My Near Death Experience Told Me I Could By Way Of Suicide If Necessary...

ok, ill start off by telling you my experience and what happened to me, i do not need anyone's confirmation of whether or not it was real....

this goes out to those who are wondering about what happened to me.
on december 12th, 2009 i had a brain aneurysm rupture(blood vein burst in my brain) this caused a stroke, death for 8+ minutes, and 2 heart attacks.

i had a severe migraine that night and was grasping onto my hair on the right side of my head. as i was walking outside of my friends band show to have a cigarette i felt and heart a LOUD POP! my head thrust to the left from the force of the burst. i felt blood trickling down my head. i felt for blood and as i moved my hand back down from my head i saw a light silhouette of my hand coming out of my body(my spirit/soul. as i was pulling my hand in front of my face my left side went weak(the stroke). shortly after my heart hurt identical to that of heart burn except intense. i couldnt breathe. i collapsed over dead.

if we are talking fortunate events, an employee at the bar where my friends band was playing that night had found me and ran inside to tell the manager, " someone is laying on the ground and they dont look so good." a friend from the colorado film school where i was studyuing at was nearby at this time and ran outside to stay with me. my friend who was playing on stage found at andcame outside. everyone thought i was just drunk buthe insisted on calling theambulance as i was just speaking with him maybe 5 minutes before.

while this was happening my body had left the scene. shortly after i collapsed and i saw the silhouette of my arm, my spirit completely left my body and what i saw was similar to the big bang. everything i saw in color burst out into space to become stars in the universe. i was looking at a fixed point in space. this fixed point was a color dot getting bigger and wider. i was being pulled towards it. as i became closer, this color dot opened wider and my spirit sped up going through it. my spirit must have blacked out going through this which i now call a worm hole. i woke up on a beach somewhere unknown to me with a sun setting over the ocean horizon making the water look like it was on fire. there was a second bigger brighter son off to my right. they were both shining down rays of unconditional love! everything negative, hateful, fearful of this world gone as if it never existed yes, even war! everything i ever felt guilty for - gone as if it never existed! forgiven, forgotten. there was an entity/spirit walking out of the water towards me. while i was laying there on the beach, i asked as if telepathically since i had no vocals in this realm, " where is god, jesus? i need to talk to them." i looked at this entity coming towards me and asked him if he were god or jesus? his eyes looked down and kinda sad. i took that as a no. as i was taking in my new environment i had a universal feeling/knowledge come over me that everything was god. at this point i heard a females voice beginning to pray. it was cut off as if i was not supposed to hear it. suddenly, the layer of sky i was looking at soaking in the love filled with tiny squiggly red lightning looking bolts. this went away fairly quickly. i looked back out at the suns as it felt like a considerable time had passed - the suns never got any lower, and never set my entire experience there! i was experiencing eterny. the sky filled again with the red lighting bolts and was zapped straight back into my body. my left side where my heart is stung something fierce( the 2nd heart attack). i was put on a stretcher and into the ambulance. a month later, i heard my once fiance's voice talking to me in the hospital to come back, she was sorry(blaming herself) if not for her, for our cat Yoda. i woke up then in the hospital room to her crying.

there are some on facebook who have heard my story before. if you have noticed a change in details - it is not purposefully done. i have tried to get my account as accurately as possible. some events have been removed to get to the long and short of what happened to me. some of these events i have taken out i can discuss about and post when i remember them.

i have gone to the extent of trying not to believe any of this was real. but its unshakable of that all encompassing more real than seeing the words on this screen.

right before i left the beach i had heard a voice go through my entire sense of being that i could come back any time i wanted EVEN by way of suicide if necessary! these words have plagued me since.

lastly before the last moment of red lightning bolts i had telepathically said, " apparently im not in hell, is there a hell?" instantly with the red lightning bolts a view of earth from space was revealed! this says a lot to me that is hard to swallow for many. even other experiencers.

now before i wrap this up, the answer of jesus was given to me by jesus joining with me. i was given and experienced 1st person memories of being jesus. 1. standing on a street in a town looking up an inclined street with something hanging on my back(the cross?) 2. hanging on the cross and when that body died, the spirit/soul went down through the earth. why i was given "1st person" memories of being jesus still eludes me. i did not necessarily ask for them. i needed clarification on whether or not jesus existed. i take this as my answer that he did. i did share thought and knowledge with him too. i recently i found out why i have 1st person memories of being jesus: i am a twin soul, different body of jesus. so i am him, just not the whole, complete him.

this is my experience in a nutshell. the details are getting difficult for me to recall as time has passed. so this will most likely be my last time sharing from start to finish. questions are welcomed.
thank you for reading!

this entire experience and the aftermath im left with is my struggle.