my fucked up life.

How's he a pig? lol

 

I just had to type something in order to send the message

 

oh..

where u trying to insult him? cause it went over my head

 

You wouldn't classify his response to Mother's Love's post as defensive?

 

ok, DroneLore, good point.

but i've just been trying to fill people in, and besides, i think i have every right to be defensive when my family is falling apart and people are just telliong me how i'm a jackass.

i know i'm a jackass.

try to say something that's helpful, maybe? and repetitive admonishment really isn't as helpful as you'd think.

 

it was defensive, but i found her post to be uninformed and hurtful.

 

oohh, ahah i didnt feel like re-reading his posts.
lol.

 

I can't say anything helpful. The parts of the situation that are your fault are your mess and it's your job to clean it up. The parts that aren't (like your parents splitting up) are beyond your control, and living in a broken home really isn't that big of a deal anymore. 50% of marriages end in divorce, ynow? Welcome to the majority.

 

My parents are divorced, and its great.

if i lived with my mom i'd kill myself.

 

like i've said...

it's not me living in a broekn home i'm worried about.

i'm worried about the effect that my parents splitting up will have on the rest of my family. my mom doesn't work. hasn't for a long time. shit's not gonna be good.

and i would apologize to him, except that he's at parts unknown and he won't p[ick up his phone.

 

Yeah man. My parents divorced when I was 7 then they got re-married when I was 9, then divorced again when I was 10. lol

My dad's a crackhead/alcoholic though, so it's for the best:tongue:

Just don't get depressed about it man, because it's not the end of the world. You'll be alright, your siblings will be alright, and whatever your parents decide to do will be for the best. Lots of people seem to hate eachother while they're married, then they become best friends after they get divorced, so sometimes it actually makes life easier/better for everyone.

 

l;eave a voice message..
or blow up his phone.

 

Call him up and leave him a voicemail. Think about what you are going to say first-write it down if you have to.

 

my situation. hmm. well, if i attempt to post my memoirs here i'll likely be given a padded room, so how about a consolidated version?

my parents got divorced when i was 2-3 years old. my father is my father, my stepfather is my Dad. He is a gruff romantic, but dont ever tell him so. I was raised in a family owned restaurant, i made my first pizza that someone bought (against my Dad's wishes) when i was 7. i have 4 half brothers and a stepbrother. when my brother (the youngest at the time) was 4 he slipped off a supply shelf we were climbing and (probably) got a concussion. in any case it was a 5-6 foot drop to the concreter floor, and i was above him so i watched his face as he went down. spilled flour on the shelf was to blame, it made his hand slip. i was about 7 or 8 at the time. i knew what to do, and he ended up being ok once he came to.

i was fought over as a child. i was forced (upon moving to live with my father as part of the custody battle) to receive catholic training and sacraments. i started my period at my confirmation (talk about a sign from god huh?) i was made to write things such as "i will not lie" or whatever the offense was over and over aparently so i would not forget. I am a fabulous liar, but ive decided the world is best destroyed by honesty, and brutal honesty is what you get.
i remember where kuwait is, because i used to spin my globe (as a 5 y/o) and find it as fast as i could. i remember Wolf Blitzer on the news.
when i was 10 my Grammie Linda died. i was supposed to see her on friday, and she died on thursday night. my brothers got to see her before she died, they did not understand, and did not cry. i remember that i was told on sunday, and at the time i had wondered but not asked why we hadn't gone on friday. my family had had a falling out with them over incredibly stupid things, and they (the grandparents) sued for grandparental rights of visitation. this being in '95/ '96.
when i did leave my fathers home in new york it was in a blaze of hate and glory. i remember it well.i had been choking myself in front of a mirror for 2 years by then, quasi suicidal, mostly just the creative aspect of it. i was seeing my 3rd shrink (all 3 had twitches, i hated it.) my stepmother had found notes full of my 'venting'. i was 13 and i told them that i was going to go HOME to where i was loved and the door was standing open. when i left for christmas vacation at my moms, i made my father cry, and i didn't go back. i ignored them for a long time, i loathed and hated them.

damn, this is starting to become my memoirs. i suppose i'll skip forward a bit, so as not to bore you with my tumultuous and emotionally scarring life.

