My heart hurts...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by grim_rebel, May 22, 2004.

  1. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    I'm in a sort of dilemma here. I feel as if two people should be friends first before a relationship, does anyone else agree? Sadly, even after repeatedly telling myself to be patient, i just can't... even though i'd give up anything for this girl.

    Right, well here's my story, I warn you that it's quite long.

    Let me start by saying that I haven't had any serious relationships. I usually just hook up with girls, or at most, go out with them for one, two, maybe three weeks. My longest relationship has been in the range of one month. I guess in this respect one can call me a 'player'. Anyways, I really don't know what to do. This girl and I have been driving each other fucking crazy. She wants to be friends but has admitted feeling more for me, I want a relationship. Am I trying to move too fast? She's a beautiful girl and I suppose there is some tinge of jealousy involved in being friends and the possibility of her getting with some guy while we're only 'friends'. Even when she's told me that she feels more for me! I mean, she has told me, and I can see that she has made sacrifices to be 'friends'. She liked this guy for a long time and i just popped up into the scene and talked to her (we happen to share a car to school and back) seriously, not like in the past as acquaintances. Well, i realized that i had very strong feelings for this girl and only wanted her to be happy. I set her free and she went with that guy for about a day, until 'breaking-up' with him to be 'friends' with me. What's that supposed to mean?

    So like I said, we've been driving each other crazy. During classes we make eye contact, ignore each other, she said i made her stop eating, i've started working out again to release stress... She doesn't know what she wants, I try and play the friendship side but I want more... We go out and get drunk together but I haven't touched her, i suppose out of respect or proof that I want more than just the physical. So supposedly i made up my mind two days ago to just forget it, ignore the bitch and simply move on. She apparantly did not want this and sent me a crazy-long ALL CAPS message demanding an answer to my actions. As things went on, we became more emotional only to have her tell me that she really wanted me as a friend. I proceeded to tell her to fuck off and blow a random guy, i don't care, even when i did. Well i apologized, bought her a rose etc... This is all narrative.

    The point is, what does it mean when a girl just wants to be friends? And sacrifices someone she likes to be 'friends' with me? I don't mind being friends as a starting foundation for a relationship, but real friends don't get uber-jealous when another 'friend' gets with someone. And i know that i'd die if she got with someone under the pretense that it didn't matter since we were only friends. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????? Things are all settled at the moment, we're 'friends' and i'll be as nice to her as possible, buy her flowers and take her out to dinner. Do you guys think that she wants a relationship but wants to know me better first? God i'm confused.... thanks for listening.
     
  2. ZePpeLinA

    ZePpeLinA Jump around!

    Hi!
    I know what you mean with being friends before having a relationship. I often wonder if that has been the reason to my love problems. perhaps I havent had the chance to know someone and let myself know the person before starting a relationship. I always pull guys and start going out and finish as fast as they start.

    it seems to me she doesnt really know what she wants. You can't expect someone to feel the same way you feel...but I get your point. she's sending you all these mixed signals, driving you crazy cos you know what you want, you want her!

    I think you should try to talk this through with her. what is there to lose being honest and open about your feelings? yes, rejection, but isnt it better to regret something that you've done instead of regreting not doing something you want to do. (do i make any sense here, sorry)

    i wish you luck.
     
  3. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    Hey thanks a lot Zeppelina,

    I thought i was in too fucked of a situation to have anyone respond, i really appreciate it. Well, i seemed to have gotten more info from a friend of hers. Apparently she had a shit two-year relationship before, her boyfriend used her, beat her, etc... I tried getting the address out of the friend but to no avail. I think i'm just going to try and get to know her better until summer, and at the end (if it hasn't already ended) i'll just come straight out and ask her about us. That is, if she is faithful until that point. Cheers
     
  4. BOdoubleDy

    BOdoubleDy Member

    i think it's obvious on that note.. that she doesnt want to get hurt again. You said ur possibly labelled a player... that could have a lot to do with that. It actually makes good sense. Why get in a romantic relationship (which in your case dont last long) when she can have a great long-term friendship with you..
     
