My Parents/my Future Wedding

First. Our wedding isn't planned, defined or official. My girlfriend and I are just that. Nothing more or less yet. I definitely want to marry her. No one else. However this brings me to the issue of my parents.

Mom. Ex/current? Cocaine addict. Missing teeth. Unsightly slim in the face. A large scar on her nose from ex boyfriend abuse. She has been on welfare for the last decade and is now diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She has no shame in attempting to garner sympathy from anyone she talks to and attempts to do it with half hazard joking. Currently lives with her mother. I dislike her in appearance, character but love her because she is my mother.

Dad. ex/current alcoholic. Missing/brown teeth. Unsightly sunken face. Multiple sclerosis has affected his mind and eyesight. Is delusional about an apparent invention and brags about it to everyone he converses with. He berates me and attempts ultimatums to basically be his Butler in that he wants me to move near him so I can drive him around and be his verbal punching bag once his mother dies, whom he also currently lives with. He's on disability and likes to show off with spending it in front of people. Paying for your meal, buying you gasoline, offering you business proposals as if he is in a position to do so. I dislike him in appearance and character but love him because he's my father.

I want neither of them at my wedding. I want them to have no part of it. I feel they have shamed my family name and will suck joy from the celebration/ make people feel sorry for me because of who raised me. I want none of it. I work hard everyday. I pay taxes. I don't want them there claiming responsibility for a person they did next to nothing to help nurture. But eventually I'll have to tell them I got married, and why I didn't invite them. What am I supposed to do? It would literally kill one of them maybe and probably make the other suicidal. I'm not a troll. I swear it. My sweetheart keeps talking about our wedding and I cannot say I'm exited about it because of this shit. I want her. I want a ring around her finger so fucking badly it hurts.

I'll take any advice. I feel my own head has poised myself towards bad judgment here. Please help. They both meant so well. I mean well. There has to be a way to work this out.

 

I've already told my mum and dad that the missus and I are heading up north on our own, we'll find some registered celebrant and get married with absolutely no one around then come home and have a ceremony in the back yard. That's a perfect wedding to me, solitary.

 

I don't see what their appearance has to do with it but their personalities sound less than desirable and I wouldn't want them at my wedding either.

Do what makes you happy.

 

It's one day. It most certainly won't kill you.

 

Your wedding and your decision but I hope that at some point in the future you do not regret this decision.

Life has a way of changing and we often do not miss what we have until it is gone.

Personally if I were going to exclude my parents from my wedding I would elope instead and not host a wedding.

 

What ever you do, you wont please everyone.
if you run away and marry, what about your gf family, will they mind?
I think you should talk to them, and be honest, tell them its you and gf day, you would like them to be civil, and nice, if they are insulted, then say, ok, don't come.
I think you may regret a last chance to have a family wedding, don't forget, the memory and pictures will be a constant reminder...they are not in good health, so perhaps you need to
think about the bigger picture.. your day is about you two, no one else, just take the bit between your teeth, and be honest, if they refuse to come, your left with no more than you want, and
they will have made the decision for you.
good luck, and be brave.

 

We decided to elope next month on the 17th. We will have our celebration after I figure this shit out. If I have to bite bullets, so be it.

Much love everyone, thanks for all the support.

Edit: Also. EXTREME apologies to the admins for posting this in the wrong forum.

 

Yeah...I'd say have an untraditional wedding so that not inviting your parents seems normal. If there's only the two of you or very few people there, it shouldn't be a big deal. Maybe just have friends at your reception/celebration? Or have something casual and short so that your parents can't ruin your day? Also I think it's really sweet what you've shared and I wish you and your future wife the best.

 

WOW! I am not sure I would want to be your wife. If I did something to make you unhappy, f'd up in any way...you would be talking about me like you are your parents here.....

 

I never judge Amy. She knows I never will. I'm glad you wouldn't want be my wife, probably much better men out there.

My parents ruined themselves and relations with the rest of my family. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, none will talk to me because they assume that I'm in the same lifestyle as my parents. I've tried to talk to all of them so many times. They just consider our extension of the family too far gone to even deal with. I don't blame them either. All my parents ever do is try to get money or sympathy from them. They think I'm a moochy druggie because that's what I grew up with. Even if my parents lived to see the birth of my future kids, I honestly don't know if I would let them near them. I honestly, truly, sincerely wish I felt differently about them. They didn't earn my respect or my trust. I only want people I can respect and trust at our wedding.

My dad could have stayed with Intel and been successful. My mom could have stayed an registered nurse and been successful. They both could have been so much had they just stayed away from drugs or alcohol.

 

dont invite them

 

I sympathize with what you are saying...it is sad, then....I'm sorry.

 

The ghost, don't mean to be rude but your avatar looks like a hand with a finger penis.....I need to scroll you away quickly whenever I see it....oh, no! lol

 

Penis Envy.

Every now and then it rears it's ugly head.

 

No, no penis envy here...

 

I totally understand that.

 

I love all of you for even caring enough to read about my troubles. Let alone be as helpful as you have been.

It's a really difficult issue for me. I feel alot better about it.

 

My parents weren't able to let go of their 20 year old war that started the day they got divorced. It probably started the day they got married so was more of a 32 year old war.

Mom said, "I don't think you should have a rehearsal dinner because your father and I shouldn't be in the same room together". Straw that broke the camel's back, I'd been listening to her talk shit about him my entire life (some of it well deserved) but now she was dragging my wedding into it. She hates my wife anyway, so we said, "Fuck it, we're eloping".

We eloped on the opposite coast almost 3,000 miles away at Lake Tahoe. I called my roommate from the Army to be my Best Man and bought plane tickets. Somebody found out because 35 family members actually showed up. Both my parents, step-parents, and my grandmother flew out, and my wife's family drove 8 hours up the coast to surprise us.

It was such an incredible thing for them to do but my mother went out of her way to be a bitch and cause problems. I honestly wish she just stayed home.

The point of the matter is you can't escape family. You can try and have a certain level of success but family is family. They're there.

That was March 4, 1995. Tonight is my 20th wedding anniversary. Twenty wonderful years. My grandparents were married 50 years when my grandfather passed away.....that's my goal.

 

Weddings...supposed to be about the joining of two as one. It is a celebration of two people in love. And on that note I will say....I fucking hate weddings. Hate to go...sure as hell do not want to be anymore bridesmaid shit.

The planning...people will plan a wedding for a year for Christ's sake. The money...OMG! The money. I say take all the cash you'd spend on one day....all that cash spend on a dress you wear for a few hours...and put a down payment on a home. The stress and drama...who needs it?

Go to the Justice of the Peace for the legal shit...then have a party.

God, I hope my daughters want this....

 

This is curious to me. My boyfriends mother is the devil incarnate and even though we've been together over 4 years and aren't married, it is a possibility it could be in our future. I dread this day almost because of how horrible she is, and my boyfriend has expressed that even though he can't stand his mother, I should respect that is his mother and that he loves regardless, simply because she is his mother. Honestly, the stories I could tell you about this woman.