I just need to write, so this may be more therapeutic for me than worth anything else... I've been through some significant changes in recent years. I finally faced some truths about myself, which included the fact that I am a gay-leaning bisexual man. I made some mistakes along the way; one of which was not being honest with my wife before we were married. In my naivety, I believed I could play it straight because that was what seemed most acceptable, overall. As time went by, and things seems to change between my wife and I, I realized I could not keep that to myself and remain sane. As a result, and again over time, my wife could not accept this, and the ultimate choice was made that our marriage was essentially over. As we worked towards officially ending the marriage, she changed her mind, and we embarked on a different arrangement. It seemed we could continue to live together yet live separately. Financially, it made sense. Emotionally, it did not always make sense. I realized, though, that if I chose to not accept this, and find my own place to live, I would have to give up my home and I would also have to sacrifice seeing my grandchildren as often as I do. So, we agreed to continue to share the house. She lives in the in-law apartment I built for my mother many years ago (which also provided a home for my father-in-law, and my daughter and her new family). I live in the main part of the house. I maintain the yard and do most of the chores and upkeep to the home and property. I love my home and I enjoy seeing my family when they come around. She and I live independently of one another most of the time - except when the kids come around. Thankfully, we get along and it is a pleasant environment. I've had friends come over this summer, for backyard fires and hanging out. She is OK with this. Some of my friends seem to think I am not living my life to the fullest, though, and that I should move on. I am keenly aware that my wife and my daughter are very close. She talks with my daughter and face-times with the grandkids often. They are both little kids and adore their grandma. I know they love me, too - but sometimes it feels like I am invisible. For example, today they came and went without stopping over to see me. I saw them walk down to their car to leave before I even knew they were here. It made me feel sad that my little granddaughter didn't think about the old man in the other room. But, I had to accept that my daughter and wife, and my granddaughter are in a very tightly bonded relationship. I have two sons who I see regularly. I went out for beers and dinner with them just last weekend. My wife didn't go with us. And I am sure it made her feel a little sad to know that we were out without her. So, it is the trials of a marriage coming to an end. We are being mature about it, and we still care about each other, but our love has changed so much, and I suppose we should get some medal for our maturity. But, sometimes I wonder - am I doing more damage than good to be this mature about it all.
I guess you are doing that which is left of a relationship that has gone through major changes. I don't see that you are doing damage. It seems as if you both are doing what might be best for all concerned under the circumstances. I wish you and yours to be well.
