I'll start with the earliest, all the way to the latest: Tourette Syndrome (about age 7) overweight OCD (high school) social anxiety depression End of high school: alcoholism Started talking to a girl: sober lost very much weight very happy mild depersonalization (felt like this isn't happening to me and it was very surreal, because i was always looking forward to having a girlfriend) In relationship with the girl: very very very happy, but DP increasing Very bad anxiety about everything related to her Obsessive compulsive thoughts about her and our relationship Relationship going downhill: Gets even worse Terrible Derealization She doesn't love me anymore: Literally insane Breakup: Drink some, feel awesome and free Social Anxiety is gone Start to miss her Start drinking again every week Twice a week Very depressed when hung over Only feel relaxed when drinking It's been 8 months since the breakup: Feel very lonely Depressed DR/DP Sometimes suicidal thoughts Wish I wouldn't wake up tomorrow morning Social Anxiety starting to reappear Confidence gone Could get a girlfriend and could get sober, but decide not to because it makes me very anxious I still can't get used to the fact that some girls actually find me attractive. Feels so alien to me. I look in the mirror and see myself as fat, even though I'm the same weight as when I got together with ex. I'm not an alcoholic anymore. But it feels so good to just relax at home with some whiskey. I don't need to get wasted or anything. There's so much more, but I don't want to waste more of your time, kind people. Edit: I forgot something important. I've had some panic attacks. Now I can control them a bit. But it gets very bad at night when I'm trying to sleep. Sometimes just one single thought is enough and my heart is pounding like crazy. Alcohol helps because I don't think about so much BS.
i,m bout the same... but instead ,,girl, replace that with herion, meth, booze. it,s crazy how ya change yourself so much without realizeng it. i,m fucked too.
I really hope you'll find a way out. I've read stories about heroin. How safe and comfortable you feel. I would become an addict in a second. Still, when I read those stories, I was still myself. And it seemed kind of exciting too. But now I just feel empty, and I don't think any kind of drug would bring me back to reality. I truly think my brain is fucked beyond repair. It's funny. I was kind of a popular kid in primary school. People liked me. Now I feel like I can trust no one and I have no real friends.
For some reason, the idea of having a girlfriend who is truly there for me and is in a similar situation seems like the solution. But it's almost impossible to find someone just like me: Messed up, but wants to fall in love and has a strong desire to help people who deserve it. They are either so messed up that they're building up defensive walls around them or they're so normal that they find me too weird. My girlfriend was the combination of both things: she was so normal that she couldn't accept any abnormality about her boyfriend (me) and she was also building walls around her so it was impossible for me to get as close to her as I wanted to.
sorry to hear that this is going on. you might want to get some counseling, maybe medication learning to be ok on your own can help make a relationship work out when you do find one. you might want to check out the book "Curing Depression Naturally with Chinese Medicine" by bob flaws. I don't know what you mean by the abbreviations "DR/DP"
Get outdoors more, get some new hobbies that take up time, take vitamins and eat healthy to counteract some of the effects of the frequent drinking. The only way counseling will do any good is if YOU personally want it to. Good luck, if you need to talk feel free to send me a PM in the rough times my fellow hip forum'er! Sent from my SCH-S720C using Tapatalk 2
oh and...ma dad signing everything over to his sister before shooting himself. that side of the fam. won,t talk to my mom or me. other family members/friends dying, that stuff did,nt help my brain either. but i always have had my old lady by ma side. and here like said above, hip fourms i,ve vented alot here over the years..
I think too things... one you should stop taking yourself and things too seriously. If you just relax about life a lot of your problems will either go away or get a lot better and you'll learn to accept them without them effecting you (anxiety/depression).... And really watch trying to control anxiety/panic attacks w alcohol. It may help short term (I know it does)... but it makes it much worse in the long term.
I don't get it. Why can't I get over my girlfriend? It isn't a process of getting over her, more like I'm just going around in circles. I forget her or just don't care for some time and enjoy life more (still not as i used to), then it just comes back from nowhere: Thinking about her, blaming myself, blaming her, panicking in my bed over things I've already thought through, not being able to fall asleep. My brain is working against me and I can't find a solution. I can't cry, can't release my anger and frustration and sadness. I don't know how I am. Feel hopeless because I think I'll never be able to get together with another girl because whatever I do, I just can't be happy alone anymore. And no girl wants to get together with a guy who's weak. I bet they see me as a worthless piece of shit. My friends can't help me. I feel like they are robots and I am the only real human on Earth with real feelings. More like an alien dropped down to this planet for some crazy experiment of my own people. And no, I'm not drunk or anything at the moment. I'm 100% sober. Who would want a guy who thinks like this? Probably no one. This is why I hate being sober. As my thoughts clear, I begin to realize that I may not be able to have another girlfriend ever and that I probably fucked up my only chance to live a normal happy life. She was the only person in my life who I felt loved by, even though I was a complete disaster when we first started talking. She helped me get out of this madness and I was confident and happy. She was caring when I told her about my bad thoughts. But after a while she became controlling and got annoyed by me expressing my feelings. I know she deserves someone who doesn't have as many problems, but i'm still angry that she left me alone to rot in my own insanity.
Those negative thought patterns are terrible once they develop into a cycle, have you heard of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)? This is an online CBT that may be worth a look, see if you get on with it: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome. CBT helps you recognise and change those negative thought patterns, though real life classes may be more beneficial. Hope this helps.
