My Frustration is starting to make me depressed

I have been dating and having sex with my current girlfriend for a little over a year now and she has not been able to keep up with me. I have always been the type to last "too long" for some and she can only deal with penetration for about 15 minutes before she is in pain and I think I'm pretty average sized. We have tried almost everything from different types of lube to her fetishes(I don't have any extreme ones) and yet I still have to stop because she is in pain. I've gone down on her for 30 minutes without letting her get off in an attempt to make up for any lack of foreplay. I have not masturbated in over a month in an attempt to cut myself down but nothing seems to help. I can tell it is making her feel insecure at times and I really do love this girl but the lack of fulfillment is making me depressed. Any tips or advise anyone could offer will be greatly appreciated.

 

"I've gone down on her for 30 minutes without letting her get off", this sounds like you are denying her an oral orgasm in an attempt to give her a PIV orgasm.

She might not cum from intercourse, many women never do.

There are two things that come to mind.
One is that she should go to a doctor and see what is up. Extreem pain is a symptom that something might not be right.
Two, stop trying to match some image that you have about penises, vaginas and orgasms.

 

I was not meaning to make it sound like I am trying to make her have any type of orgasm, or trying to make it sound like I have these images that I am trying to match. I'm just trying to make it to where intercourse lasts longer than 10-15 minutes. I have recommended a doctor but without insurance, as of right now, that is out of the question. My ideal session is 40 minutes plus, she has been able to a few times in the past without pain, I am just trying to make it a regular thing for her and I to do.

 

Painful intercourse = doctor. Until you can afford that visit, you'll need to do what you can with 10 minute intercourse.

 

Try some silicone lube, like Astroglide Diamond. It's thicker and slicker - a little goes a long way. Plus it doesn't dry up like water based lubes. Good luck and take it easy on the poor girl.

 

Try a different girlfriend...set the this one free

 

I think this may be what bothers her. Try not masturbating anymore. She may feel more fulfilled.

 

It does not sound like you are sexually compatible. You two either need to talk or part ways. I agree with some of the previous posters, she should see a doctor, she could have an underlying condition. I trust she is up to date with her PAP smears?

 

OP, have you ever researched the average time for intercourse? The most desired time by women (and roughly the average for sexual intercourse overall) was 7-13 minutes of penetration, with 10-30 minutes being too long. Is there any particular reason that you want sex to last around 40 minutes?

Being in pain after 30+ minutes of being penetrated isn't that unusual, and it can be as simple as avoiding deep or prolonged penetration, or conditioning her vagina by having more frequent intercourse (but not marathon sessions until she stops experiencing pain as you gradually extend the amount of time you are inside of her). Some women experience intense pain during deep penetration, and nothing is wrong with them; deep penetration is just uncomfortable/painful for them. Not all vaginas relax and expand to accomodate a penis without discomfort.

However, if she is able to have sex, and it is extended penetration that causes her pain, her bits and pieces are likely fine. The cervix can be overly sensitive in some women, especially if she has sex infrequently and her vagina isn't used to marathon penetration sessions, Everyone is different, and many factors could possibly be contributing to her discomfort. A lack of experience, not being aroused enough, not wet enough when aroused, unable to be in the moment and relax, feeling self conscious, physiology, hormones, birth control, condoms, and much, much, more.

Compromising, compassion, an open mind, trust and honesty all go a long way towards having a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life. Have you ever explored Tantra with one another? Erotic Aromatherapy? Mutual masturbation? Role playing? Trying every position in the Kama Sutra? (Don't focus on the orgasm, but try to enjoy the sex version of Twister. Have fun with it, especially when you can't possibly get into some of the positions while you watch yourselves in a mirror as you contort your bodies. There is a LONG list of things you can try to spice up your sex life.

If she is experiencing intense pain, and you haven't engaged in deep penetration, or extended intercourse, it would be in her best interest to contact a woman's health clinic if there is one in your area, just to make sure everything is in good health. If she is in intense pain (ie: worse than bad cramps), she can be treated at most ERs or a Walk In clinic. Most have programs for people in need of emergent medical care, but have no insurance, or cannot pay the bill. She would need to fill out paperwork, and provide proof of income, or lack of it. It's pretty simple to do, if she needs to see a doctor. Many hospitals have this information on their website, and often have the paperwork available to download and print.

Or, you could just find someone who likes to be drilled like a Texas oil field. Seriously though, you can love someone to the depths of your soul, and have a lack of chemistry. Just as you can dislike someone, but cannot stop yourself from fantasizing about them. The heart wants what it wants, but it's not necessarily what the body wants.

Sorry for the book, I was just trying to be thorough
Best of luck to you, and your girlfriend

 

When I was a bit younger I had a similar problem. I went for hours. Yes it caused problems. Don't masturbate less, do it more. Keep yourself depleted. In fact masturbate before your sex with her. I doubt she will hate you for making it easier on her.

 

Sometimes, two people are simply not sexually compatible. She may need to see a doctor, but she might not. If it takes you 40 minutes to orgasm every single time, that can get boring (and painful if it doesn't turn her on), if she is just laying there and not able to orgasm that way. Has she tried being on top? That might help her pleasure and lead her to an orgasm.