  5. backtothelab

    backtothelab Senior Member

    Don't worry about it man, i used to do the same thing, and i still do at times, but if in the end this girl realizes that she is madly in love with you, it won't matter what shmuck she hooked up with, cause she'll follow her heart and all that crap.
     
  6. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    Thanks guys,

    Well, she dreams about me and I dream about her... she has really put me through a vicissitude of emotions and now I think i just want to be her friend, know her better and if our love grows, so be it, if not - then hopefully we'll still be drinking buddies. There are lots of fishes in the sea, perhaps this was just a stronger infatuation... I don't know, I know I can live through the worst of it so I'll ride it till the end. Again, thanks for answering, your comments meant a lot to me.
     
  7. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    GOOD NEWS!!!

    Today in the car she told me about her bastard of an ex-boyfriend. I suppose it's a step in trust and honesty and just opening up... right? Well we had a nice chat, i'm glad.

    On another tone, these two russian girls are asking after me and i umm don't know what to do... if me and this girl are truly 'friends', then there shouldn't be a problem getting with them right? I don't feel right though... but it feels unfair that she might think she can get with any guy while i feel as if i shouldn't get with anyone else... argh....
     
  8. SweetSoul

    SweetSoul Member

    I can relate to your situation but from the other side of things...When I was 18 I used to always give this guy i was friends with a ride home from school...I knew he really had it in for me...and i like him as well...but i always told him i just wanted to be friends...I would always talk about the other guys i might be dating at the time on the way home...anyways...I did that because i was really confused at about relationships at the time....and wasnt sure what i wanted...but i knew i didnt want hurt that boy...anyways to make a long story short i am now married to the boy i always took home from school......


    i am just saying you never know...she might really like you...and she is confused about things...and doesnt want you to be one of the meaningless guys on her quest to finding the perfect one because she doesnt want to hurt you...you could be that perfect guy
     
  9. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    damn... that's a pretty touching story... atleast for me... Well, there are always other people involved. This one guy who i'm actually pretty cool with, even though he's a flamer - really likes her. I just want her to be happy, this is the same guy she pretty much dumped to be my friend. But i know that they still have eyes for each other, plus other girls have eyes for me... i'm in no rush for anything... i suppose slowly she has succeeded in making me and herself friends, sadly... I mean, she's a hard shell, she doesn't open up easily and isn't really one to initiate conversations. I suppose that's in due part to her looks and the past experience with guys, but i'm not like that... i'm not going to have a one-sided friendship OR relationship, i'm a really mutual guy - or atleast try to be... although giving always makes you feel better than taking...
     
  10. SweetSoul

    SweetSoul Member

    Well...I would continue to take it slow...because whatever relationship she has now will probably be over in the future...it isnt something that is going to last forever...well it rarley does anyways....being a friend is more of an advantage to you because if you become the best of friends you will still be in her life later..rather then whatever guy she is dating ...as far as her not opening up...thats very understandable...she is just guarded because she doesnt want pain she might have experienced before...she is the only who can trust someone enough to let that guard down..i hope things are going well... :)
     
  11. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    Oh well, i'm over her...i believe for the better... lol i've got a date with two russian girls tommorow anyways, i still have feelings for her but i think i need to re-evaluate myself and what i want and would like to give her time... we're still friends, i'm going to a museum or art-gallery with her this weekend, theres a party this friday as well, you never know what can happen in three days in the life of a teenager... well i'm really thankful for all the advice you guys have given me, i'd just like to say that out of this experience i have grown and matured and that's what really counts... cheers
     
  12. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    holy shit does love fuck you up. Well, we spent about two hours drinking ( a bit) and talking today, ended up hugging for about half an hour. Everythings good now, we're friends and more, she made her decision, i hope the best for us. It seems a fitting ending that i started this thread in despair and now end it in hope. Love conquers all. :)
     

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