My Fiance Wants A Threesome What To Do

I have a weird problem. I have been with my fiancé for 3 years now and we plan on getting married next year.
A few days ago though he mentioned really wanting a threesome i.e. 2 girls and him.
I understand this is what all guys want and or fantasize about, but it is hard to just be ok with it.
It might be fun, but overall i think i will be hurt, mainly because sex is emotional to me
since I am emotionally tied to this guy already.
However i see threesomes as a way for the guy to cheat in front of your face, but it is ok since you are there to and you said ok.
I think the outcome would be me getting hurt and wanting to leave. Also he has an addictive personality and I think he would
want to do this once a week.
Knowing that he wants this to be a regular part of our sex life hurts me.
I want to make him happy and satisfied but it does nothing for me.
I have never seen him this excited. I love him but i don't think i could ever do something like that.

I don't know what to do .
Do i leave him because he really wants that and i can't give it to him.
Do i stay and say no or can i really not get hurt by this and he will be happier if i do it.
idk what the right decision is I have been depressed about it past week....
Please help

 

Maybe you should tell him this.

It's a problem you'll have to deal with - pretending it's not or dodging it with him will only make it a bigger problem. Nobody here can solve it for you, you already know exactly what the problem is and how you need to approach it, you'll have to do so and see what happens.

 

tell him no, throw his stuff out the window and change the locks..

 

If you do something YOU dont want to then you are not being fair to either of you , He will expect it again (of course he will ) and you will hate it more each time !
Loose Loose situation as I see it Tell him how you feel about it !! if its no then its no, get bullied into it and you will end up hating him
Everyone needs to be who THEY want to be in life
Hope that makes sense



Then throw his stuff out the window and change the locks

 

Well at least you got some trust functioning here, it's not easy for all people to come out with their desires and fantasies, many dwindle away with them and they take a huge psychological effect on their lives. So with that said, I think you should have an outlook of the two positives of what just occurred.

1. Your boy communicated something personal to you which should build trust.
2. Instead of going out and doing the dirty, he confided in you solely that he doesn't really wish to cheat on you, he'd rather experience the act of social sex WITH you, together. =)

This really isn't a big deal, this is character building plain and simple. Do not sit there and assume your boy will have the same interests, influences and desires that he did from the day you met him because realistically it isn't going to go down like this, at all.. period. This is relationship development and congratulations on moving forward with a more mature involving aspect. Now it's on you to be responsible, appropriate and to be mature about these things yourself.

Furthermore.. don't suppress his sexuality. If this isn't something you can do then that's fine, you don't HAVE to get involved in this, but it'll always be on his mind, just like I assume you have fantasies of your own I suspect you've not spoken to aloud with him.

This isn't a bad thing at all lol. Just communicate, tell him no.. but don't shut the door on his sexuality.. no one wants nor deserves that, I look at that as a huge problem in a relationship.

 

Tell him everything you told us and watch the reactions of the man you are committing the rest of your romantic life to. Make your choices accordingly. If he acts like a petulant child, school him. If he says it's threesomes or bust, then either get OK with the idea of him sleeping with women in your face or ditch him and his pornographic aspirations. If he values a particular sex act more than he values what you think and feel and your love and pain, then you shouldn't be marrying him.

This is coming from a male who also fantasizes about threesomes who is in a relationship with a woman who does not. She laid it out on the table and when I heard her reasons and saw how honest and open she was being with me I could no longer entertain the idea if it meant hurting her. This is one of those "difficult conversations" every relationship has, a testing point. You need to know these kinds of things and know your boundaries before getting married or you're just gonna be another unhappy marriage heading towards an expensive divorce.

 

Well, you could be open minded and try the threesome. Get into both of you pleasuring him: that could be very erotic. It is certainly your opportunity to try sexual contact with a female; you might be surprised and enjoy it. What do you think of a MFM threesome? Does that sound interesting to you? Two men pleasuring you at the same time...WooHoo!!! It's extremely erotic and not every guy will entertain either of these scenerios. In a way, you are very fortunate...if you can enjoy the experences that is.

If you are a one-on-one kind of girl, you probably have the wrong guy. It's wrong for you to shackle him to a life of boring sex. It's also wrong of you to shackle yourself to a life of worry about what crazy sexual thing he will want next. Don't try to change each other.

More to consider. If you marry this guy, what will you be game for after you have kids? Many women forget about sex after the kids come. Then what does he do? Expecting a man to give up sex is cruel. Expecting an extremely sexual man to give up sex is even worse; it's not going to happen.

What if he doesn't enjoy it? I know a guy who girlfriend invited another woman into their bed. He didn't like it. That surprised me. You don't know until you try.

Good Luck.

 

Most of the comments came from guys and they all have great advice....

Now for one from a woman's perspective.

I've learned that you sometimes don't know what turns you on until you try it. I get the impression you might be fairly young. I had the same mindset when I was younger and was terrified to try anything new. I have huge regrets about that now. I've never had a threesome, but I want to... both MFM and FMF. Why? Because I've never done it.

