My Metal Box Of Conformity

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Oh So strangE indeeD, Dec 30, 2004.

  1. definitely not my best poem..it was actually a writer's block break...so its pretty much crap anyway...any feedback would be cool

    Trapped within this metal box
    Shutting out the light
    Living claustrophobically
    too scared, too weak to fight

    I once pounded on the iron walls
    till I broke and bled
    Crippled now - too frail to stand
    My iron floor stained red

    These silver walls now laugh at me
    A glinting cheshire cat
    That smiles as I die slowly
    Wearing a Madman's hat

    But the torture worst of all
    Is hearing the decietful drone
    That locked me in this metal box
    The Voice that is my own

    I am my captor
    I am my slave
    I am hiding the heart - that begs to be saved

    I am sprawled on my deathbed
    Lying word by word
    I am screaming the truth inside
    but through iron, it cant be heard

    I am the fading soul
    Alone I sit and cry
    for my voice doesn't know
    that without me, it shall die

    for a body devoid of a soul
    is like love without a heart
    theres nothing to pump the emotion
    they cannot exist apart

    I wish I could see the truth
    But the false voice still talks
    So I lie and die, alone
    Inside my metal box
     
  2. I loved the melodic rhythm in your poem. The words were very meaningful to me, as I feel that in my own life at this point. Keep up the good writing. You really have talent.
     

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