My partner has suggested I become polyamorous

My partner and I (f49, m44) started our relationship in October in a hail of passion which we quickly realised wasn't doing us any good and so we did calm down in December helped by her shop work meaning we didn't see as much of each other. As the new year progressed we were hoping to try and get closer again but she is finding herself fatigued by a combination of the strain caused by her visual impairment and a flurry of visits and phone calls from her housing association.
We have sat down and had a lengthy discussion about how we can try and get our relationship back under our control, were we are both getting what we want out of it and are able to let it grow naturally.
But we really struggled.
My partner said on two separate occasions that I should leave and find someone who is in a better position to spend time with me than she is but I told her
"we have a fantastic time when we are together, I can't imagine leaving you for a minute, especially over something that I feel can be sorted".
Then she said
"yesterday I was looking on the net at Polyamorous relationships and was thinking that might be what you want."
We had a brief discussion about it that really didn't really do anything before I had to leave. I have spent several hours today having a think about it but I feel I need to speak to someone who has experience in this matter and I'm hoping you will be able to answer some questions I have and give me an idea of how beneficial this might be and how much of a big deal it might be to us.

 

While I never actually became polyamorous, I had been considering it for a while. The biggest obstacles seem to be with jealousy and communication. If she won't be jealous of you having another relationship and the two of you...and whoever you choose to be with in the future, communicate openly and honestly there is a good chance you can make it work. Good boundaries set out before you begin, about what is acceptable and what is not would probably be a good start. There are actually a lot of books and websites devoted to the topic if you want to know more.

 

Take a step back, and see it for what it is. It's a fling that may be over and may yet turn into something. Exploring polyamory is putting the cart before the horse.

You've been a couple for only part of a four-month period. That's not a huge investment for either one of you. Just because you once had passion doesn't mean that the relationship will last. The vast majority don't last, which, because you're both middle-aged and not middle-schoolers, you know from experience to be true.

How does someone you've been in a relationship with for four months come to be referred to by you as your "partner"? You've been a couple for less than 1% of your life. Not married...no children together...if you didn't buy property together in the past few months or start a business together, I can't see that it's a partnership of any kind.

It may be time for you both to move on, and her suggestions: (1) that you should leave the relationship; and (2) that the relationship not be sexually exclusive or monogamous are likely a subtle way of telling you that it's over. Not everyone is direct about it.

She's got other things she's dealing with. Give her the time and space to deal with those things. If she wants or needs something from you, she'll ask.

 

Don’t like to sound cynical but it sounds to me like she wants to end it but doesn’t want to hurt you so is being genital about it. If you love someone you would want them by your side especially if your going through stuff. It might be time for some you time, have some fun , being in a serious relationship all the time is not the be all and end all in life.

 

I have been thinking about this and I really don't think this is the case, I just think she doesn't realise that a polyamorous relationship is much more than just having sex with someone.

Either way, it's not happening. I value our relationship too much!

 

This is what crossed my mind as well

 

My experience is that polyamorous strengthens a relationship. I do not believe humans are designed to be on a one on one relationship. I think society made laws and rules to control. One can be quite happy with a partner who has an other partner or partners.