My Feeble Attempt at Writing

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Burbot, Jan 19, 2005.

  1. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    well cause i guess its the "accepted"thing to do, ill do it...mkae a place where i can just dummp all of my stuff when it comes...

    SOMEDAY

    Catch the moon, tie it down
    Have it light our world
    Thinking of you brings me up, when I am down.

    Running round, I chase my reflection
    Not knowing what’s on
    You bring center to my life, walking hand in hand.

    You never cease to exist
    Nor what we have
    Always caring and feeling, free us from all.

    Touching my soul like NO-one can
    Melting my heart, take it away
    I wish to be with you, will be someday.



    Connected Hikau Poems

    My feelings for you
    Rise with the moon but do not
    Set when light comes to

    The clouds that shut that
    Sky and bring darkness today
    Your soul brightens the rest

    I cannot relate
    All of my feelings for you
    Day comes tomorrow

    I love the moon yet
    Its light is not that which you
    Put into my heart

    Hair flows in the wind
    As the eagle soar high
    Seen from forest green

    The soul you must see
    Is more than just the spirit
    But ev’rything you

    Sadie beautiful
    Woman. Lovely girl, takes my
    Heart to the Moon Man



    Good Morning, Good Day, Good Night


    Good morning,
    Good day,
    Good night, I say

    To you when I go
    And cannot stay

    I bid you adieu
    When the lights have gone
    And wait for the morning
    Hear the birdie’s song

    The meadows of my heart
    Bloom with daisies et fleurs
    J’adore tu, je t’adore

    What is this I feel
    I cannot tell you
    It is not lust, nor greed
    For neither of those feel so right

    I must be going
    My sweet Sarah

    Good morning
    Good day
    Good night



    THINKING OF YOU

    My heart burns with joy
    When my thoughts wander to her
    My head aches with pain
    When the thoughts turn to danger.

    And sickness, as with hurt
    Consume our physical lives
    Let you and I think of
    Good things that never die.

    Water gleaming in the ever burning
    Time with those we love
    Thoughts of flowered fields on a lazy afternoon
    For thoughts may be all we have, in the time of gloom.



    FEAR OF DYING

    The primal fear of dying
    Which man inherently has
    Goes without understanding
    Conducted with no bounds.

    Our conscious world is fading
    Now fleeting and leaving
    Ever faster ever slower
    Forever but not for too long

    Your body is not in control of your senses
    Senses not og the mind
    Our mind is the master of ourselves
    He is the master of all

    So bring your joy and love to Him
    You are never alone or not loved
    He is the One and only
    He will see you in the end



    BALLAD OF MOLE

    I’m stepping outside my bounds for you
    The things I say to
    Not familiar with myself to be this way
    I want it to stay
    This feeling today

    More pen than I have ever before
    I love it this way
    Not judging me on what I do
    I am being true
    Never thought of life without – you

    Love is just a word
    Thrown around in the now
    I can’t say I do, but give it time
    I might learn how

    I’m stepping out of my bounds for you
    The things I say to
    Believe that what I say is true
    Want it to be
    All it can be

    For you



    so there are all my peoms to date....w/e, i don't even care if anyone even reads this...
     
  2. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    well after my part A chem exam today, i got lots of writing done...here it is oin entirety...

    LINES ON MY PAGE

    Filling up my page with rhymes
    Has been a goal of mine
    For in it comes the challenge
    Of writing on their minds
    Speaking for others
    When they no want for
    Is a challenge and a passage
    That I am looking for
    So in this page not look at
    But through the lines
    For what you are saying


    One line poem


    FROM THE HEART

    As I sit, thinking time will never go
    Longing to feel your light, see you
    That time shall come, but until then
    I must say; How I feel takes no words
    What I think is not of the mind
    But of the heart

    Sometimes, in my past, there have been times
    When my thoughts were similar to these
    But what is different, is not the same
    For this is different, I hope you can see
    I care never like this before
    I care with all

    I promise my heart, I promise it all
    I will never stop caring, never cease feeling
    I am almost out of room for this message to continue
    So with these last few lines
    I send my thoughts, my care
    From the heart



    SHORT HIKAU

    The gentle brook sings in the air
    With love
    It carries my thoughts to you



    FUNNEL SINGER

    A funnel is a glorious thing
    That lets you pour, and lets you sing



    SORT LINE WITH MESSAGE

    Sneaking like a snake in small places, Freed when opened


    SRINKING HOLE

    I hate to be a preacher
    But I must voice my concern
    Mankind needs a new hope
    A 180 turn
    For we cannot continue
    Living in a hole
    For the hole is getting smaller
    Than we can take



    TIME’S UP

    My time is almost up
    Almost time to go
    The time has come
    The time has gone
    No more time for me
    But all the time with Him


    TRIANGLES

    The
    Triangle
    Is a fun little
    Shape that longs
    To be held, but cannot
    Keep its shape



    OIL

    I see the people
    Mindless drones
    Drinking coffee at work
    Paying the price
    For oil with blood
    Not the few, the proud,
    The rich



    well again, up to date, except for a special little diddy written directly for Sarah [Sadie], that you may understand why im not going to share...
     
  3. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    ~* some of this is pretty good. This may be my first and last response to you though. The reason I will post, and about the only thread I can see that you have responded to in the poetry forum besides your own. Thanks for making one thread. *~

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    5) If I see someone that has posted and hasn't made any responses to anyone elses work, I also will not bother with them. This has happened frequently around here over the years, people bitch and whine about getting no attention but they don't bother to give any either. Some people only reap what they sow.
     
  4. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

    These were my favorite two. The first is quite visual and effective and the second is fun-filled abstract imagination. Thanks for sharing.
     
