My Mental History.

I can't be taking that Olanzapine anymore. Not for the rest of my life. Not even for a month, week or hour. It caused permanent damage to my feet, and possibly hand. It is endangering my health and life even as we speak. It probably caused brain damage in 1984. It was never meant to be taken by someone like me with Cerebral Palsy anyways. And if they didn't know that by 1984, they did in 1986 with those two EEG's they gave me, and then lied to me about the results. That is why Cerebral Palsy is such a pivotal issue here. It's an inconvenient truth. They don't want anyone to know. But I know, and I won't stop repeating it till the day I die. Along with all the horrible abuse I experienced by the medical authorities, starting in grade school with that teacher who slapped me at age 7, and that boy in the 8th grade who became homicidal when other boys thought about him. And then in that hospital in 1988 and 9, and all the other people in that city, like the police and merchants.

And I am not a suicidal risk. I just don't want to be in unbearable pain that never ends, with no hope of any quality of life. I never wanted to die. That long list of people made me feel there was no other choice. And I'm not morally weak. I'm a better person than most. People lied, and lie, about me to cover their mistakes and misdeeds. And now they are trying to limit my rights and options, and make me desperate, by taking away my car again.

I want all this secret guardian nonsense, and all the other secrecy, to end. And I don't have access to the court system. Everyone is just part of the deception even when I need help, like with that clinic I went to in July. They seemed like nice people. But I went there to be helped. And I never would have even gone there if I knew they were just going to lie to me about my neuropathy again, playing along with the deception. And then gather information on me, possibly to be used against me.

I need something done now, and preferably before Trump and his justice department are in power. I can't afford a lawyer anyways. And even if I could, he'd just play along.

 

My friend recently told me he saw no signs of Cerebral Palsy in me. I don't know. An upperclassman at that grade school used to call me "Skippy", short for Skippy Peanut Butter. He said because I skipped when I ran. I had no idea what he was talking about. And like I told one of my doctors, when I was a boy, I used to look down. And I saw I was walking on the balls of my feet. Again, I didn't even know I was doing that.

Also, before 2011 when my doctor told me a EEG showed I had birth trauma and Cerebral Palsy, I used to watch the video for Madonna's "Oh Father". And in the final scene when she's walking to her mother's grave, I used to think. She was walking like I do sometimes. Because she is walking thru snow:



if that means anything.

EDIT: It won't space up to my point: 4:25 in the video.

 

should people with Cerebral Palsy [be treated with] neuroleptics?

AI Overview

People with cerebral palsy (CP) may be prescribed a variety of medications to treat symptoms, but antipsychotic drugs are not typically used and can have serious adverse reactions in people with multiple disabilities and mental disorders:

Diazepam
A short-term antispasticity treatment that the American Academy of Neurology recommends for children with CP

Clonazepam
A benzodiazepine drug that can be used to treat dystonia and epileptic seizures in children with CP

Trihexyphenidyl
A first-line agent that can be used to treat dystonia in children with CP

Anticholinergic medications
Can be used to treat muscle spasms, tremors, drooling, and uncontrollable limb and facial movements
Barbiturates and benzodiazepines

Can be used to treat seizures by slowing the activity of the brain and nervous system

Keppra
An anticonvulsant medication that can be used to prevent seizure activity in children with CP
Children and adolescents with multiple disabilities and mental disorders (CAMD) are particularly susceptible to serious adverse drug reactions (sADRs) to antipsychotic drugs.

Medications for Cerebral Palsy - Helping Manage Symptoms

This is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or diagnosis, consult a professional. Generative AI is experimental.

 

I was talking with my doctor today. And I agree I will always need a little help. And if that is because it was determined by a court I need a legal guardian for my finances, I'd be the first to agree. I do need a little help especially with that. Maybe I even need a legal guardian. I think most of my problems are psychological. And I didn't even know I had Cerebral Palsy before 2011. But not a secret legal guardian.

The legal guardian I have is heartless and cruel. He thinks handicapped people being abused and neglected is funny. And he's always trying to get rid of me, whatever way he can. I don't know why he told me that, more than once, about being abused and neglected. But as I told my doctor, even if I was an evil person, that last one just is never right. But I'm not a bad person. I'm a very good person. I've never even spent the night in jail. My doctor agree with me. My doctor agrees with all that. My doctor agrees I have a legal guardian. But my doctor also seems to indicate we're back to pretending I don't have Cerebral Palsy. Cerebral Palsy is clearly pivotal to my case. And psychological abuse, putting me in danger, and people lying about me.

