Right now I'm on my healing journey. It's been about six years since I had a relationship. After my ex SA me, I pretty much haven't really been motivated on dating or even wanting a boyfriend. This is something I've been noticing through my healing journey. I've been talking to my therapist and I'm healing overtime and loving who I am as a person. I'm even standing up for myself. The one thing that upsets me more than anything is I keep drawing certain men's attention to me and I have no idea what it is. They only want sex and only sex, but I want a relationship, I want real love. Entire time I can see through them and know I'm being manipulated because they want nothing more than just "sex". The more I'm being treated like this, I feel myself being more distant of the entire dating scene. I feel utterly alone because of this. I don't see the importance of sex or anything. I feel like I'm only being looked at as a sex objects and this disgusts me. I'm glad I'm healing but I'm beginning to notice all these things. I've sort of come to accept the fact that I won't find anyone who will truly accept me as a person. I know this may sound very very negative but this is how I truly feel at this moment.
As a man, I think I understand what women and girls must go through with men pretty much their whole lives. I wish I had a solution to give you. I'm past the dating scene, but maybe going places where people get together for reasons other than dating would help. Music scenes? Lectures? Clubs that have been formed for various reasons / interests? Sooner or later though, I suppose any relationship will eventually involve some intimacy, but I understand that you wish that could come later if and when companionship / friendship has formed naturally. Not having been a guy that was just out hustling for sex, I know exactly how you feel I wish the best for you--------Joel
I'm glad you're on your healing journey. I'm sorry you're having trouble with men though. If you'd like to give a concrete example, it might be possible for folks here to give an explanation. It's also ok if you don't want to do that though. You might be getting some level of attention from lots of different men, but the ones who are approaching may be particularly aggressive or sex motivated. Part of the problem is that gender relations in the US, and quite a few other places, are really bad right now. Relationships and love really need a positive atmosphere and good will in order to flourish, and that makes love harder to come by. I don't think that's necessarily the case. There's probably someone out there for you, but it may take some effort to find them. It's also not necessarily the case that being in a relationship has to be central to someone's life.
I don't want to give advice, but 6 years life is short. get on with your life. And yes I had my heart broke once. I felt sick for a while, but got over it. There are lots of fish in the ocean, just be careful. I know that's easier for a man to say than a woman.
It is such a shame that you are on a journey of healing and maybe feel ready to meet a compatible other but are being made to feel like you are only worthy of being a sexual partner. I think scratcho is right in that it may be a good idea to meet like minded people through groups and/or organisations with similar interests to you. Please, please do not feel worthless because of how men perceive you. I do not think for one minute that you are drawing certain mens attention because of anything you are doing. This is not going to go down well but I am putting out there anyway. Most men are predators given half a chance and also seem to think that dating is just a short cut to sexual intercourse.
Thank you for your honesty and frankness! Hoping you meet the one that just wants to get to know you! Stay YOU!;-)
