my first dance with lucy...

yep campin sounds good but quit thinkin about it so much you fool

 

and thus the mystery is solved of why the good in acid trips doesn't stick with people^.....

 

although maybe ogkush has a point. sould I continue my thoughts in a personal forum/blog rather than here in the public forum? doesn't matter to me, i'll write it in a journal if needs be, i'm mostly typing all this for my own sake, but I would have wanted to read something this thorough before I tripped, and I know that if anyone takes the time to read it, it will give clarity to their own first time. or not, idk

 

unless anyone else has any objections, ima just keep typin'. If all I was trying to express was that camping is cool, I'da stopped long ago. Not only should everyone do exactly as I am doing with this account after a trip, but with all their thoughts that they find relevant. It's a good way to see your life from an outsider's perspective, remove yourself from personal feelings about things, and make general overall growth take place. I stated in the origins of this thread that I was going to type the story as I could readily remember it, and add more depth to the same account as I fully assimilated into my normal existence. It might be confusing or erratic this way, but any other way would have been incomplete or worse.

So i stated before that when I looked at myself in the mirror at J's I "saw" a light shining from within me that I hadn't seen before, but as my mind has been reminded of the powerfully religious experience I had at sixteen, I remembered that I have seen that light once before. It was during the same time when I was sixteen, and had been filled with the absolute joy that is also consistent with a transcendent acid trip. I had looked in the mirror and had sensed some sort of divine light coming from within me or from around me. I didn't think much of it then. It was so brief and fleeting that I didn't know whether to take it seriously. But I remember telling others about it at church; along the lines of looking in the mirror and seeing a divine light within and sensing an exalted alternative of myself, that I am not native to this life and that I exist in a whole different way in some other realm, even as I speak. people just looked at me weird when I tried explaining this, so I never bothered again, especially since my later dealings with the church prompted me to totally divorce myself with anything related to the church, including this genuine flicker of true light that I had had independent of the church. It was the same subtle force that had guided my major decision making throughout life. I had an brief intimacy with it at sixteen, and a full fledged affair with it recently on the acid trip. The less I had cared about the legitimacy of others' opinions, the more confidently this spirit spoke to me, and the more I implicitly trusted it.

I wanted to type something...but I don't know if I can find any proper way to fit into words. It has to do with the breathing cycle. This is out of the psychedelic guide by Leary that Ancient Powers posted:

If you cannot remain inactive and subdue your will, then the one certain activity which can reduce panic and pull you out of hallucinatory mind-games is physical contact with another person. Go to the guide or to another participant and put your head on his lap or chest; put your face next to his and concentrate on the movement and sound of his inspiration. Breathe deeply and feel the air rush in and the sighing release. This is the oldest form of living communication; the brotherhood of breath. The guide's hand on your forehead may add to the relaxation.
Breathe in and breathe out with you companions. We are all one! That's what your breath is telling you.

It reminded me of the thought of two universal entities, married to each other (yin and yang if you will), and how they breath in and out together; it's the basic pattern of their existence: one breathes in as the other breathes out, one brings in the good as the other expels the bad, one brings in life as the other brings forth death. Then this thought reminds me of the life from death principle; the thought that death breeds life. Think of a dead tree providing nourishment to ferns and moss growing on it. Even in death there is life, but also there is no life without death, since energy won't stay in one state for long, it expires and is absorbed or transformed into another form of energy or life. Nothing gets wasted and nothing ever truly dies.

I suppose it's the same for all human existence; it breathes in and out as one expansive organism. The output is death and the input is birth, both dependent on the other. Death loses its intimidation when you look at it as just a brief exhalation of humanity, and that what is exhaled is not wasted, it's used in some other way. Just as the CO2 that we breathe out is not wasted but used by plants and trees (ignoring the global warming issue). Those who leave us via death simply can't exist in that state anymore, without being recycled, reconstituted in another existence, expire in that existence, and reconstitute in this existence. Or something like that. That's not a definitive belief of mine it just went along with the breathe in and out thing...

 

Don't be bothered with few guys who don't appritiate acid and can't understand what you are trying to say. Just keep typing, I am enjoying reading your words and they remind me of my own relevations and thoughts. It is beautiful what you are doing!