I can clearly tell my CP is very important to this situation, though nobody in my life confirms that. But I'm not falling for it. Also I know, I was kept in a constant state of panic, and clearly driven to thoughts of suicide since grade school. Not because I am morally weak. But because I am quite the contrary, with what people were doing to me. My driving seems to be important. It's so moronic, pointless and unfair. And people keep bringing it up again, for 20 years now, and always when I least suspect it. I'd lose my independence and all medical consent if I lost my car. And it would be dangerous to live where I do without one. But my guardian still seems to be thinking it over for some reason. That nonsense began around 2005. And nothing involving my driving or driving ability happened then

As I've told my therapist and others. I want something done about all of this by next year.

 

Yeah, my feet aren't getting better. They may even be getting worse. I don't know, but I know they're not improving. If I lost my ability to drive, as I recently told a doctor's office, or if I even had to have someone take care of me, I'd lose all medical consent.

And, that clinic I saw in July, I don't know what their role was in all of this. If medical personnel have to collect evidence, for a court, for any reason, that's one thing. But speaking generally now, if they are harming someone in any way, deliberate or knowingly, I think they should be held accountable. Medical staff should never harm anyone in any way, they should never take a part in any abuse of any person, especially the vulnerable. They should always be neutral in any conflict or situation, as I tell people. That's why during time of war cars and vans displaying the red cross can never be fired upon. They should never even take part in any abuse of any prisoner, even one who did a serious crime.

I remember from 1996 to 1998, they were talking about the Susan McDougal case. She refused to cooperate with independent prosecutor Ken Starr during the Whitewater affair, and she eventually spent 22 months in jail on contempt of court charges. But while there, they used things like denying her pain medicine, and other medical care. Her case involved the abuse of prisoners, and how far authorities can go to harass them, if they feel the need to. But I remember I thought at the time what they did to her was very wrong. And really it didn't matter what she did, or really if she was guilty or not. You should never harm a prisoner. And under no circumstances should the medical community take part in their abuse or neglect.

As I was telling people earlier tonight, if any member of the medical community deliberately takes part in the abuse or neglect of any person, whatever their reason for doing it, they should be held accountable. And frankly even if they are decent people, who normally help people who are sick or in need, then in my opinion they should receive a stiffer penalty. Because they knew better than to do that. For shame.

 

There's another thing about that clinic that I went to in July. They seemed so nice and helpful. They told me they found no signs of neuropathy in my feet, and I later found my insurance supposedly denied me coverage for their treatment. My doctors soon told me the truth. They definitely would have found that I still had neuropathy in my feet. And about being denied treatment there due to insurance. If they were never planning on treating me there to begin with, if that's the reason why my insurance was supposedly denied, I think they should be help accountable. With whatever criminal or other penalty that applies. Like I said, if they were following a court order to collect evidence, that's one thing. But I went there to be helped. I never would have gone there to begin with if they were only collecting evidence, with no intention of helping me.

They seemed nice when I was there. And I probably won't go back there, so it doesn't matter now if I could get treatment there. But medical staff should never take part in harm or neglect done to a patient. Especially someone like me, who has Cerebral Palsy. And who has done nothing wrong, and nothing to deserve all of this. I don't know, but I think people have just been lying me since 8th grade, or maybe before. I've never been in trouble with the law. Look it up if you want to see.

But people like that need to be held accountable for their actions. Medical staff are always there to help. There are no exceptions to that rule.

 

I was on time with all my developmental milestones. I was reading by age 6, on a first grade level of course. But by the end of kindergarten I had the necessary skills to read. Our kindergarten teacher Miss Rogers covered a letter a day. I still remember, on a large banner over the front black board. So I knew every sound of the alphabet by age 5. I could do long algebra equations in HS and long Calculus equations in U of M/Dearborn. I could write a moderately difficult computer program at U of M too. I can actually learn some pretty complex stuff, if I'm fed the information slowly. This could also be due to my Schizotypal Personality Disorder. And now I know I have Cerebral Palsy too, and autism. Which can cause problems with functioning.

