So in the start, my wife picked a guy to share me with. There has been others, but for some time, this one guy has been exclusive. He told me this evening, after a really long session, that he loves me. He doesnt want anyone else involved with us, including my wife. He told me that he doesnt fuck me, he makes love to me. I picked up on his feelings some time ago, when we started kissing during sex. He isn't bi, hes gay. I share his feelings. The problem I have, is not that I dont feel the same....its that I'm married to a woman. Probably the most amazing woman I have ever met. I love both of these people, and I connect sexually far better to my guy than my wife. I feel terrible. I want to be honest with her, and intend to tell her how i feel. I know no matter how I do this, I'll be hurting her.
I'm sad for you and I feel your pain ....when you have been in a long relationship it's difficult to tell a partner. From reading your posts though she is, how can I say, "streetwise", as far as alternative sex goes, so that hopefully the two of you can move to a more platonic relationship while enjoying a good sex life with your lover. Good luck, Simon
No problem really. You just have to be frank about it and where it could or could not go. My wife approved of my bi exploration and we both agreed on terms. In your case, maybe your wife expects it. Be truthful to your wife and yourself. Wouldn't she want you be that way and wouldn't you want the same from her?
But you said you do "share his feelings." Is it possible that this guy could have made you realize that you're actually gay, and not necessarily bisexual? How did you feel about him not wanting anyone else involved with you two, including your wife? It's obvious that you and him share a "special" connection. Do you love him like he loves you? If so, it's probably time to have a heart to heart conversation with your wife. Would it be possible no longer have threesomes with him and your wife, while maintaining your marriage, and also your relationship with him?
Making love to your man and realizing it's more than just sex doesn't necessarily have to spell doom and gloom for your marriage. Confronting your TRUE feelings within yourself is probably gonna be even harder than having a conversation with your wife. You've already admitted that you connect far better sexually with him than you do with her, so even if you're not 100% gay (at least sexually), it's safe to say you're bisexual with homo romantic tendencies. Do you have sex/make love to him or her more frequently? This could be a big factor in deciding who and what you prefer overall. Maybe your wife already kinda suspects what you've stated here. She already knows you and him are having one-on-one sex (or does she?) And It's not uncommon for two people who have sex together to develop intimate/romantic feelings for each other. Maybe she's ok with her husband having gay sex with another man, maybe not. Only she can answer that. Does she know that you connect sexually better with him than you do with her? Have you considered giving her the freedom to persue other people (men or women) that she'd connect better sexually with as well? Remember, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Before talking to your wife though, you should probably admit to yourself (over and over again) that you're falling in love with and enjoying gay sex with your man more than you enjoy sex with your wife. You're self acceptance should come first and foremost. Unless you were to come out to your wife as 100% gay, then hopefully there should be some level of acceptance from your wife. I can't say for sure, and only you and her know how "accepting" of the situation she REALLY is. Good luck! And remember, there's nothing wrong with falling in love with and making love to your man, even if you're wife isn't as supportive and encouraging of it as you're hoping she'll be.
A hard thing for me to do was to tell my wife that I was in love with a guy (who was also her friend). Told her how I felt about him and that we'd been having sex and I waited for the shit to hit the fan. Instead, she said, "I think it's cute!" then let me know that she knew that our friend - my new boyfriend - had the hots for me and was developing deep feelings for me. It didn't affect my marriage because while I loved him and loved having sex with him, there was no "comparing" him against my wife because, duh, two very different people and only thing my boyfriend did that my wife rarely did was to suck me off. I understood that loving him had nothing to do with loving my wife and they both understood this as well.
Your wife obviously already knows you're having sex with him, so she knows at minimum that you're bisexual. Even though he's gay, were you having threesomes with him and your wife, or was/is it that your wife wants to join you and him for sex? I can't imagine a gay man wanting your wife to join the two of you when "making love." I'm thinking that would probably make him a bit uncomfortable. Sounds like it's time for a deep, heart-to-heart conversation with your wife. It's not uncommon to develop feelings for someone you're having sex with regularly, even if it's another man. Telling your wife that you're falling in love with another guy is probably going to be a slippery slope, and it wouldn't be surprising if she were to make accusations of you "being gay", even if you're NOT. With him actually being gay, I can't say I blame him for not wanting your wife involved in your love making sessions. He obviously wants one-on-one man-to-man sex, and isn't sexually attracted to women, which you've probably known for a while now, and since you're the one who "brought him in", you should either knowledge and respect that, or let him go. Would your wife possibly accept you having a one-on-one "gay relationship" with your man, and keeping it completely separate from you marriage? Connecting with and developing feelings (falling in love) with a gay man while married to a great woman is gonna be tricky to manage Another suggestion would be to spill your guts to your wife, and give her the same freedom and encourage her to seek another man or woman to also meet her NEEDS/desires, just as you have with this other man. It's highly unlikely your wife will be accepting and encourage your one-on-one "gay relationship" unless her NEEDS are being met as well.