 

the first acid trip is the most defining, your words show just how amazing and wonderful it is. most people try to fight it there first time. you let it take you where it wanted. insanity at its finest

 

thank you for the kind accolades! it's funny because I need to dissolve myself a bit into a childlike state when I update this thread and in that impressionable state your endorsement helps more so than normal. Like the park ranger lady at the campsite who told me how to work the latch on the gate, but I didn't understand her I only needed endorsement, for her to say that I could do it. It gives me quite a perspective when dealing with my own kids. It's something I knew before, but this trip showed me how utterly important that sort of encouragement is to a kid.

My friend C has been asking around for L, and the kid who produced before said he'd hook it again, but he was anxious about his friends seeking a lot of acid out. He says it'll fry your brain, blah blah, lame perceptions...So basically he's willing to hook it up, but he will decide how frequently we have access to it (it's not like we want to do it all the time, we just want to have some stored up so we can trip intermittently at our leisure and as the circumstances arise). This same kid also mentioned liking opiate pk's when I was down there before, so I told C to tell this kid that I will trade all my oc's for a proportionate amount of L. Maybe that'll get him to ditch the conscience..

I was involved in a thread a couple weeks back RE: the use of mj on an acid trip. Most posters were of the school of thought that deems mj counterproductive to an ideal acid trip due to cloudy headedness, etc. Others said it didn't really matter, didn't effect their trip, but then I didn't know if those saying that had ever had a transcendent trip; it's hard to say personally if you've tripped as well as you could have...it's subjective due to all the variables of an acid trip. So that thread got me wondering if I would experience some sorta confrontation on the trip about my own weed smoking. I was open to any realizations that I might have about it, whether it limits my potential or something.

But the impression that lucy left me with concerning this was pretty understated. Basically I don't need to look at my weed habit as any different than the activities of others. Mainly that it's just one big cycle. With my daily habit, I just go in a circle back to the bong, just like any other person goes in a circle and comes back to their job or their tv show or their hobby. The way that people go wrong is when they can't see out of that circle; that they see this circle as their entire sphere of influence and awareness. It's human to have these cyclical patterns of behavior, but's more divine to step out of and see it as a two dimensional cycle, like the moon orbiting the earth; if you can see it as flat and lifeless in a 3 dimensional universal context. Same goes for someone who can see the 3d universe from a 4d perspective. You just don't take it as seriously anymore. It's just funny, like an anthill. The ants are so busy and dedicated and put their whole existence into this one pursuit, and it can be dashed away with one swipe of a higher creature's forearm, leaving them no option but to start all over. It's very similar to a human existence and it's all we can really hope for. Everything else in the universe expires and starts all over, why are we so resistant to the notion when it's so clearly inevitable?

Also mj seems to get a lot of criticism for making people dumb, which is a half-truth. It makes slow-minded people dumb, people who can't seem to create any genuine thought other than regurgiated pop culture. But there is a certain minority among them (of the counterculture I speak of two groups joining together: one is those who can't keep up with society and the smaller group with whom society can't keep up. These disproportionate groups share a common bond, and often get classified homogeneously). This minority group have among other gifts, an almost constant stream of energy funnelling into their intellect, producing a plethora of ideas, some practical, some whimsical or unrealistic. But sometimes if you combine that sort of mind with mj, a slowing down does occur, but it's a productive slowing that enables genuine reflection on the ideas and giving the person time to digest and contemplate them, and can help the person ascertain which ideas are worth pursuing and those which aren't. So in a sense you could say that mj makes them smarter, but again this is a minority, and i'm not about to include myself among them; it's a personal decision whether you define your r'ship to mj this way or not.

I was gonna type more, but sitting here is compressing my spine to an uncomfortable degree...

