My life is an indie comedy

So, I have not had a working cell phone for about a month now. I'm waiting for a new one to be sent to me. My phone is a touch screen and the screen is completely out, black. The phone turns on but I can't text or make out going calls (I can't see the numbers on the screen).
Well, I got a phone call this morning. The ringer works and the only thing I am able to do is answer the phone because I know about where to flick the touch screen to answer. I had no idea who was calling me and the reception was bad and I couldn't hear her very well so I decided to step outside on my balcony.


I live on the third floor in my apartment building.

I also have a 1 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter.

Apparently, my 2 year old now knows how to lock the balcony door.

She locked me out.

It was kinda funny.

At first.

So it was a telemarketer on the phone and I talked to her for a minute and I was actually interested because they were claiming to help with prescription costs and then she asked me if I have a pen so I could write down her name and number. "Um, nope.......(pause) my toddler actually locked me outside." Then she says, "Well you do have caller I.D. on your phone, correct?" Then I say, "Actually, nope........(pause) my touch screen is black and I can't see who is calling." She awkwardly chuckled. I asked if she could just call back in a couple of days...

Being onthe third floor, these limited options crossed my mind.
1. Wait, because my roommate actually works at the apartment complex and periodically will stop by the apartment sometimes throughout the day (though today happen to be a day where he was really busy and hasn't been able to get a break...) 2. Coach my 2 year old in learning how to un-lock the door 3. Frantically push the black screen on my phone and hope that I will get a hold of either my roommate or someone that could call my roommate to have him come up and unlock the door 4. Spiderman this third floor shit 5. YELL HELP!!!!!!!!
​

I did the first three. Though I looked down and hoped I would see someone I know and tell them I'm locked out. However, I do live in a retirement community and the chances of them hearing me are very slim. (I only get to live here cuz my roommate works here). I watched as one elderly man walked by in the distance, my only hope, I didn't say anything because there was really no chance he'd hear me. This made me laugh.

I was out on the balcony, under the sun, my bare feet burning on the concrete, for about 30 minutes. Kids were alright, chilling in an air conditioned room, lying back on the floor, watching Yo Gabba Gabba. The cat seemed to be the only one starting to slightly panic. He was meowing and pacing and then went to the bedroom and into the window and just stared at me...

I frantically pushed invisible buttons on my phone, hoping I would somehow dial my roommate or someone that could call my roommate for me and tell him I'm locked out.

"Ello'" a voice on the other end said, it caught me off guard...
"HELLO???" I said, surprised
"Ello?"
"WHO IS THIS??"
"This is Roma Indian" (accent)
"WHO DID I CALL???"
"This is Roma Indian Cuisine"
(oh god, I thought to myself, that's right, I ordered indian food the other day..)

Long pause.

me: "OH OK"

(lmao)
then I hung up..I thought about asking him if he could do me a favor and call my roommate but I did not want to confuse the man or make him think it was a prank phone call...

I knocked on the glass door and motioned to my 2 year old to unlock the door. She just stared blankly.


I continued pushing the touch screen on my phone..I was starting to panic now because I was worried my kids might get into something.

Finally after a bunch of error calls, there was some ringing and I recognized my roommates number when it was read off on the voicemail system. Yeah! Voicemail! He didn't pick up the phone!! I tried leaving a message and the stupid robotic voice just kept saying "Sorry, I didn't get that, please try again later"

Really?

I had to go pee now.

I punched my touch screen with my fingers.
Ringing.
My best friend answered.

"Stacey?" I probably sounded like I had been stranded somewhere for hours and hours.

Stacey: "Yeah?"
me: Demon child locked me out on the balcony...

we started cracking up
but then we both sounded worried and I told her to call up my roommate and so in about 10 minutes, I was inside again...

I picked up the roll of duct tape my 1 year old had and took my laptop from the 2 year old.


My life is an indie comedy. I have so many funny stories, ones much more interesting than this.

 

that tale has made my day

 

My life is a Surrealist tragicomedy...It's a shame we can't get together Rainy and shoot a $1000 art movie.As Jean-Luc Godard said,all you need to make a film is girl and a gun...

 

tl;dr

 

I would say my life is mostly indie dark comedy or indie romantic comedy..
I have sooo many movie ideas, inspired by my life. I often feel like I'm in a movie and when I hang out with people they're always saying "this feels like a movie."

I'm the lead quirky indie comedy actress.

Hey, I thought it was all you need is a pretty girl, a police man, and a park?

 

is this why you haven't been responding to all my texts?

 

Actually...It was "All you need is a girl and a gun"...But "All you need is a pretty girl and a park" sounds more like my bag.Maybe we could use a water pistol or something.

 

oh okay, I didn't even notice the name you quoted at first but I went back and see now you're quoting Jean Luc.
I'm referring to a Charlie Chaplin quote.

 

That's a good one, Rainy. One time my ex could not get the bathroom door open after taking a shower. She had to climb out of the bathroom window naked and run around the house to get in the front door, to the whistles of some tourists passing by!! You'd be out 'a luck being up 3 stories.

 

I've got a bunch of odd anecdotes as well. I don't have many surrounding children, so they don't come into my stories often. Most relate around living in a big city and delivery and drugs and parties and festivals.

 

lol....

remind me never to hang out with you.

 

ha ha

I swear, I get into the strangest situations and they're always straight out of a movie.

Then when I hang out with people, they're usually either excited or overwhelmed with whatever crazyness we end up in

then I'm like, "you don't do stuff like this??" or.."this has never happened to you before?"

I always get no responses..


Somebody needs to give me my own reality show or something.

 

My daughter once locked me and her dad out. I was doing laundry and he was out smoking a cigarette. After she locked us out, she then started crying. I think she was around 2 too, maybe a bit younger. John had to break in through our bathroom window.

 

I locked my cousin in the washing machine when we were kids. It was one of those washers with a round window and door. She climbed inside and I closed the door, and then it wouldn't open and we started panicking. Luckily my aunt was home and she came out and got the door open.

 

...
remind me never to hang out with you

 

Best part.

 

I was with my 16 year old girlfriend and we got locked out of my house.I was pretty wired by this time.Nicola was all set to go and meet her Mum at Debbie Goodge's house.She is the bass player for My Bloody Valentine.I begged Nicola to take me with her but I was her first boyfriend and she was nervous about me meeting her Mum.Nicola left me standing there...There then unravelled a kind of psychotic breakdown on my part and I've been recovering ever since.This whole period is coloured by a marijuana haze that leaves even me baffled as to its causes and consequences.I'm so glad it is all a long way behind me now.Imagine a World where you could leave your door open and not worry about anyone breaking in.My Mum grew up in this kind of village.There is so much good to be found in the past.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4-5gHR3_Kg"]My Bloody Valentine - Soon - YouTube

 

don't think anybody cares what you don't or can't read.

so give Rain some repect, and don't submit reply to try and give yourself more credibility.

 

hmmm
I'm thinking that band is too big to get the rights to use their music in our future indie film, but who knows, maybe..