on the night of 9/10/2001 i had a very disturbing dream, about planes crashing into tall buildings, over and over again. the next morning that dream became reality, as i watched the iconic towers fall, again and again. noone seemed to understand that i was devastated because i lived n NY, i saw those towers, i felt the coming death the night before and brushed it aside, thinking it a bad dream. who could i have called anyway?
i graduated in 2003, i was 17. i was seeing someone on a FWB basis. my father promised to pay for my college if i wouldn't join the navy. i got into a cheap state college, he called me after the date that you didn't have to pay if you drop out to tell me that they wouldn't be paying for it. i emptied my bank accout to pay for the classes i would never complete. i asked my FWB if he wanted to be an item, he didn't want to commit, so i joined the navy. thats a whole story in itself, so i'll be brief. I was in the mess hall in bootcamp (trying to shovel down my breakfast because being short, i usually only got about 5 minutes to eat, stupid tall people and their having 15 minutes.) when they found Hussein. my Cheif told us, and we were allowed to talk in the mess hall. anyway i called my father the day i knew id graduate out of boot camp, and i told him i was about to graduate bootcamp and essentially fuck you asshole, see what happens? then i hung up on him. he didn't know that i had joined. while in the navy i almost married an asshole for no good reason. i began having hip pain and anxiety/ panic attacks, and was given the choice, stay in, be medicated or be sent home. i figured id save the navy some money and go home.
my FWB took me back, though we had much heartache to get over first. we both screwed up, and luckily we are intelligent enough to grow through our issues rather than around them. we moved in together, and have been since.
i had 2 miscarriages in early 2005. on halloween i fought with my darling because he was getting trashed with a friend and being loud when i had to get up in the morning for work.
the makeup sex from that fight (at least a week later, could have been 3 weeks, who knows?) resulted in pregnancy. believe it or not, i knew in the instant it happened. i was terrified, thinking, 'here we go again' because miscarriages are incredibly painful.
i waited to find out for sure, and when i did, lo and behold, there were two. baby A and baby B. it was a pretty normal pregnancy until the end, where i almost died. like, really. emergency c section, doped up and with a spinal block. i still remember parts of it, as doped as i was. my liver and kidneys shut down, i swelled up as my body failed. my mom and darling were there, and she watches medical shows, she knew i was in a lot of trouble. blood pressure so high i should have been dead already. and PS ladies, the 'massaging' they do to put your shit back where its supposed to be after a c section? its not gentle, its excruciating. i was damn near in a coma and i screamed.
my twin boys, born healthy, if early, gained weight fast. i was told that i couldn't breastfeed yet but i could express some. i shocked them with my bountiful production. my sons latched on, i was prepared.
on october seventh 2006 i woke up and got my darling off to work. i changed the infant who was awake already, grateful at the other still asleep. when i went to wake the other to keep the schedule close, he was cold, and not breathing. i started cpr and called 911. they came and took him, and i had to leave my living son in the hands of a cop, because i didn't have the carseat bases. i went to the hospital, and the fucker left me in the back of the car presumably until my mom got there. i watched medical shows too. when i got there he had the breathing tube in his throat, but there was no bustle. he was already gone. when my darling got there they didn't give us a chance to greive together, they took me to be interviewed. i grieve differently, because i understand death differently. i took breaking the mold to a whole new level since i was little.
my living son just turned 3.




yes, i am a mother, and i understand that you know your body, but at the same time you are not a doctor. you do not know what is going on with the chemicals in your brain. if you are medicated you have to watch what you use, particularly recreationally. you know birth control is negated by antibiotics? or that certain combos can kill you before you know it? weed is pretty innocupus by itself, but people suffering bipolar disorder tend to be the ones who are effected badly by it (and go public with their bad descision making)
every time you choose to do a chemical you take your life, the delicate balance of brainwaves and chemicals and electricity, into your hands. i have a thyroid disorder accompanied by an incurable immuno disease. i rarely take benedryl because im not really sure if its ok with my other meds. i have been through more than i would wish on my worst enemy, but i would not wish them not to have emotional hardship, i is necessary. we grow, we move on, we live, or we fall. you have to share the division in your family with your siblings, but they will deal with it in their own way. every path is different, you are young but will eventually learn it.
in my opinion, if you have a mental disorder and are on meds, and you add chemicals to that concoction, you are an idiot. its an opinion, and it is based in honesty. my parents told me not to do chemicals because they can not be trusted. you do them regularly, and have 'episodes' and become irrational and violent. i got over my depression (which was severe and unmedicated) when i became a mother, even losing a child could not break that. i am sad but not depressed. you need to consider your life, and your ability to live, and decide how much that is worth to you. you do sound whiney, self centered and spoiled, and sometimes you don't have to read a whole thread to get that out of the posts. your siblings will live their lives as they must, without your help.
it was almost 2 in the morning when i posted that, and maybe its just me but i put all the vital info in the first post when i start a thread. i mentioned the not reading in case something i said had already been covered.

and thank you inextesie, i'll take that as a compliment. i do try to give sound advice.

 

Yeah, trust me, acidpulp....Mother's Love has had a very eventful and turbulant life, if I remember correctly, so she definitely knows what she's talking about and I suggest you listen to her. Her advice may sound a little harsh, but I assure you, she doesn't intend to make it sound harsh.

So yeah...listen to her, because you will definitely learn something.

 

If you actually had that dream the day before 9/11, that's pretty fucking wild.

I'm really sorry about your lost child.

 

Mother's Love.. I'm really sorry to hear about all that
I'm sure it made you a much stronger person in the long run, though.

 

She's told us all that before, but acidpulp needed to hear it so he can know that she knows what she's talking about.

Thanks for being so open about that shit, Mother's Love. I assume it's not easy for you to talk about. BTW, what's your real name, if you don't mind me asking? I understand if you don't want to disclose that info, considering you're a mother and this is a marijuana forum and all.

 

lol. damn dude. i've been in your boat before. minus the wanting to mow the lawn part. i'm such a lazy asshole. but yeah. my best advice to you is to try to respect your parents. and if your mom's like mine, she's exaggerating a little.

 

i appreciate it you guys. i am merely a person wading through an incredible puddle of poo. i cannot regret, because i am a better person, if a pained and scarred one. and thats not even the whole story, there is so much more. but in the interests of time i'll spare you I just have an exceptional memory, mostly visual. im sure i use more than 10% of my brain, because im storing all this shit up there.

and DroneLore, i did have that dream, and i have never once discredited a weird feeling or audible voice since. i actually had two dreams that manifested while in boot camp alone, both very odd, and came to pass within days, with all the same cast members. im sure i posted it before, so i'll look around, one was about having neat handwriting (i got put in charge of rewriting everything perfectly) and one was about moving the racks and lining them up (which happened, but is kind of complicated to explain)
once you realize you are plugged into something else you start paying more attention.