My convoluted and confused story

Hello all.

I’m new to the site. My story is quite confusing for me emotionally. I’ve known that I’m bisexual my entire life. I’ve always been attracted to both sexes. I don’t really put labels, but I see myself falling for the person regardless of what genitals they have.

my senior year in high school is when I had my first experience with a man. Him and I had a secret relationship that lasted almost a year. I had girlfriends before him and after him.

During college I had a couple of on and off relationships with a couple of guys, of course I always kept it a secret. My last year in college I met my ex wife. Coming from a catholic family, I rapidly repressed my male tendencies. I kept my urges at ease with porn.

Now I just divorced. I’m looking to see what’s out there and finally explore my tendencies a bit more. The way I see it is, I’ll date both male and female and whoever I end up in a relationship, so be it.

My confusion lies on me wanting to keep my same sex life a secret. I come from a heavy catholic family and at 40 have built a pretty strong life that I fear might come crashing down if the truth was known.

If I end up in a relationship with a man. It’s going to be hard to find that man who would want to keep the relationship a secret, specially if the man is out. Who knows? I’m scared and exited to see what life awaits for me after my divorce.

 

I am also 40 and from a Catholic family, @Curiousjohnman.

I'm a cisgender man from California, but I struggled to understand my sexuality in my twenties; though I never had a same sex relationship. The way I settled it in my mind (my sexuality) was by identifying with one instead of the other.

If you have the option to go both ways, go for it! You might find yourself in a really happy relationship!

 

May I ask what's a cisgender? Thanks.

 

Over the years, I have seen several people change direction and I don't remember anyone being particularly shocked.
However, your situation is slightly more complex. Starting over again without knowing which way things will pan out may have it's problems with your close friends and family.
My advice would be to keep your private life private in the early stages of any new relationship and take great care before confiding in any of your friends.
Then when you are sure, casually tell the whole world about your new love and your plans for the future.

 

a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex.
It is the opposite or transgender.
In a homosexual relationship, a cisgender partner generally maintains the role of their birth sex. Although it is not always obvious, it is the most common form that a homosexual relationship takes, both in men and women

 

Your story touched me.
Although I am straight, I have no prejudice.
I know the Catholic church in the UK are far more acceptable these days.

It is such a shame that anyone in 2020 would need to be secretive. I thought we had got passed all that????

 

thank you for your response. That’s what I’m envisioning. Keep my private life private and see what develops from there. I’m just hoping if I find a guy that wants to go that route, that he has the patience and bare with me and my closeted life.

 

yes! And it seems to have gotten worse and not better. When I hear my family talk, it really saddens me. I have a cousin who is gay and he has been basically excommunicated from the family. He came out when he was young though.

 

This is not good at all. Things MUST change. I really do feel your plight.

 

If all your relationships are going to be with guys, you have less to worry about.
It is only if you are exploring a future with both genders that people may find it odd.