 

burnabowl -
i have not read all of you entries but i have read quite a few
i've never done lsd but having been considering doing it for a while now

although, i still don't think i'm quite prepared for the trip - what you wrote gave me chills and almost brought me to tears
expieriences like yours are just what im looking for so that i can find myself in this world

Im happy for you and hope that one day I can be sharing my expierience just like this
thank you for sharing

peace,
lilyflower

 

thanks a lot lilyflower. your sig gives me chills. I forgot where that took place but pics like that were such perfect emblems of the counter movement. other pics show the hippies putting flowers into the barrels of the guns that were pointed at them. why would anyone feel threatened by a group of people of this nature? my favorite part of my post-trip outlook is feeling a strong understanding and connection to those hippies. I used to feel frustrated that I wasn't born in the 40's or 50's so I could have been numbered among the original flower children, but now I feel i've been grafted into the same tree of life that they comprised, and I don't feel deprived of anything. the cool thing is: the world is becoming more and more dire and more likely to embrace alternative ideologies. the problem with how the original hippies were received is that the older generation back then had a deep sense of self satisfaction for having saved the world from hitler and them, and there were young punks telling them they basically suck at life. to a hippie back then, it wasn't all that impressive to save a collection of cities any one of which could be blinked out of existence with one a-bomb. but now we're entering atime when the old habits of the past are becoming transparently archaic and even obstructive, and to be a flower child now isn't too horrifying to anyone since the shock factor was only there back in the 60's. any one person can be their own revolution, and be their own hero. i'll type again later.

 

Burnabowl, If I'm ever in Seattle, we are doing just that. I read everything from the first page to your last post just now, a task a rarely complete. The words are deep and pure; your writing speaks. I am very grateful took the time to write this!
Don't listen to ogkush420, never stop thinking about past trips, especially those which have showed you a different view on the world around you. LSD is a key. I do not think enough people appreciate it for what it can be and can do, but I admire your mindset. I am happy you had a great first date Keep posting, and I'll keep reading.

 

wow thanks kokoyo, that's an overwhelming compliment. i'm grateful you took the time to read it. I can't even justify a response to your lofty words.

i'm especially grateful to the hipforum community, without which I would not have found out the truth about acid when I did. I was under the delusion that universal love didn't exist and that it was better to be cold and distant and detached from others. the chain of soul-cleansing events I had with acid were a direct result of the successful trip stories I received from people on these forums. you guys helped me realize it's okay to love.

 

Its not JUST okay to love, it is the only thing witch is important, the only real thing in this sea of dreams and illusions!

Love and let be loved!

 

yeah, lol. I was thinking when I typed that what weak ass choice of words that was. hey you're in south africa..did you watch the masters? trevor immelman represented. I think that's where he's from.

 

No I didn't watch the masters. I am in Botswana, but thats almost the same as plenty of South Africans working here and everything we got is from SA. If you want to go somwhere to have fun, it also usually in SA.

 

whoa here I am thinking i'm good at geography and at the same time thinking that botswana was a city in south africa. well anyway that guy immelmen kept his nerves and beat tiger woods by 3 strokes.

 

I was speaking before of cyclical patterns and how they comprise most of our personal existence and the existence of the universe. These ideas weren't new to me and most of the ideas I was impressed by post-lsd are not new in the sense of intrigue. They had crossed my mind before as whimsy and I never took them seriously. But with the cid I took them very seriously because they were delineated in unmistakable object lessons including me and my surroundings. For example, the morning of dropping the cid , up until the peak my activities were glaringly repetitive. I knew I hadn't been doing them longer than that morning, but after a couple hours, it was like I had been doing them my entire life. I was so conformed to the groove of the routine that my life beforehand was like unto a dream. And going down to the lake, the feeling of inextricable repetitiveness was cast over all the families and fishermen, and I saw myself in the same circular pattern of existence as all of them. We can change our setting and go fishing and think we're doing something different, but it's all the same. Everything is cycles within cycles within cycles. Our physcial body even conforms to this, by demanding the usual activity of that time of day: eating, sleeping, bathroom...and then the weekly cycle and the monthly and yearly...every springtime you get energetic, reborn, hormonal. It seems like everyone's of the same disposition at any given time during the year.