  5. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    the second of the two, the last lins is suppose to be, when wriiten out, in bigger letters, but it lost its effect on here...

    EDIT: oops, didn't go back and check it out...i guess it was big, silly me... :p
     
  6. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    SOMETHING I WHIPPED OFF TONIGHT

    The moon lights my path
    On a dark winter night
    My thoughts of you
    Cut through the dark of my life

    The cold wind wispers your name
    Sarah, it calls to me
    My feelings for you I relate to it
    they soothe its suffering

    The snow that falls, falls on my face
    And in the palm of my hand where it melts
    Where it melts as the heart does
    When I think of you, Sweet Sadie

    Tonight, I wish you sweet dreams
    and sweet thoughts
     
  7. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    I really liked this opening and the short haiku that was right after.

    FROM THE HEART

    As I sit, thinking time will never go
    Longing to feel your light, see you
    That time shall come, but until then
    I must say; How I feel takes no words
    What I think is not of the mind
    But of the heart
     
  8. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    i haven't been writing in a bit, and i wrote this last night...


    LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS

    My heart is massaged
    With thoughts of your kind ways
    With thoughts or your overwhelming beauty
    That leaves me speechless.

    My eyes aren’t mistaken
    But that is not a mirage
    But you in beauty
    That leaves me speechless.

    Seeing you, thinking of you
    Lights my heart like a thousand candles
    Lights so bright, the sun is envious
    That leaves me speechless.

    Touching my soul in a unique way
    Comes without you trying
    Comes in a way never felt before
    Sarah, you truly leave me speechless.
     
  9. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    Not a sound is heard
    Children crying, adults weep
    Break the silent shore
     
  10. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    SOUNDS OF WAR

    The sounds are here
    The sounds are there
    The sounds, the sounds – everywhere

    Now all is quiet
    Before the storm
    Death and destruction in the air

    The shouting, the screaming
    Unnatural thunder breaks the ground
    Fires of Hell encompass the earth
    As demons clear the land

    Now all is silent
    Not a sound to be made
    For all things are gone
    Never to be heard
     
  11. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    Shivering alone in the cold
    Asthoughts of you grow
    Warmth comes to me



    Doves
    Above
    Forever
    Forever


    for some reason i never posted this next one...

    My heart burns with joy
    When my thoughts wander to her
    My head aches with pain
    When the thoughts turn to danger

    And sickness, as with hurt
    Consume out physical lives
    Let you and I think of
    Good things that never die

    Water gleaming in the ever burnoing sun
    Time with those we ove
    Thoughts of flowred feilds on a lazy afternoon
    For thoughts may be all we have, in the time of gloom
     
  12. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    ~* Nice read, thanks Burbot. I didn't care for these two lines thought,
    My head aches with pain
    When the thoughts turn to danger
    Didn't seem to fit and made it start out...dunno if cliche is the right word. Liked the message in this piece alot, sometimes all we can have is good thoughts/memories and a positive mental outlook. Thanks
     
  13. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    ya, that may have been why i didn't share it before...i don't even know if i like it that much...
     
  14. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    The rest is good...I know I have a bitch of a time fixing stuff even when I know its not right though. I call it the "roses are red, voilets are blue" syndrome when I get caught in it,lol. Actually the first short one seems to integrate with the second, maybe you could work them together for a new first stanza.
     
  15. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    the first [hikau] was written for my baba [grandmother], and the ;last bit was written for a girl, so it would kinda deviate from the meaning if i melded them together...but ya, if it wasn't for that, i could so do it...thanks
     
  16. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    well, that came to me because they were both about good thoughts

    For thoughts may be all we have, in the time of gloom
     
  17. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    inspired by the poem read in Talisman by the Guess Who

    I live only to die
    I die only only to be with You
    Your warm embrace wakes my corpse
    From eternal slumber
    That life leads to
     
  18. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    Some miss love
    Some mis friends
    I miss me, I think I'm dead

    My eyes can't see
    My ears can't hear
    My mouth can't taste
    My skin can't feel
    But there is nothing

    Blackness, blends into nothing
    Nothing into black
    For all eternity, fading; shifting

    Not by you, not by anyone
    For myself is me, and I'm searching
    But as much as search I do
    I cannot move
    Tranced, stuck in nothingness
    Shifting to black
    To nothingness


    whjat is sad is i realized this is true... :(
     
  19. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    A blanket that once covered
    Now is away
    One soul, shivering aone
    Now, and forever

    Two arms, looking for embrace
    Only to find emptiness
    The lone soul, lost in the snow
    A blizzard of emotion, a mountain of pain

    I see the clouds break
    His llight shines from above
    Catching those lost in the figid life
    Of emptiness



    there was a last stanza but i don't like it anymore
    [O Lord, thank you
    You saved my soul from the black
    SAved, from empty and despair
    I'm filled with Your love]


    i really dont like that last one
     
  20. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    i said id never post in here again, but im recanting that,,,ill post this one last one i wrote a long time ago...

    A blanket that once covered
    Now is away
    One soul, shivering alone
    Now and forever

    Two arms, looking for embrace
    Only to find emptyness
    The lone soul, lost int he snow
    A blizard of emotion, a storm of hurt

    I see the clouds break
    His light shines from above
    Catching those lost in the frigid life
    Of emptiness

    O Lord, thank you
    You saved my soul from the black
    Saved, from the empty and despair
    I'm filled with Your love



    i don'y like some of the imagry, and i used "eptiness"/"empty" way, waaaayyyy, WAAAAYYYYYY too much :rolleyes:




    now im done
     

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