my first bad trip

Discussion in 'Salvia Divinorum' started by prismatism, Jun 10, 2006.

  1. prismatism

    prismatism loves you

    anyone who says you should have a sitter the first time is a cruel, evil person or doesn't know what they're talking about. i have NEVER had a bad experience with salvia alone, and the second time i was around people i had the absolute worst experience of my life. this is copied out of my livejournal:

    "i realized i REALLY DO NOT LIKE being around people on it. i have had some amazing, mind-opening, experiencing-being-every-thing-in-existance-simultaneously-yet-retaining-a-sense-of-the-individuality-of-each, infinity-touching experiences with that plant. but last night, all i felt was a never ending orange and black spiral of hateful, laughing, confused faces and voices swirling around and towards me as i fell backwards into a black hole, becoming it. it was an alternate universe, but instead of the feeling i normally get, of complete unity and connectedness, it was like i was in this universe where every single horrible feeling was collapsing in on me at once, like when five million people are screaming a question you don't want to answer at you. but they were all so loud, i didn't know what they were saying. and the real world kept calling me back. i could hear it's tiny voice in the back of this horrible crowd, and i kept trying to tell it i was trapped under the weight of all these evil spirits, but even my voice was quashed and it kept crying like when your kitten is stuck outside in the snow and wants to come in. most times, i come out of the trip feeling like i've unlocked a secret or understood something. i didn't learn anything, but it was probably the most intense thing i've EVER experienced. i know that beka and duey didn't go through anything as crazy as i did, because they were normal and laughing and smoking a few minutes afterwards. i was visibly shaken up and scared and quiet for a long time. like, hours after.

    i will never smoke salvia with anyone else around again. the difference between being alone and not is like the difference between heaven and hell. the stress of beka talking to me, and asking me what i was doing, at the very beginning set the whole thing off. i could hear her and duey far off talking about me, and i didn't know what they were saying, and the paranoia rocketed me even further down the hole. it's like, in the very first moments, you are hovering in nothingness. and you will either be thrown up at the speed of light, or drop at gravity times a thousand. and there is no way to reverse it until it all ends. it's like being in space, the way they say once an object is in motion it will never ever stop or slow down. upwards, is absolute comprehension. downwards, is absolute confusion. you CANNOT try to be conscious of your body in a little trailor in trapper creek, on earth, when your mind honestly believes it is in limbo in outerspace, in a magical realm of infinite possibilities and realities. you have to be there with it, to look at the doors, and pick one to enter. or they will all open at once and you'll be in this cosmic blender of emotions and places and different universes. having a body and being there is too much to do all at once.

    for the rest of the night, i refused to sit in the corner i was in, because i felt like there were still some bad spirits waiting to open a trap door and swallow me back into that horrible spiral hole. i almost cried because everyone was refusing to sit there for me. i said, if nobody sits there, i'm going to end up back there. because it was pulling me back."



    this all was set off because right as i felt myself drifting away, i heard my friends saying things like "look at her, what's she doing?" "katie, what are you doing?!" and i DIDN'T KNOW, and i couldn't control it, so i was trying to pull myself back which is, as most of us know, about the dumbest thing you can do. it's like when ariel turns from a mermaid to a human, if someone had suddenly tied an anchor to her foot as she was trying to get to air.

    the only thing i learned is to NEVER EVER EVER smoke salvia unless i am by myself. and if i ever babysit someone, i won't talk to them or ask them what's happening. i'll stay far away and do something else so they don't get scared that i'm staring at them.

    i took a lot more than them, i think, too. and i wouldn't have unless they were saying "smoke more!", with that classic stoner attitude of "smoke until your lungs pop and you fucking pass out, man."
     
  2. mellow

    mellow Eased

    The exact reason why you need a trusted SITTER, not just any random friend. A sitter has to understand and respect whats happening to you, a sitter should be completly silent and preferably out of the range of view of the tripper.
    I agree, some people just don't get it, which is why doing salvia alone can be much more rewarding; however, in a practical sense it can be quite hazardous to dose without a sitter for obvious reasons.
     
  3. Mr.Mush

    Mr.Mush Member

    you have to be extremely delicate with poeple on salvia, in some cases more so than mushrooms or whatever. Its best not to say a word until they stop trippin
     
  4. prismatism

    prismatism loves you

    i'll probably never find someone who "gets it" and doesn't underestimate it that much, except my boyfriend, so besides with him, MAYBE, i'm gonna keep my journeys to myself from now on. but if i knew someone who respected salvia and other people's experiences while on it, i'd love to have them document what i was doing. as long as they understood i was under the influence of a VERY POWERFUL hallucinogen, which is why i was being weird, and not to talk or give me any reason to be insecure. just write down what i did and said so i could maybe remember what it meant.

    i feel safer knowing i'm not going to go back into that hell spiral than knowing i'm not going to PHYSICALLY injure myself. i would much rather have a bump or scratch or even a cut that was bleeding, or anything that i could do to myself without realizing, than go back there ever again. it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me (and i've had some bad stuff happen) and no physical pain could compare.
     
  5. zeppelin kid

    zeppelin kid Member

    Thats deep man.....
     
  6. redgreenvines

    redgreenvines Member

    cause and effect are confused in this
    the only thing that makes any sense is what happens together
    when mental processing is not rational - it is creature like - feral.
    in this way a feral creature with words emerges.
    using words as decoration for tribal appeal.
     

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