I have been with women before and was amazed at how it felt and made me feel. I don't believe in labels for gender ID as I think we all have levels of bi-sexual in us... some we nurture, some we ignore.

I would suggest that you and your boyfriend try as many sexual activities together BEFORE you get married. Don't go into marriage thinking that you can just deny your desires. Trust me, you can't. You also can't change anyone else's. Thinking that he will just forget these urges is very naive. In one way or another it will affect your relationship.

You say being with another woman does nothing for you sexually. How do you know if you've never tried? It's like people who say they hate broccoli and then they try my broccoli salad and they love it.

Sometimes the right situation, with the right person, can make all the difference in the world. I was amazed on how well I responded to the touch of another woman... and she was so fucking soft!!!

I am mostly attracted to men, but I don't rule out being with a woman again sometime. Never say never.

If you both are flexible in this area of your life, you will be flexible in all areas of your life that will come up in your marriage... money, home, children.... If not, you are all ready creating future problems.

So, this is what I recommend...

1. Have the discussion that the others suggested.

2. Be open to possibilities... remember you might have a fantasy that you want him to indulge in some day.

3. Get comfortable with seeing pictures of two women together... I recommend some images on Tumblr... they are usually erotic without being threatening.

4. Get comfortable with your own body... if you don't masturbate, start. Daily!! Get to know what feels good to you, imagine a woman touching you that way.

5. Set ground rules.. what you are willing to try, what you absolutely not willing to do. In bdsm these are called hard and soft limits.

6. Go in with an open mind, without judgment, and just to have fun.

7. Try to silence all of those ingrained teachings that tell you that this is wrong. It's not.

8. Make it clear that you have veto rights over who the other woman is.

9. Agree to try it... if it really is not your cup of tea, he agrees to let it go. This is called compromise. Get use to it...you will need to use it a lot in marriage.

10. Get counseling before you get married including sex counseling. If you are already have problems with your sex expectations, it's just going to get worse. This is one of the reasons so many people are in sexless marriages and that is no way to live.

It's much better to know if you two are sexually compatible now and instead of 5 years and 3 kids later.

 

Let me go a slightly different direction.

YES, talk with him about this. (I'm concerned that an engaged person would have gone to an internet forum before talking it all out with their fiancee)

Yes talk with him.

BUT, remember you don't have to justify your decision. You don't have to convince him (or us) that your decision is the right one.

"I don't want to" is sufficient just as "I want to" is.

There is no rational answer to "should you have a 3some". There is a quirky personal answer to "do you want a 3some". And the practical decison"Will I engage in a 3some on (date and time) with (him) and (her)."

Don't let people's demands for a rational explanation of your decision drive you to do something that you don't want to.

BTW, you didn't mention the identity of the other woman. Is that undetermined? Or does he have someone in mind? Has she agreed? Have the two of you talked? Does she know that you have a ring and a date?

Remember all men say stupid stuff about sex. "I want...." is a common beginning to a stupid sentence.

 

hey bri, i love your posts and respect your opinions but i think if my fiance said its "ok" to have a threesome, whats gonna stop me from hooking up with a random woman at a bar?

whenever i have had serious relationships, i said no to threesomes. because if its ok for me to be in bed with two women, then what am i going to say when my girlfriend wants to be in bed with two guys?

 

Lol, there's the clincher.

 

That's a good point... And you're right, if you aren't willing to allow the opposite to happen don't ask for your own fantasy.

I guess that's where communication comes in. And sometimes it's easier said than done.

I think everyone here is just giving OP some food for thought... ultimately it needs to be her choice.

 

communication is whats needed, tell him exactly how you feel

 

I agree with everything she says above. The only thing I would add is that you have to be in a comfortable and strong relationship or jealousy will jump up and bite you in the ass.
You may want to use a safe word/phrase. “Like I did the dishes” and when it is said everything stops, and your partner know you are very uncomfortable with whatever they are doing. Have fun, enjoy it for what it is.
Good luck

 

Tell him no you just really are not interested in having another woman join you two, but would consider having another man join you! See how he reacts to that. Should be a good way to see how selfish of a person he is or isn't. Really if you any doubts about it do not do it. This kind of lifestyle is only for people that are sure about it that have great communication with their partner.

 

Q:My Fiance Wants A Threesome What To Do?


A:get a new fiancée

 

lmao...perfect, Rolling!

 

If you've been joking with him about it then it's no wonder he approached you about it.

You should have made your position clear at first mention.

 

Tell him YOU want a threesome, and you'll let him know when you've arranged it with the other guy.

 

NEVER do anything sexually that you do not want to do. My wife and I have had many multipartner experiences and never had an issue with it, but we are both comfortable in knowing it is purely about a sexual experience and not a relationship with the other parties. My first wife and I had a threesome and not long after split up. We just were not ready mentally for the issues it caused.

If or when you are ready, go for it. but until then don't do it. If he does not understand your feelings on this, then the marriage probably won't work out anyway.