who knows maybe a threesome here and there.

She’s a very strong independent woman. I’ve given her so much more confidence and happiness she says and she’s done the same for me. Our lives have NO cross over to anyone anywhere. No one would ever think we were secretly together in a million years. It’s awesome.