walking through the winding woods listening to the song of the whistling willows dancing alone in the solitary mud playing with the bounding rabbits sleeping next to the tired doe living out my wild dreams
Short poetry is cute, but I would suggest trying longer poems, plus... try to expand your vocabulary. You should also use punctuation in your poems to allow the desired effect to take place on the reader.
Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. Most of my poems tend to be short due to my attention span. I agree, there are some words that are overused (willow, muse, etc). Any tips on lengthening poems? Peace and love
Three word liners Are what I am best at. With three lines in every single verse I write. Witty are some, but not too many others are. My mind expands, leaving little bits for your deciphering. This must make no sense whatsoever, neither do I. Sometime I expose my bare heart to the world While other times the only thing seen is bullshit. Where does sincerity begin and the hidden feelings end? When do you bleed your heart out totally dry From writing your deepest thoughts and feelings while all Those other people sit together and laugh about it?
Working on something different... The sky was a bright purple haze which could mean only that a thunderstorm was headed this direction. I crouched by the stoop alone, waiting for the tell-tale claps of thunder in the distance. Nothing. "She's on her way," I whispered to myself. Suddenly and without warning, the sky began to empty with a furious vengance upon the earth. and the clouds were lit up like a city skylight at night. Wind ripped at my skin while rain tore at my clothes. Hail shattered the windows with a fury unknown to mankind. and then, it was over. The mother of all storms had moved on. Took her wrath to another place. Hope those people would appreciate her beauty like me. Hope this is better...
Adam, You have my heart and my soul, but yet you waste what gifts I give you. Do you even love me? This question burns within the depths of me because I fear the answer is a big, fat NO. Do you love the sex instead and I know that answer is yes. You say you want to wrap your arms around me, you had your chance and you were busy with other people around who don't even like you. You want to hold my hand but you let go. You want my love but can't give anything yourself. I try to be there for you but I am not your mother. I cannot take care of your every want and need. I am only human, not a superhero. That you pretend I am sometimes No, I am not perfect and you are far from it as well. Why pretend to be something that you are not? In the end, as Kurt said in his song "All in all is all we are" We do the best that we can And I may seem harsh, but your best isn't good enough for me to stay with you Your thoughts and reasons are skewed. You are bad news bears and as much as this hurts I still love you to pieces and I will miss you more than I can ever say.
Life's journey leads you along many strange paths. Twisting roads with treacherous curves, Winding hills and scenic straight aways. You decide where to go once you reach a fork in the path but what are these paths? Where do they lead? Into a deep, dark forest followed by an open meadow? Or a desolate desert without any water in sight? What will you choose? I chose the path without any markers, devoid of life minus the few bottom feeders who tripped me up along my way. It was a journey full of degradation and fears, losses with no gains. I reached a t-road and chose the higher path. Now lush forests surround me as I walk along a meandering stream with fish a'leaping and frogs a'singing Life's journey is going well again.
[I find that I write a lot of poetry inspired by whatever is going on around me.] Yeah, me too. Sometimes it's easy to write about whatever is going on immediately and other times the words lag, as in I will experience something and only months later am I ready to write about it. I guess, after the dust settles down and my mind is clear.
Any pointers on newer poetry? Just would like some critiquing. I'm trying to write better poetry and this forum has helped me improve, imho. Please rip them to pieces! Peace and love
As this begins it has a lot of potential but it doesn't quite deliver for me. At the end I am left with a sort of empty feeling of...'so what?' I think this is partially because you don't quite develop the poem and the point behind this. What exactly are you trying to convey here? If it's this magnificent storm, then you did a rather bland delivery, there is not enough description for this storm. Show, don't tell. In fact, I would get rid of the word 'magnificent, excitement, fury' all together. These words mean nothing. Instead you should try to really describe, how do you see this storm. What does it look like, what does it feel like? Use all of your senses. Although here you run the risk of making the piece more like a story/prose. Poetry is bit more tricky in this area, with poetry you're doing description but this description must be more unique. This is where you utilize poetic devices, simile, metaphors and such. For me the best part of the piece was.. [ The sky was a bright purple haze which could mean only that a thunderstorm was headed this direction.] I could see it and I could feel the anticipation...
The poem was more about the stormy person than an actual storm. I'll work on your suggestgions b/c it didn't seem finished to me, either. It needed something, a je ne sais quais. Thanks for your input! Peace and love
Trying some prose poetry... Hope it's okay... There was an evil aura that surrounded him. His once brown eyes -now red- had a cruel and empty stare. His body was rigid with hatred flowing through his soul. He was no longer the man I knew him as. He was changed, but how? How had this transformation occured? Where was the caring, gentle man I once knew? Was he always going to be this way or could I help him become the loving, tender person he was before? Too many questions without any clear answers. He came forward with a sharp dagger in that deformed left hand. Military life had scarred him, emotionally and physically. He raised the dagger as I let out a blood curling scream for fear of my life. I dodged the razor sharp blade with a tumble to the side and lept up, racing towards humanity, which he could no longer be considered as part of. He was a beast without remorse or regret or any other emotions considered as human. I scampered right, then left through the overgrown evergreen trees. Had I ditched him? Where was his location? Suddenly, he grabbed me by my shoulders and stabbed the blade into my beating heart. I fell to the ground, in shock as I began to bleed to death. "How could the man that claimed to love me kill me?" I whimpered. "Nothing personal, but you had to die," cleaning my blood off the stainless steel, walking away as everything turned to black...