Events on both microscopic and macroscopic scales follow the same patterns: electrons and protons orbiting the nucleus, while the nucleus itself is doing its own shit, and apparently there's a lot of energy in the little nucleus, which when released gives off what we call sunshine or a nuke. But this energy isn't combusting in the nucleus' stable state, but it's there; I don't know what it's doing. moons orbit planets, planets orbit stars, stars either orbit the center of the galaxy or they're in the process of aligning to that state, and then the nature of what galaxies r'ships are to each other I guess is still debatable among astronomers. They're all racing away but slowing down in order to either join together again, or just slowing down. The circular pattern of existence is a good assumption, maybe they're what's contained inside a nucleus of an atom of another dimension, which would explain why when you split that atom, a whole shitload of energy comes out, you just annihilated a whole universe and it's eruption is what you call atomic energy.....dahhh fuck all that I just wrote; it's not original nor even fun to think about...just hurts my head.

That's pretty consistent with many of my attempted realizations while on the trip. There was no perfect culmination of thought, just madness and frustration at never achieving an answer. Lucy was telling me that abstract thinking may be fun but it's not going to lead you to perfect truth, all you can do to receive that is get over your head and be awe-struck at what is already obvious.

However some of my pre-trip studying produced an image in mind: the abundance and influence of the vortex. I was shown it quite often on the trip, but didn't think anything of it. It contains the circular patterns that prevail in our existence, but instead of a 2d model of a cycle, it has depth and each cycle is smaller or more concentrated than the last. It seems to better describe the cyclical existence: everything is circling around, but also everything is winding down...that's just a whole 'nother mind trip I don't want to describe with words.

I was noticing how springtime shows itself gradually, day by day. One species of tree blossoms, then the next day it's a different species of tree while at the same time winter kicks and screams as it's ushered away by giving temporary blasts of frigid weather. It reminded me of the onset of the acid trip, you gradually notice each new thing or each thing comes to life one by one, while your former self kicks and screams as it is ushered away and it blasts of unrest and confusion that are so native to its existence. maybe there are other parallels to the other seasons, idk...

 

I'm pretty sure my comments on this first experience are winding down. There's a lot i'd like to encapsulate into words, but we all know that language is feeble compared to the light. I'm getting a definite impression that it's time to start thinking about my next trip. I have been, but I haven't wanted to be ungrateful in not digesting and fully dissecting the first experience. But I think I've integrated everything I was supposed to from the first time. Maybe more that I wasn't supposed to...

Anyway, my last post felt a bit forced, but there has been a recurring visual many times when I close my eyes. I tried to draw a version of it and I'll try to attach it to this post. It's a human figure, suspended in space, attached to four individual bands, one to each limb, and they are pulling the figure in 4 equally opposite directions, in sort of a fixed state of limbo. Then immediately, everything involved in the visual, the human figure and the bands, melds together and starts swirling in the same vortex pattern, and appears to become the same homogeneous stuff, swirling down the vortex.

I haven't really tried to read into it, I'm just curious if this pattern is seen by anyone else. It's been constant. Sometimes it's just the 4 bands joining together at one point in the middle with no human figure, it's just a never ending X, and that'll swirl down the vortex. I can surmise, but I have no genuine thoughts about it.

So anyway, I might update this thread if I feel moved to do so, but I'm not going to force it. I"ll start a second thread for my next trip, assuming I'm able to express anything new.

One thing I feel like saying now is I'm giving more consideration to the notion that the motions of the planets and stars affect me more than I think. I've been a big believer in the personality types involved in astrology, but i always assumed people talked about the planets influencing their lives because they didn't want to take control of their own lives. But the more I practice dismissing identity attachments in my outlook, the more I perceive that my moods are influenced by something totally different from normal circumstances. The more I unite myself with the natural flow of energy around me, the more I sense myself reliquishing my mood to the heavens, and the more they seem to influence my mood. If anyone has any comments on this, please post. And if anyone feels like discussing anything I've reminded them of or anything, post also.

 

Wow. Thank you Burn (and shapeshifter). I have partaken dozens of times, the last of which was about 7 years ago. This thread brought all the reasons, all the love, all the connectedness that I had felt and obtained through my experiences all back to me. Thank you for reminding me of one of the most important and defining experiences of my life that I had, almost completely, managed to bury under schooling and work and day to day issues. My days will be brighter just having read this thread.

 

Yes, thank you. It has helped me greatly.

 

It sounds similiar to something I felt. I didn't have this visual.

I called it "The Band of the Hand". Four outer points connected to a center being.