And I can read road signs that are a paragraph long in a glance. I've been driving since 1989 and I have an excellent driving record, better than most actually. So why do people think I am so stupid? They talk to me like a child. And they've been trying to take away my driver's license for 20 years now. Finally, one young cop told me I should let them because without a car I'd be so much happier. No I won't be. It would dangerous to live where I do without a car. And I do very little in the city itself.

I'm still trying to figure what that is all about. You know, even in places like Michigan, if you have an intellectual disability, you have the right to do things like drive. You have the same rights as anyone else, until the opposite is proven.

 

Also, I need therapy for my feet now. They're not getting better. But I can still drive with diabetic boots. My doctor said my insurance will only pay for one pair of diabetic shoes. I need boots for walking thru snow. And like I told a doctor's office once, I feel safer waking thru snow sometimes in the winter. It gives me more traction, and it's softer to land in if I fall. So maybe I'll carry the boots with me in my car, and change them with my new shoes as needed. But I'll need therapy for my feet starting now.

And if all that clinic I went to in July was doing was collecting evidence against me, that causes problems. Because I think it would be better to spend that time getting therapy, instead of doing that. I just don't have time for things like that. I'm sorry. With Cerebral Palsy I'm often late. So I have to use my time wisely, and not for things like that.

But I need therapy as soon as possible. Why wouldn't my insurance cover it? Would it be not effective? Or, maybe a new Cerebral Palsy and autism disability status would get me better health coverage.

 

I was also thinking. Some of my IQ problems (if I have any) may just involve social skills. I know once when I was 6, my mother knew my aunt was going to give me the same gift (a small transistor radio) that she had already given me. My mother told me when you get the gift, just pretend like you don't have it and always wanted it. But when I did that, I overacted a little and my aunt could tell something was wrong.

It kind reminds me of the two-part episode of "Married... With Children" in September, 1994 "Business Sucks". When Al Bundy sees a woman publicly breast-feeding in the store, Al will not stand for it, and kicks her out. The woman returns accompanied by Al's radical feminist neighbor Marcy D'Arcy. Marcy confronts Al on his sexist attitude toward women and their duties as mothers. Al continues to stand his ground, which leads to a battle between Al's friends and Marcy.

Anyways in the second part, Al turns the store into a men's shoe store. But Gary the owner plans an unexpected visit to the store, so Al paints the men's shoes and tries passes them off as women's shoes for Gary's visit. He asks his daughter Kelly to show up too and pretend to be a woman customer. But Kelly doesn't do a good job of acting, as this dialogue from that episode shows:

"Excuse me, Mr. Shoe Daddy... what a wonderful selection of women's shoes. I think I'll take this lovely wiener pair. They're so... women's. Well, that's probably because this is a woman's shoe store. How much do I owe you?"
"Oh, you could never repay me. Miss, uh...?"
"Bundy. Anyway, as a satisfied woman customer, in this, a women's shoe store, I insist that I pay. [counts imaginary money] Five, ten, fifteen..."
"What are you doin'?"
"Waiting for my change."
"Get out!"
"I guess I'll see you at home then."
"You betcha."
"Now, sweetheart, do me a favor and leave the oven on for Daddy, would you?"

 

Speaking of consent. Back in 1992, people like my doctor said I was refusing all treatment. Not so. People were making wild claims and bizarre accusations. Like that I was wearing plastic gloves that would lead to infection and death, and my hands were turning blue, and I was washing my hands many times a day. All of those things were false. But I was trying to compromise and be cooperative. I finally agreed to go back to that hospital in the Summer of 1992, ironically the one I was severely abused in psychologically in 1988 and 9. Then the claims and accusations became more bizarre. They suddenly started claiming I was becoming even less compliant. I wasn't, the claims and demands were just becoming more bizarre and outrageous. Then they tried to involuntarily commit me. But the police got lost and took me to the wrong hospital, and then turned around in the car and asked me if I knew the way there. And finally once there, I just walked away. And no one, even the police, tried to stop me. Probably because they saw how silly all of it was.

Then I was forcibly medicated with Mellaril, a medicine I never needed, never should have been taking, and which made me gain a lot of weight by 1994. I still took it though. Now I find by about 15-20 years ago my doctors knew from the hair loss on the bottom on my legs I had diabetes and neuropathy by then. They didn't do anything yet, and they never told me that. And I would have put an end to that nonsense right there. I would have at least demanded they stopped giving me that medicine, Zyprexa by then.

