my girlfriend's parents are calling her fat - what should I do? I feel powerless.

I totally agree, mamaboogie.

Carl, your girlfriend is anything but fat. She's quite beautiful, and it breaks my heart to hear that she has to endure such verbal abuse from her parents of all people(parents should be the ones to treat their children well, even if nobody else in this world does), and that you feel powerless about the situation.

Retro's right. Just be the caring boyfriend that you are, and make sure she knows it is her parents who are wrong in this case.

Best of luck to both of you.

 

I've noticed a lot of people saying "She isn't fat - she's beautiful!"

Ergo, if you're fat you're not beautiful?
My question to all of you is: who the hell cares?
She is who she is and shaped however she is shaped. If she is happy with it, then who gives a damn about anything else or what arbitrary label gets tossed at her?

 

Actually, Grim, you TOTALLY got me right there. I must thank you for making me realize the verbal flaw that I myself made. You are absolutely right that a person can be "overweight" and still be attractive. And that IS one of the points that I was trying to make in my previous post, only, I now realize I wasn't clear enough at all. I knew I was past my peak a while ago... LOL

So allow me to rephrase this, Carl... She is beautiful which, I believe, most people can agree with. She is not "fat", again, I'm sure most will agree on that one also. But I would imagine, even if she gained some extra poundage, she would still be beautiful. Skinniness and beauty aren't synonymous. I'm sure you agree with me on this, Carl.

At any rate, that is the only correction I'd like to make regarding my previous statement. I still agree with mamaboogie and Retro on this. Good luck, man!

 

I don't believe in any situation it is appropriate to intentionally poke at someone's weight unless their health is in danger. If she was morbidly obese, I could see them having reason to encourage healthy weight loss, but she's nowhere even CLOSE to overweight. She's got a great build. I find it appalling that anyone would think that was okay in such a superficial media-focused world. Girls starve themselves, are literally DYING to be thin, because the media says they aren't beautiful unless they resemble skeletons. The last thing any kid needs is to have their parents hounding them because they are "embarassed" because they don't have the toothpick they hoped for. That kind of parenting is ABUSIVE and unexcusable. I don't care how you yourself grew up and turned out, no one should have to deal with the pressure from their peers and the media rolling over into home.

I agree sometimes a good "fuck the fuck off" is due, but I think it should be done figuratively. Not literally flipping them the bird and outright telling them where to stick it, but tastefully telling them, "It's my body, I'm comfortable with it, and I would thank you to leave the bulimia pushing to the media." Nothing terribly disrespectful, but a good subtle screw off. That way respect is held and the message gets across.

 

thanks everyone for the help...and .Hannah. as much as you try to help I guess I just don't see things from your point of view..I have a different way of approcahing life but I appreciate the effort nonetheless.

 

You just be supportive. They will miss being in her life and decide that they rather have a daughter than a stranger and stop calling her names and trying to run her life. You just keep being you. You could try to tell them that they are alienating her but they are her parents and that bullying goes on for years. They will accept the fact that she doesn't share things or visit them at first but in time they will get lonely. Like I said when 10 years pass and they have no daughter to talk to then the fat won't be so important. They won't care about what you say so stay out of it. (I mean talking to them) Just be her friend.

 

I don't think it's appropriate to intentionally poke fun at anyone's weight Period! That's just me. I grew up fat with well meaning people making fun and badgering me about my weight and all it really did was alienate me. I feel uncomfortable and I don't like to eat in public or have people watch me eat. I don't share things; important things with those people because you were more a part of the pain then pleasure. No one wants to or needs to go through life thinking that people hate them because of what they weigh. You lose a lot of precious life when you make someone not want your company. What will happen when that person weighs what you feel they should and they don't want you in their lives because you brought them so much pain? You must decide which is more important. Their weight or you're involvement in their lives. (By the way, I've heard the well-meaning part about how you want them to be healthy and live a longer life.) Menatal health is a contributing factor and if you dwell on weight while you are steadily making these people more depressed then you failed. You might as well stay out of their lives because you are doing more harm then good.

 

Oh yes, I completely agree, Bellfire. I didn't mean to say that you should poke fun at people's weight only if they are overweight or obese, I just meant nothing should even be breathed about their weight unless their health is in serious danger. And even then, it's best to leave that lecture up to a healthcare professional. My dad's pretty dangerously overweight, ontop of diabetes, and his doctor is always lecturing my mother about not keeping him in shape. Like she has him on a leash! I think those lectures should be left up to people who know what's healthy and what isn't.

I've felt pretty large since I was about 14, I have large thighs and not-so-sexy calves, but in my first physical with my new doctor, she told me I was at the perfect weight, I could still stand to gain more before I was even close to heavy, and told me what I dare not drop below. It really helped hearing that from a doctor. Maybe your girlfriend could go for a physical and have her doctor tell her what the average weight is for her height and stuff, Carlfloydfan. It might help boost her self-esteem a bunch and shove a sock in her parents' sour mouths.