My daughter just came out... Advice needed!

sorry, i didn't realize the lesbian forum rules.

but if we are going to change this to a humanity discussion...

i just really can't see accepting someone who is my kid being a lesbian. wolfman's brother's #1 is pretty good. it could be a phase and be over in a few years. but still you ought to have enough sway over your children to be able to talk to them and guide them through important life issues like this.

 

sexuality is a curve not a set point so there is a chance she might not like girls in the future but that's not something you should concern yourself with ever. she is your daughter an extension of yourself and the only thing you are meant to do is love her and support her. she is not in any danger she is not harming herself she is simply trying to discover sexuality and her identity as a woman. love her embrace her tell her you support her and mean it. you should treat her girl friends as if they are boyfriends that you had imagined she would bring home. her home should be a safe place for her to be with who she loves and not be judged. have them over for dinner family game nights or what ever but always be welcoming and understanding. do not allow anyone other relatives family friends let her for a moment feel like she is wrong or less than. she is your child and you love her and if people don't feel the same they don't need to be in either of your lives.

 

um its a free speech forum so we get to tell you how big of an asshole you are.:2thumbsup:

 

Any father says he has control over his teenage daughter, i just laugh at them.

Too strict and theyll just go behind your back

Then theres when they get a boyfriend twice your size, or if she is gay a couple scary friends ready to sort you out with the wrong end of a plunger

But then there will also come the time when you are old and crusty and need looking after, does that kid look after you? Or if they did think you were a prick of a father, you end up in a shithole of a nursing home or worse, and payback is a bitch

 

Maybe my edits to this paragraph help to explain.

 

:2thumbsup:

 

Mine became human again at 18 or 19. Before that--rough going.

 

i find it surprising how many people find it offensive that i have a view of being anti-homosexual.

 

ummm first of all when kids become teenagers parents should have already established control.

and her boyfriend? seriously why would i be afraid of him. wait my daughter is going to influence guys to beat me up? wow...

also i'll take care of myself thank you, not planning on freeloading off my kids. i plan on helping my kids, not the other way around.

 

I don't think your view is offensive, just misguided and shortsighted.

However, the way you worded it, the way you addressed other forum members here and the fact that you posted your reply when the thread was still in lesbian forum, were offensive.

You've got it backwards. Parents have control until children become teenagers. At that time they start thinking for themselves and it is very likely some of their views will clash with those of their parents. Ultimately most decide to live their life how they think is right. You can instill certain values in your kids by the time they reach puberty but if they don't agree with some of them, there's really nothing you can do. You live your life the way you see fit and they will do the same.

 

You should be allowed to think whatever you want to think about whatever group of people for whatever reason. But you should be prepared for others to argue with you when you speak out about those beliefs.

Also, it shouldn't be surprising to you that people have a problem with you being anti-gay. I don't know how that can surprise you in this day and age.

 

Teenagers should be under the control of parents. They are still 100% dependent, and therefore have an obligation to be compliant. It doesn't mean parents control their thoughts or feelings. That is impossible. We can only control their behavior. Just as a hetero 13 y/o is not ready for sex, neither is a gay 13 y/o.

Anti gay is not offensive, and there are many out there that still think the same. The reason why is probably what people find offensive. Is it because it's a sin, immoral, weird, or whatever???? Honestly, I don't get being gay. But that is because I'm very hetero!!!! Gay people probably don't get me either.

 

im really surprised at how truly ignorant a statement that is. there is no reason why someone should find some one else who is just living their life offensive they aren't hurting anyone or themselves and so they shouldn't be judged for loving someone you don't approve of. who do you think you are that you may pass judgement. how dare you reference sin when you don't seem to grasp religion which has a major concept you and foolish people like you don't seem to understand "judge not less ye be judged". if you are going to pick and choose which parts of religion you wish to follow then you don't believe in anything at all and should not speak of things you don't understand and don't respect.

 

actually it sounds like calgirl does know what she is talking about in regards to religion. homosexuality is condemned in abrahamic religions including christianity, because it is considered immoral.

and i dont think you quite grasp the concept of judge not lest you be judged.

i'll judge you based on your sexuality then i'll be judged based on my sexuality. wait... not a problem because i'm not gay.

so then if i believe in jesus will i then be hated for telling people that homosexuality is immoral? wow really something the world is coming to.

if homosexuality is immoral am i going to let my daughter go down that path? no way.

 

you fail to grasp what i am saying. at no point did i say that i followed any religion so the not judging thing doesn't apply to me. what i meant was you cannot pick and choose what you want to follow and what you don't because that's hypocritical. people are not meant to judge the sinner only god is to do that. do you dare place yourself on equal footing with the Christ child?

 

i thought u said u were not christian. so how do u accuse me of placing myself in the seat of God? i can judge moral issues.

 

you are taking what im saying and jumbling it up to make it fit your thoughts. so i will just say this and be done with it. you spread hate you feed it and that does no one any good. i hope you do not come into contact with someone who is homosexual so that they may be spared your ignorant closed-minded thinking. i say thinking but clearly form this little exchange its obvious you do not do that all too well. it will never be ok for someone to try and make someone else feel bad about who and what they are. i truly feel sorry for your children and i feel who ever had children with you must be as big if not a bigger fool than yourself. you are to be pitied sir for you are the definition of sad, unworthy, and pathetic. good day to you.

 

Treat her the same, love her, and discipline as needed. Just as any other young girl (though contacting the local LGBT about how to handle bullying would be a good idea for your location).
As far as sleep overs go, know her friends, observe how they act around each other. She`s not going to be emotionally or sexually interested in every girl that she brings home, on the other hand you need to be aware. If she wants to have sex, she`ll find a way, but at least you can monitor a sleep over. The best thing you can do, sexually, for a gay or straight child is to educate them and let them know the dangers of STDs and include any morals you may have in that talk.
My parents have let boys stay the night here and I frequently stay the night with a close bisexual friend. My parents have been very open with me and my brother about sex and the pros/cons of it and gave us both talks fairly often (still do, lol), I feel its one of the best things a parent can do.

 

I realised my sexuality (bi) when I was 14. I told my mother immediately I had the first crush on a girl and asked her advice. I asked her if I was normal. My mother told me simply that it is reality that most people don't get. 99% of women when they are not with their husbands/boyfriends or whatever are more comfortable in the company of other women. But that does not necessarily make them homosexual. (I refuse to use the word gay, its offensive to the English language) Having explained that, she also told me that it is neither wrong or sinful for a women to have relationship with another woman at some time in her life; she stopped at mentioning men though. I guess it is all perspective really and as a mother you have to love your daughter no matter what life throws at her. It's how you deal with it, that dictates happy outcomes. Ask yourself what does your heart tell you?

 

You just judged me.

None of what you said above is what I said, or what I think.