And now I have permanent damage to my feet, and everyone is still lying me. I went to that clinic in July for help. I would have never gone there if I knew they were just collecting evidence. And then I learned my insurance won't even cover that place. Or so I was told. I would have never consenting to any of that to begin with, that's all I know. I don't know if I have intellectual impairment or if I look to people like I am very low in intelligence, like they started telling me in 1988 or 9. But I know I would have made better decisions in my life that other people did, including the doctors, and never would have allowed any of this, if I just knew.

And now as far as I know, everything is back to normal, the secrecy is back (if you can call it that, now that I know) and nothing will ever change. I want all this nonsense to end, I want the secrecy to end, and I want full medical consent in everything. Even if I have some intellectual impairment, I am fully capable of making my own decisions. And I am not suicidal, I was just deliberately mentally abused and led to believe since grade that the pain would never end and I would have no hope of any quality of life. If they want to debate that, I will. And if they don't tell others, including the courts, I will too.

And BTW, my legal guardian today told me that no one is trying to take away my car. Now he tells me? Obviously because someone told him to. And that's not what he told me last. He told me last that it was always a possibility. He might just decide to do it later. And plus I think everyone will agree with me on this, why should I believe him? He's probably just lying again.

 

Just to make clear, the last thing my legal guardian told me was taking away my car will always be an option for him. He paused and thought about it, like someone told him not to say it. Then said something about a group home. If he sent me against my wishes to a group home, he said, he might have to take away the car. As I said, I'd lose all medical consent in group home. And I'd be at the mercy of whatever reckless thing people like my legal guardian are doing at the time.

 

AI Overview

An estimate for the percentage of Detroiters who drive without auto insurance is closer to 60%, which is four times higher than the national average. In Michigan, it's estimated that 20% of drivers are driving without insurance, which is also higher than the national average.

In Michigan, it's illegal to drive without auto insurance. If convicted, you may face: up to $500 in fines, up to one year of jail time, and both.

Yeah, and my neighbors were trying to take away my driving privileges from me. The last time my car was in the shop, some of my neighbors were pointing at me and laughing because they thought I finally lost my car.

 

I don't know if I should say this. But my feet aren't getting better now. In fact they may be getting worse, although I can still drive with diabetic boots. I need to start therapy now, if it'll help. As I said, I don't know if I should say this. But if that clinic I went to in July was breaking the law or guilty of some patient or handicapped person's rights abuse, they could give me therapy there in lieu of getting in any trouble. I don't think I really ever want to go back there. And like I said, I'm finding it harder and harder to be on time for things now these days. The only reason why I made an effort to get out there was because I thought they were going to help me, not gather information.

And now I am going to be self-cathetering for life. (And my doctor's receptionist joked he's really planning on putting a permanent catheter in me against my wishes, last time I called.) And I am still trying to figure out why my insurance won't cover therapy for a problem I obviously have. Or why I don't have the status of Cerebral Palsy, when they must have known since 1986 with those EEG's, if not long before, with things like my frequent urination at age 9, that I told everyone about even then. I need all that stuff now.

 

I got a letter recently from someone saying that I am still spending too much. I don't think I am. I think I've curbed my spending a lot. It almost sounds like someone is trying to put me in a state of panic again. Or harass me. I'm used to that, so I certainly know the signs. Am I going to be going thru that for the rest of my life? I just don't think it's necessary and very wrong.

 

Yeah, people have always treated me differently. For example, I had an uncle who would pretend to cry at funerals. But in a overdramatic obvious way. He did it at my mother's funeral in 1996. No one said anything. Of course I was very upset by my mother's loss, and they did say something to me. I was nervously pacing around and they all kept telling me to sit down already. True story.

 

And another thing too. If I knew that that Olanzapine had led to Type II Diabetes and neuropathy when the hair loss on my legs began, which as I said, I think was about 15-20 years ago, I would have done something right then. At least complained to my doctor and told him to take me off it. I was reading online recently, they are never supposed to forcibly medicate you if it's damaging your body in any way. Not even if you're a danger to yourself or others. And I'm not even that. Even sex offenders who receive chemical castration have more rights than me. I'm treated differently, my life and safety are being put at risk. Clearly people like that court, the police and my legal guardian just view me as having less worth, less rights. What else could it be? Even people on death row are treated with more respect and exposed to less danger from dangerous drugs and medical treatments than me. And I need that stupid forcible medication order to stop right now. It's been going on for over 30 years, and it never should have begun. I need all my rights of legal adulthood and consent restored, immediately. I can't wait till Trump takes office even. And I need to have that secret legal guardianship of me ended at once too. I agree I will always need a little help. And maybe I am intellectually handicapped, along with Cerebral Palsy and autism. I don't know. That can be worked out later. And I will always need my legal guardian on the trust. But he will have to be watched. And I can't for all the above to end. It has to end now. And I need to start therapy now for my feet and diabetic wounds on my legs. They're not serious yet, but they're not getting better. And no one seems to care.

 

Also, like I said, my doctors all started warning me a couple of years ago. About my secret legal guardian of course. My therapist in 2011 started filling me in about the way my case was handled secretly by the mental health system where I live. Starting at age 7, he told me. Which was also when my teacher slapped me and almost ruptured my eardrum, because she said a 50 lb. 7 year old was sexually assaulting her. I think that may have started a lot of misinformation in my life, because my therapist finally told me about that in 2011. No, I wasn't hugging her butt because I was sexually assaulting her. I can't look people in the face, so I obviously have autism, one doctor pointed out. And I used to walk on the balls of my feet as a child without even knowing it. Well, that's obviously Cerebral Palsy, a doctor pointed out. And then that boy in my 8th grade wanted to kill me because I thought of him. And he had me given involuntary mental treatment for note passing. But I still wonder if that's what he really told people, or that school I went to. That school was very homophobic, and they were responsible for a lot of my psychological abuse growing up too.

But my doctors finally warned me a couple of years ago, I could tell at great legal risk to them. Because they knew my legal guardian was misusing his power in some terrible way, because they knew my case was being horribly mismanaged, and because they knew I was smart enough to piece everything together myself. Even though that court thinks I have the mind of a child, and need a secret legal guardian (who did very poorly in school himself, and still wets his bed sometimes). And now people are back to telling me that my overspending is an issue for some reason, and that they may have to do something about. I don't know what they mean. I think I am curbing my spending now. Plus my main concern now is treating my feet and diabetic wounds. But everyone else in my life seems to have different priorities.

 

Also, I won't go into too much detail. But I just emailed my therapist. And they literally endanger my safety, with some of the moronic things they do at local libraries. And this has been going on for over 20 years now. The attorney general of Michigan told me that she's looking into the matter and I told others. And now something is going on at the libraries. The staff there is treating me differently and complaining that I am annoying them, basically because of things related to my Cerebral Palsy. As I said, I may have to take legal action some day. I might have no choice. That's all I'll say.

 

My legal guardian just emailed me. He's not admitting any fault, and he still won't admit he is my secret legal guardian. But he says, in a casual manner, he sick of all of this and just wants to walk away. I don't think I could take care of myself without him and the trust. He never was much of a trustee. But without him and the trust set up like it is, I would probably become homeless. I've never lived as an adult without a parent or the trust to take care of me. And no one seems to care when I tell them this, nothing is being done. And now he says with a yawn, he just wants to walk away.

 

Like I've said, people who work for the medical profession should always remain neutral in every issue, political and moral. And they should always be there only to help. Never to harm and never to take part in something like patient's rights abuse. That's why cars and trucks must never be fired upon when they display the red cross, even in war. I was watching a show once on a Sharia law country in the middle east. I think it was Iran. And they were treating patients for HIV/AIDS infection. And they interviewed a female doctor. You know, there gay sex is punishable by death. But she said, she would never judge the men she treated, in any way. She was only there to help them. And during the Second Gulf War, a female service person was captured by the Iraqis. There was some concern how she was treated in the Iraqi hospital she ended up in. But she said she was treated very nicely. One nurse there used to come to her room and sing her lullabies and rub baby powder on her. Medical staff must never harm. And they should only be there to help, and to improve the quality of their patients lives too.

Like I said, I think a lot about the abuse I received over the years thru the mental health system. I also sometimes wonder if that still happened recently in some places. People in the medical field who claim to be there to help me. But who only take part in some patients' rights abuse. Maybe even some I'm not aware of yet.